Spouses and Paychecks

[tammy88]

okay if you are a stay at home mom, and your house is the sole provider, does he keep a porition of his check? how much?

if not is he angry about not having his "exspense" money

i stay home, husband works making $24 an hour we have a lot of bills, some debt are largest debt is a bankruptcy they we are paying on until 2010, $523 a month. each week he should bring home around $650.00. he is also using his truck to drive for work, which he gets a $600.00 a month for using from the comany. its seems we agree on a set budget and later he acts like we never agreed on it and i get so frustrated. i love my husband, he makes since of almost everything, hes much smarter than me, and older and wiser. but i think hes trying pulling one over on me by saying "no we agreed on this"

for example he changed jobs on august 2nd started that following monday. we were still getting a check from the other company. we still have not gotten it, but we were told its in the mail. he eventually got his first check from the new job, plus 1/2 of the allowance, because it was now the second week of august we combined the 2 and paid rent, no bills were paid. so now its the 3rd week of august and the old companiys check is expected today and friday i need his 2nd check from the new company as well. because now we are WAY behind. i still havent paid 1/2 of julys bankruptcy payment because of the company not giving us our check on time. so this week im expecting 2 checks!...am i confusing at all? because i didnt think i was when i explained this to the husband..so out of a $619 check i want $450 and out of a $650 check i want $575, plus he's getting side money today. so he will have somewhere in the vincity of $200+ for him and his gas money and his biggest exspense,cigerattes. which he buys 3 packs a day = $10.00 a day = $300.00 a month. but hes not happy with that because i will have $1000.00..!! Hello im paying bills and when all is said and done i will have 170.00 left over for groceries, gas, and now we need vacation clothes, with my pregnancy i cant wear anything i have! but he's complaining! we go on vacation next weekend and will also need spending money. we paid for the condo in December. i set aside $400.00 out of his next check to go on vacation with. starting August 31st i am supposed to get his whole check and he keeps the 600.00 now thats not enough. i cant squeeze lemons from oranges! i cant make it work! i need to catch up! my electric bill well be over $600.00 passed due on the 18th! i almost had the cell phones turned off on me! how can i make him see? how can i get him to stop throwing money away on ciggerattes?

he even agreed last weekend to start driving this small car we have to and from work. its cost $30 to fill up vs the $78 to fill his truck and goes farther.now it seems he doenst want to go that route

im sorry this is long and angry sounding but i cant talk to him now, he just says what he wants to say and then when i start talking he's gotta go! and doesnt have time to talk anymore.

other then bad money problems we are a awesome couple

[sdrjeolsen]

Sorry you are having problems agreeing on the finances. Dh makes 95% of the income (I work out of the house on a very part time basis), but he just turns it all over to me. We went through a time where he wanted to handle things so I let him and after 1 month, he decided I was much better at handling things and I was smarter with paying extra and all, so he just trusts me and I give him $40/mo allowance. It works well for us since he is not a budget, # crunching kind of guy.

[tammy88]

wow i wish my husband would be happy with $40.00 a month..good for you

[frugalfarmwife]

Ok, first take a time out and the both of you go for a walk to start talking about it, that helps to keep it calm and mellow. Then you need to sit down and go over it all on paper so you have it in black and white, it makes all the difference in the WORLD to have it on paper.

I'm VERY fortunate in that hubby trusts me completely with the money and has no real wants or needs, our farm is our focus and goal. My hub has a CC for gas purchases for work, we pack his lunch, and he gets $10 every two or three weeks. It works for us but wouldn't work for many.

I feel your frustration on this, in fact sounds like you need a bit of a breather from it too.

Hugs,
kj

[tammy88]

thank you, he isnt here we were on the phone
but the thing is it is all on paper! i look at it every day to see what i can make better. and every day there are changes. he has a lot of wants or needs in his case..i just figured it up he spends $670 in gas a month and 276.00 in cigerattes a month. so he isnt getting enough allowance from the company. orginally he was told he would 600 and a gas card. now its just the $600.00. he doenst eat lunch normally but drinks liquids a lot, i mean alot! but i cant take that away he does need that in his field. but the smoking i cant say anything to him with out a fight. thats his habit and that will be his habit.

[jlaporte]

as long as the coffee runith over in his to go cup and gass tank is full and he gets his ciggs he is a happy man. he doesnt really care as long as he has that and the bills are paid. he says it is worth it because he doesnt have to handle the bills. i am very lucky that way.besides if he does need anything i know way before him and have bought it already on sale and put it away for when he does need it.

[tammy88]

oops i made a mis calculation he makes $22 an hour not $24 hour

he basically needs $1000.00 to survive the month and thats not including his wants.

[YankeeMom]

My dh is the sole provider. He does not get an "allowance". He probably spends $15-40/week on extras. Buying lunch for his employees, buying a magazine, or whatever. He doesn't smoke, he doesn't go out with the boys, if he drinks it's at home...and rarely. We still have some of the beer in the fridge from his retirement party TWO YEARS ago.

His first priority is to make sure all the bills are paid. Including groceries, gas, and what we need (clothes, kids stuff, co-pays, etc). If there's anything left after bills, savings, & extra stuff...then we play. Otherwise no.

