So irritated with myself!

sunray16 · 09-08-2007, 03:38 PM

I'm so frustrated right now! We've only been budgeting for 1 1/2 months now and we've blown our budget every time! My DH isn't quite on board with this whole thing, so that doesn't help and I am stupid enough to let him talk me into things. Nothing big, but a dinner here, a movie there...it adds up...especially when our budget is as tight as it is.

How do you guys do it?

Holly · 09-08-2007, 03:55 PM

Just say NO

mikandmari · 09-08-2007, 04:15 PM

I try to have a plan in advance. When he suggests eating out, I've already planned dinner. Or rent a DVD before the movie subject comes up. If my husband suggests a trip to the mall or a store to browse around, I suggest a ride through our local countryside, a walk (depending on the weather), or at the very least, making the trip to the store Costco or the grocery store... so the stuff we end up purchasing isn't frivolous!

Another thing... I've learned to the cook the eat-out food we love. I bought a small deep fryer, and on the weekends I cook up hot wings or boneless buffalo wings. I'll make nachos, brownie sundaes, etc. Fattening, but we were eating that stuff on weekends at the neighborhood restaurant anyway...

I love to go out and eat. So we do have a local dive restaurant/bar that we can go to for happy hour & get a pitcher of beer & a large pizza (they have free popcorn which doubles as an appetizer). It only comes to about $16 before the tip (we're regulars, so we do tip generously). We go every week and I really look forward to it.

Good luck... it sounds like you're on the right track, you just need a few ideas!

bugsmom125 · 09-08-2007, 05:04 PM

stick to your guns about saving, it will be easier, when hubby sees results he'll be happy and jump on board, mine did, once you get the hang of if it becomes addicting and fun to see how much you can save and how you can cut corners

Its_Donna · 09-08-2007, 05:25 PM

It takes time. Does DH sit down and do the monthly budget with you?

When we first started our frugal journey DH was really trying to buck the system I had established. I was taking money out of savings to pay the bills and we were both working. What turned the light on for him was he had come across this really sweet deal on a motorcycle and he wanted to buy it and then turn around and sell it to a friend in Illinois. The bike was perfect, the owner needed to get rid of it due to a divorce....well....DH saw the bank account and 3 months prior we had the money but at the time he needed cash to buy the bike we didn't have it. He could have made 1500.00 profit. He was peed off, depressed, heart broken and best of all finally seeing that we were not living within our means. Ever since then he had been on board with me and we sit down together every month and spend every dime we have on paper befoe we do anything. We know where every penny is going and we do not buy anything unnecessary without consulting one another.

I also keep planting the seed in DH head that in 10 years we can be totally debt free (all we owe is our home) and we can go to part-time work. He REALLY likes that idea!

Good Luck....Your DH will come around. Just tell him how important this is to your future....your family's future.

emily_hope · 09-08-2007, 05:40 PM

It does get tough at times. It is so easy to give in to your wants. mikandmari has some great ideas.

Cricketlegs · 09-08-2007, 07:34 PM

Don't do it. If you do it then everyone loses.

Say no and enjoy a victory that can only lead to good places.

A movie or dinner lasts 2-3 hours. Budgeting leads to a lifetime of happiness.

Good luck!

sunray16 · 09-08-2007, 07:44 PM

I've tried to get DH to sit down with me and do the budget, but he just doesn't show any interest. And then he gets frustrated when he wants to buy or do something and I say "no" because it's not in the budget.

I got really irritated with him last weekend because he wanted $40 for a registration fee for Autocross. I said we didn't have it, so what does he do....he borrowed $40 from a buddy at work! I couldn't believe it! He did some computer work for his dad and he gave DH a $20 for helping him. I told DH to give the $20 to his friend...what does he do....he uses $10 of it to buy lottery tickets. UGH!

And there always seem to be things that come up....unexpected medical expenses (that insurance doesn't cover), birthday's (gifts), baby needs new clothes because she's outgrown her others, etc.

chatterweb · 09-09-2007, 12:15 AM

My Dh used to borrow money from coworkers, not a lot, but enough to make me stress out.

Not sure what changed, maybe he just finally got the idea to be more frugal...

It is so hard to budget, I really do not recommend it for myself and our family.

I just try to be frugal with electricity, gas, and water usage, also buying things on sale, etc...

Budgeting drove me nuts when I tried it!

Lorelei · 09-09-2007, 09:25 AM

Well, my advice is going to go two ways:

First, if you HAVE to be as strict as you are trying to be in order to make payments on time, then say no and/or offer an affordable alternative.

Second, if you are wanting to work faster to your goals but hubby isn't on board with the sacrifices it will take, then I suggest you tone it down. Hard, I know, once you've seen the light of frugality. However, your dh doesn't sound like he "gets it" and if you push too hard to meet YOUR goals, he is more likely to polarize in the opposite direction and everything will take a lot longer and be very frustrating for both of you. Occasionally going out to eat or splurging, if your budget can handle it, will be much better in the long run than you being the adult and him acting like a child about finances throughout your married life. Work on getting him to be more frugal by looking for sales of things he wants (or buy them used, making sure to point out the savings), keeping a change jar then "splurging", etc. Marriage lasts a long time, and working together will help you more over the years than forcing more frugality than he's willing (or able) to handle right now.

pammy · 09-10-2007, 01:14 PM

Keep trying. Think it took us 3 months to get all those little things in the budget. Just stick with it and it will even out. Best of luck!!

Ani · 09-10-2007, 03:14 PM

I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from (and incidentally, it sounds like we are in a similar stage of life with the same age child, married for a similar amount of time etc). My hubby has ZERO interest in saving money or paying off the mortgage. He'd spend every penny we had if I let him.

I don't really know what to tell you, I guess just keep going at it, and show him periodically how much you've paid down, and how much you have in savings etc. It's really, really hard to work against a nonfrugal spouse though, I know exactly where you're coming from.

Feel free to PM me anytime. We seem similar, I think we'd get along well.