Why do I Justify everything

[jenloveschip2001]

My husband is terriffic!! He always tells me that as long as the kids and you are happy and taking care of then I am happy. I have always taken care of the money. My hubby really doesn't care what I do with it he totally trust me. He just wants a little every week for his "Tool allowance". He also really doesn' want to here about my shopping trips either. First thing I do when I get home is tell him how much I spent and I try to explain were every penny went and he really does't care as long as we have it to spend. Keep in mind that most all my shopping trips are to walmart for grocerys. So, for example: Tonight I came home and told him I spent $163 at Walmart and I proceed to tell him that is was so much because I got myself two bras that I needed, I got the bulk pack of wet wipe for 5 and I payed 6 for the bulk shredded cheese and 6 for the bulk cheese slices, and that is why it was so much. He doesn't care. As long as there is food in that frig when he gets hungry thats all that matters. So why do I still feel like i need to justify what I spend to him? Maybe its a habit? Does anyone else do this. What did you do to get yourself to stop.

[Radish4ever]

I do this! Now that I"m more into couponing and saving money through buying ANgel Food Ministries boxes, it's not QUITE as bad! Now i just tell him how much I saved (LOL)........ Sometimes I just feel guilty bc I am able to just go out and get whatever I want (within our budget) and DH was often asking me if we had money for this or that ............. so now DH gets a $90 monthly fun money "allowance" and it keeps both of us sane!

[Its_Donna]

I think we are married to the same guy....

My husband is the same way..exactly. He cares about is his "allowance" and if there is food in the fridge.

I do all the shopping, pay all the bills, do all the budgeting, make out all menus...I would like for him to be just as enthusiastic about our new lifestyle as I am but he's just not that kinda guy.

He is proud of what I am doing and is in it with me 100% but leaves the details to me.

I ...like you want to share our enthusiasm about our goals and triumphs at the checkouts with our DH's.

[McD]

I do, but only on money we keep in the bill acount. We each have a separate checking account that we put money in every two weeks. As long as we spend the money from there, we can't nag each other about it. But if it's from the bill acount, I definitely do.

[geckoace]

my DH could care less as well. but i tell him anyway cause i am so pleased with myself for staying in budget or getting a good deal LOL

[Little Birdie]

I went on and on about some deals I got once, and Husbnad said he didn't want to hear about it. I think it made him depressed that we need to worry about that.

I figured out that, for me, my need to talk about was that I needed recognition for the hard work I've put into figuring out how to do all this frugal stuff. Once I figure that out, I was able to tell him what I needed.

So now about once I week, I say something like, "I want to tell you about this exciting deal I got," or "I want to tell you this great new thing I learned." The positive spin tips him off to where I'm coming from. He listens and says something like, "Wow, I'm glad you were able to do that." Then I tell him I love him. It sounds so corny and scripted typed out, but it works for us!!

I think that only you can answer the question in the title of this thread.

[Dancing Lotus]

I went on and on about some deals I got once, and Husbnad said he didn't want to hear about it. I think it made him depressed that we need to worry about that.

I figured out that, for me, my need to talk about was that I needed recognition for the hard work I've put into figuring out how to do all this frugal stuff. Once I figure that out, I was able to tell him what I needed.

So now about once I week, I say something like, "I want to tell you about this exciting deal I got," or "I want to tell you this great new thing I learned." The positive spin tips him off to where I'm coming from. He listens and says something like, "Wow, I'm glad you were able to do that." Then I tell him I love him. It sounds so corny and scripted typed out, but it works for us!!

I think that only you can answer the question in the title of this thread.

You are so right. They dont care or want to hear about it becuase it makes them feel bad that we have to worry so much about it. SO I brag about great deal and I dont say a word when I feel like I spend too much.

[Telephus44]

I think OP's question is a little different - why do you have to justify what you spend, especially on yourself or your family. I don't know if the OP is a SAHM, but I found myself in the same boat when I was a SAHM - like since I didn't earn the money, then I had to be extra careful with it and not spend anything on splurges and only on things that I absolutely had to. I'm certainly not saying that it's right, but it was how I was thinking. So while I can't answer the "why" part, I do understand what you mean about justifying all your purchases to the spouse who actually brings home the paycheck - I think maybe it's because it's hard to go from thinking "it's his money, so I have to spend it wisely, and it's ok for him to have an allowance since it's his but I shouldn't spend anything on myself" to start thinking "this is OUR money - how can I spend it so that we can both achieve our goals, both individual and jointly." It's a tough mindset to adopt.

[thriftybargainmom]

Wow, your husband is awesome. I wish more men were like him. Mine doesn't even give me enough money for all the bills. He thinks if he pays the car payments and takes us out twice per month he's done his job. Then I am left paying for everything else on what I make. And he makes $800 per week!!

[Little Birdie]

Each persons "why" is certainly different, and I believe is something that only the individual can answer. On the other hand, if we share our whys I think we will see a lot of similarity no matter how different our situations.

[mikandmari]

I also think we're married to the same guy! My husband just wants a little $$$ to splurge on tools, too. After 20+ years, he has enough to be completely self-employed if he ever needs to!

And I also love to bore him to death with the details. You aren't doing anything wrong... if it's your "job" to handle the family finances, then it's no different from talking about your day at work.

The fact is, I love handling money, and I love to talk about it. I'm always playing with numbers... I'll tell him that the 60 banana muffins I made cost about $.08 cents each to make, and that having the interest rate reduced on the credit card saved us $12.50 this month. He enjoys my enthusiasm about it! Your husband probably likes it, too!

[jenloveschip2001]

Wow we really must be married to the same man, lol. The bad thing is that I wait t'll bed time and decide I want to talk about all our finances and what good deals I got at the grocerys. I usally end up talking to myself before it is all over with. He actually plans his bed time estimating how long he thinks that I will want to talk,lol.