Our Debt Story

**LovingTheChaos** · 08-08-2007, 11:54 AM

OK, Where to start. I found Frugal Village about a month ago, after having a near melt down over my finances. I was a miserable wreck. I was grumpy with my kids, & my husband. I was not focused at my job, & felt like I was drowning . Had I not read some of the advice on here, it may have ended up with me spending a week or two in the funny farm (not meaning this to be offensive, it really did seem like a good next step). This was tough for me, because at 38, with all I have been through, there wasn’t much that could shake me to my core. It is funny how finances can impact every aspect of your life, if you aren’t careful.
When I came here (and to Motley fool’s discussion boards on debt reduction), it dawned on me that it was possible for us to pull ourselves out of this hole we were digging. The first step was to stop digging. We put all credit cards away & resolved to stop spending money if we did not have it.
The next step was to own our debt. I put together an honest budget showing balance owed on everything. It was hard, & it actually made me more depressed at first. However, when I crunched the numbers, & figured out what we could actually pay, vs what I thought we should pay, & realized it wasn’t so bad. Coming here & to the Fool DB’s & seeing some of you long timers helped me tremendously.
The reality check has hit me upside the head, & I don’t ever want to be in this position again. My children are young now, so I think this is a good time for us to have learned our lesson.
Some background – We live in upstate NY. We have just built a new home on 24 acres.

Smart things we did– scaled back the house we wanted originally, to a house we could afford if we were careful. We aren’t out to impress anyone, you can’t even see our home from the road. Got a low fixed 30 year mortgage, rather than a lower variable. Removed all of our debt, except the cars, prior to closing on the new home (we sold our old house, & used the equity to pay the debt & put the rest on the new home). Our home is in a great area, valued at approximately $400K+, we are not upside down on either vehicle, & we both have Pension plans, plus 401K savings (though these need some work, & one of my goals as soon as we get the debt under control!)

Dumb things we did – which makes me even more sick, knowing that we had no CC debt when we moved in a year ago - let our debt balloon up after we moved into the new home. Spent money we did not have – failed to properly estimate the mortgage we would need once construction was finished (we should have taken $290,000 mortgage, hence the HELOC).
The good thing is we are aware of the issues now, I think I stopped the bleeding, & the patient will most likely pull through,/
Anyway – this is our situation. I am here to hopefully get some perspective, accountability, tips on cutting expenses.

We know how to live within & below our means, we did it for years. When I was in school, we lived on one income, & my dh used to get laid off for 6 weeks, to 3 months at a time, making only $300. I know we can do this! We got lazy with the finances as both of us started making good money (it is easier to do than you think!)

OK – enough for now, if you stuck with me this long – Bless you!!!

**LovingTheChaos** · 08-08-2007, 12:04 PM

My signature was too long, hopefully it will post now!

**Dancing Lotus** · 08-08-2007, 12:12 PM

Welcome and good luck . We have a lot of people with some great ideas and always a lot of suport.

**FrugalMomof3** · 08-08-2007, 12:12 PM

The only thing I can say is congrats for owning up to everything your doing and have done in the past, believe me I used to be where you are now, I was a nervous wreck but we currently live below our means and below what DH used to make when he worked (now he is collecting unemployment) and because I learned to be frugalthis is easy to me to live like this. We're not poo but we sure arent rich either.

Once you get the hang of things and put those CC's away and VOW to yourself no more CC debt, no more car loans, no more, no more, no more your on the path to success. It's a great feeling and you should be VERY proud of yourself, I am!

**leezza** · 08-08-2007, 12:19 PM

Hi there, first thing is welcome aboard and nice to meet you : )

I joined this site when I became unemployeed and wanted extra idea's for saving and cutting back on things......the general stuff I already knew but the folks here have lots of idea's I never would have thought about myself. I would suggest spending some time and reading old posts you can learn alot from others experiences.

The thing I think saves me the most is: STAY HOME : )
which is no problem for a person like me that loves to read. Anyway you can save alot by not going out and spending quality time at your own house.

a. check store flyers, use coupons and store cards
b. check with phone, cable, utilities and get those down
c. eat at home and make a lot of meals from scratch, this will save you all kinds of money.

these are just a very few of the things you can do. I am sure a lot of the other folks will have more idea's for you.

leezza

**sdrjeolsen** · 08-08-2007, 12:19 PM

It sounds like you have taken some good first steps. It is easy to spend when the money is there and just ignore the small warning signs when they begin to show up.