He's never made me feel like because he earns all the money, he deserves to keep some "just because". If he did, we'd be in counseling.

[Dancing Lotus]

MY dh gets nothing. By his choice not mine. He gets a 50 dollar bill every two weeks from his boss just for being on call. Thats not for doing anywork he gets paid more if he actualy has to go on a call. So in other words he gets 100 bucks a month at thats it. And the funny part is he doesnt even spend half that most of the time. I dont work and he gives me 100% of his paycheck to handle the bills. He only asks that I have his organge juice, yojurt and a cold beer in the fridge.

[tammy88]

why cant mine husband bee happy like that

[Dancing Lotus]

Has your dh been single for a long time before you came along. You said he was older. If a man has been on his own for a while they get used to spending there money how they want. And they arent really in touch with what a family costs.

[Neeley]

I am also a SAHM and DH brings in all of the money. His payroll is direct deposited into the checking account and I keep the debit card. He has a few yards he cuts and does a small side job at the commissary. All of the checks from these side jobs he hands to me. He makes his own lunch everyday and never keeps any money on him. If he needs gas for his car he gets the debit card from me and fills up. Just recently he did get his own debit card that is tied into the checking account we opened for his grass cutting jobs. He only uses that card for grass cutting supplies. There is not anything for him to spend money on through the week. He does not drink, does not smoke and does not go out unless we do it as a family.

He has never made any comments about him making all of the money or him getting an allowance. He is just not like that. He even puts all of his birthday and Christmas money in either the checking or savings account instead of just pocketing it. My mom has to force him to buy himself shoes clothes by taking him shopping with her.

[Scattymum]

DH is the sole provider, everything is paid into a joint account, if I earn extra ( from childminding and other stuff) that also goes into the joint account. I pay the bills and they all come from that account. on payday i pay all the bills and then tell him how much WE have for the rest of the month, neither of us get an *allowance*, he lets me know if he has taken anything or will ask if its okay to take out some cash. He occasionally complains that he never has any money but that is normally if he gets a want and i say no LOL but when that happens i show him the account sheet and he can see where all the money goes and is happy enough with that.

We have worked this way since we got married nearly 10 years ago and its never been a problem but what works for us may not work for everyone.

[cheappearls]

Wow that's frustrating.

I'm a SAHM and I handle ALL our finances, first because I had to when DH was in training and later deployed but now I know where everything goes Dh just leaves it all up to me. We have "budget meetings" twice a month before pay day so he knows where the money is going and how much extra we have.

We both get $50 a month ($25 out of each biweekly paycheck) for fun money. He usually uses his to buy soda while at work but lately we have been filling up empty bottles from his 2 liters at home so he had a little more money for other spending. I think he's going to save up his money to buy Halo 3 when it comes out next month. Once that $25 is gone it's gone until the next pay day and he's fine with that.

I've never had an issue with him thinking because he makes the money it's his. It's always been our money, even before we were married, regardless of who makes it. I've been a SAHW/SAHM since we were married.

[tammy88]

i guess he gets frustrated, he works 40-50 hours a week, then does some side jobs. i tried talking to him again more calmly and i cant get him to want to sit down and look at it. he will humor me on it but thats about it. he said for me to tell him how much i needed, and he will figure out the rest for hisself. but that means he would need to work more and more so that he can have some money. and i cant tell a grown man, who works 40+ hours week and lets me stay home, "here's your allowance for the week, $40" because he will need, gas, food, cigerates, drinks (non acholic)...but i dont know how to make it all work in our budget.

no he hasnt been single lately..lol we been together 6 years and he was married before. He's old fashion and likes things his way. i have been doing all the bills for the last 6 years. im 26 almost and he almost 40. he grew up in a bad family enviroment, we really dont associate with his family. they are all in debt more than us. one sister files bankruptcy ever few years ( i dont know the limit in between) ive known her10-11 years and i know of 3 bankruptcys. his parents are acholic and he grew up with out food sometimes and no electricity for months at a time. his other brother is a no good druggee, his other sister has done well for herself, but she's like my husband she stays a away. he has another brother that is parented by his new wife.

me i grew up sheltered i never knew if things were bad. my parents just told me my mom has breast cancer...which this might be contributing to my aggression right now and i am almost 6months pregnant and my 2 years old is driving me insane!!!!!! he is litteraly trying to climb the walls and at the same time trying to order me to get him a popsicle.

i found this forum and i want to learn the furgal way..i dont want to eat road kill = ) or skin my own meat..lol but i want to live more comfortably with the money we have, and know my bills are paid and no one is coming for us and or stuff...

i want to find peace with being a mother i cant figure it out. my two year old gets on my nerves so bad, i start yelling like a mad woman. he is constantly repeating hisself, which i mean he ask the same question over and over and over and i answer him over and over until i finally send him to his room. he wants to eat 24 a day, (he's not overweight at all, jsut got tapeworms or something..lol) constantly pulling on me and bugging me and all i can think is oh god im going to have another in just a few months!!

am i as bad as i sound? or do all people go through this??