Many years ago we lived in a very affluent area in suburban Chicagoland, and there was so much pressure to spend more than you make...anything to keep up with the jones'...if you didn't you must be poor. We fell into that trap, but thankfully pulled back on the reins before it got too far. My wake up call was taking out a 300 cash advance on a cc to pay a bill when my husband made 6 figures. It just made me feel sick, I pulled away from the atm and sat and cried in the bank parking lot. As the old saying goes, we spent money we didn't have to buy stuff we didn't need to impress people we didn't like. We changed our ways but that behavior set us back several years as far as our plans for retirement and such. It is good that you have realized where you are and that its not where you want to be. That is huge

Also, you have done a lot of smart things. You should be proud of that. You are probably further ahead thatn you realize. It wont take you long to get back on the road and headed in the right direction. The gals here are so helpful and supportive. Take some tome to catch up on back posts, there is a TON of great info here. You can't change the dumb mistakes and we've all made them, just grab tight to your plan and be determinded to make your future what you want it to be.

One last thing, glad you found the FV before you went to the funny farm!

**LovingTheChaos** · 08-08-2007, 12:33 PM

THANKS FOR THE QUICK REPLIES !!!

I bought a paper on Sunday & started collecting coupons.
We have decreased eating out from 2 times a week (avg 75 per week) to pizza or take out once a week (25 per week). We try not to go anywhere that costs money - the kids love the park & it's free.
We will splurge once a month on drive in, or dinner out.
I am brown bagging it at work, down from eating out once a week on avg. McDonalds is now a rare treat.
We saved mony for my DD 5th b-day (which is today!!), her gifts & party were budgeted for in July, that is this weekend, all should be paid for in CASH. This is huge for me, because when Sydney turned 3, the party & gifts were all put in a credit card (one of the slaps upside my head in early July!).
I really do hear the Rocky theme song in my head Maybe I am going a little loony...

**DixieJ** · 08-08-2007, 12:46 PM

I think you have to learn to not worry about past mistakes-you can't change them. You do have to learn from them and not make them again. I think most of us here have made financial mistakes in the past. Just look forward--today in the first day of the rest of your life. Good luck, you find lots of support here at FV.

Dixie Jean

**Jaded** · 08-08-2007, 01:25 PM

You've taken the first step, which is admitting your debt is controlling you, so you're in good shape. I'm sure you'll be fine!

Besides which, you'll make some good friends here.

**beautifullyhaunted** · 08-08-2007, 01:46 PM

Welcome!

**Darlene** · 08-08-2007, 01:57 PM

Good for you making some changes! Back to basics will have you sleeping & living life alot happier. Fellow upstate NY'r, I'm in Schoharie County, you nearby?

**StartingOver** · 08-08-2007, 02:24 PM

Congratulations of making this a priority in your life. It's not as hard as you think it's going to be. My DH was unemployed for 18 months and we accrued a mass amount of debt...and it was so scary to see how fast it can happen! I never want to be there again.

Our life style changed drastically. Before this happened I never, ever used to look at a price tag or shopped "clearance racks"....if I needed it/or thought I needed it, I would buy it.

My biggest change was staying at home, and not running to the mall or the store 4-5 times a week. I try and do all my shopping on one day. This made a HUGE difference in our pocket book. I was a lurker in the village for several months and every chance I got I read all the posts on ways to cut costs on groceries,(I'm still not very good at this part) utilities and entertainment. And you know what? It's worked! No one was more surprised by this than me.

We moved to a smaller more affordable house and consolidated our debt which we know will be paid off in 5 years (hopefully I can cut that in half).

I utilize the library all the time now for movies and books...(how stupid of me to buy the latest book in hardcover for $25-$30 when I could get it for free at the library) geeesh!

We quit going to movies every weekend spending $60-$70 just for a movie and snacks. We now take advantage of our "Cheap Seats" theater (costs $3.00 and snacks are $1.00-$2.50). These are new movies but show about 2-3 weeks later than the regular theater. We do this about once a month.

I constantly search the paper and internet for free things going on in our town.

Good luck...I know you can do it.

**LovingTheChaos** · 08-08-2007, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by Darlene

Good for you making some changes! Back to basics will have you sleeping & living life alot happier. Fellow upstate NY'r, I'm in Schoharie County, you nearby?

Not too far from you, I live in Charlton (Saratoga County)

**watchingpennies** · 08-08-2007, 04:16 PM

Welcome.....this is a great site to help keep you motivated when things get a little rough...I totally agree with the "keeping up with the Jones'" problem that we can all fall into- be it family expectations or friends who have the expectations. The best bet is staying out of the stores, not watching TV shows that make you feel like you "need" things and visiting here to remind yourself that the important things in life aren't things!!

**PrairieRose** · 08-08-2007, 04:53 PM

Well good for you for putting it all down on paper, owning up to it and facing the problem to begin with. That's about 50% of the battle! Now, don't look back with regret, it is part of who you are today so rejoice in the awakening and keep your eyes where you want to be. You're doing great and will continue to do so and before long you'll be screaming "we're debt freeeeeee!". One other suggestion I have for ya, don't buy magazines....they're full of advertising and are very good at making you want things and stuff.