Getting Sucked In

**mnmarty03** · 10-12-2007, 08:52 AM

Hey everyone! It's been quite awhile since I've posted here, but here I am. As many of you know I'm living in Texas working at a large cat sanctuary, and am receiving no money. Though the beginning was tough, and I didn't get along well with my boss at first, things have improved greatly, and the internship is going wonderfully.

The reason I'm posting this is to talk to you all about my money. The other intern who is here working with me is wonderful. We get along really well, have never had a fight (despite being together nearly 24/7 for 1.5 months now), and we laugh a lot. The thing is, she and I come from totally opposite backgrounds. Her and her family live on Long Island, have a 1.2 million dollar home, and have always been well off. She insists that they aren't, but she bases that off of comparing her family to all her friends' families (who are richer). Her parents paid for most of her schooling (she does have some loans), and relatively regularly give her money. For this internship they gave her 4000 dollars to live off of for 3 months. With the money she had saved, that was over 6000 dollars to use for 3 months - when we don't have any bills here except food. She drives a brand new pontiac firebird, which has a $600 car payment per month. She wears designer clothes, even while working pretty much, and in her life has only held a few jobs. One of which is working at the bar her dad owns. She makes about 400 to 600 a night on tips there and only works once or twice a week. The rest of the time she goes to the beach, goes shopping, etc. She owns sunglasses that cost her $300...

I on the other hand, grew up in the midwest, and was on welfare with my mom and sister for several years when I was a kid. We got food from the food shelf regularly. I was never unhappy though and never knew we were poor. Now my mom is successful in her job, which pays $14 an hour. My step-dad is a very successful cabinet maker with his own one-man company. Since I went to college, my parents have only helped me with things here and there - the bulk of my expenses have been paid by me. I have a lot of loans, and have always worked 20-65 hours per week since I was 16, except for my first semester of college (I worked 10 hours a week or so), and the year I lived in Germany (no job). I graduated school this past may and worked my butt off to be able to afford to come here, and I still can't do that. Where my roommate has 5000 dollars to last until mid december, I have just over 500.

I know I will have to ask my parents for money to help out, and they are willing to, but my problem here is that I'm getting sucked in to the horrid spending habits of my roommate. We grocery shop together (I don't have a car and she does), and I find myself buying name brand food. Part of that problem is that we don't have a lot of time to cook here, so I buy a lot of premade food (hot pockets/stir fry where you add steak, etc) to save the time I don't have. I also buy lots of yogurt and fruits and veggies. Of what I buy, I do purposely buy the cheaper items..so overall I'm not doing bad in that department. But I also find myself finding it okay to buy a computer game ($30) and a nice haircut/dinner out (around $50 total), even though I shouldn't. It's too late to return those items, so I'm trying not to beat myself up over them...but I feel like I'm wasting money. My roommate and I are planning on going to 6 Flags this weekend, even though that is another 45.00 for ticket alone. I don't want to spend the money, but I never go anywhere here (wal-mart is the only place we ever go - which is also why i spend money..i go there and want to buy stuff i don't need). I need a day to go out and have fun someplace..so six flags is justified and okay as well.

I guess I just wanted to share what I'm going through with people who understand. I love my roommate and am so happy that we share this experience together. We have become really close. But sometimes I feel so poor next to her and her family. She used to complain as much as I do about having no money, but since we compared how much we both have left for the next months, I think she's finally understanding that she is not poor.

Oh, and I do also keep telling myself that overall I have it better... because I take care of my own expenses, I have only 27,000 dollars in debt (roughly) compared to 41,000 that she has, I will be able to survive any financial problem that comes up in life, and all that stuff... but if anyone has any more tips for resisting the urge to feel horribly poor around her and buy stuff that I shouldn't...please, let me know!

**Ceashels** · 10-12-2007, 09:11 AM

Wow, kudos to just recognizing the change in your spending habits. Perhaps you can develop a list of activities that are free or very inexpensive that you will enjoy.

Do you have your budget laid out so you can save for the big things like Six Flaggs or are you winging it? It might help keep you on track if you put it on paper just how much you can afford each week for food, see where you can trim it and then have a good dinner out. If you have a kitchen available, why not cook for the week, it is cheaper, you will have more wholesome food available to eat and it would be a fun activity/adventure to share.

Good luck.

**pip** · 10-12-2007, 09:28 AM

I don't think that you are in an unusual situation and I believe that you will find your way back to the lifestyle you are comfortable with. My first roomate wasn't rich, but did come from a family that spends, even money that they didn't have. I did enjoy the independence of being able to spend more than I was used to doing, but I guess compared to her, I really wasn't overdoing it. Fast forward thirty years (Did I just say thirty years? Yikes, I'm getting old!) and she has a LOT of debt. She now remembers that she was always putting things on her credit card but I never did. She wishes that she had done things differently. So....maybe your spending habits will be noticed and admired as noble one day. It's fun to feel free to spend, but I'm sure your past lifestyle will guide you in the end. Good luck.

**Dancing Lotus** · 10-12-2007, 09:31 AM

I totaly understand how you are feeling.

When I worked at Dillards all my friends were just working there for something to do and they spent all there paychecks on going out and buying expensive clothes. I like them and I wanted to hand out with them so I would go out and spend half my paycheck on a night out with the girls. I would charge expensive shoes and purses on my employee account and justify it becuase I got a discount. I have a pair of 300 dollar sunglasses becuase my best friend had some and I wanted them too.
Its so easy to get sucked in. I know how hard it is to resist but you have to do what is right for you.

Dont be me- I now have a charge card that I havent used in 3 yrs but I am still paying on it and I dont even see any of my old friendds anymore.

**bumplett** · 10-12-2007, 09:40 AM

I'd agree with a list of ideas of free/almost free activities

Picnics at the park are always a good start.

**Darlene** · 10-12-2007, 10:30 AM

Are you going to this six flags? If so this coupon will help you out a bit.
http://www.sanantoniovisit.com/save/...sta%20Texas%20®

**latierra84** · 10-12-2007, 11:18 AM

wow. i could see where youd easily feel pulled into the spending that she's used to. especially since she has a car and when you need to go shopping yall go together and its not like you can say.. well i'll meet you in the front in half an hour and just go about your ways since yall are friends and things. remember the fact that she has more debt than you. feel proud of the fact that you paid off as much as you have already. - go to six flags and enjoy yourself, especially since you want to go. walk around and ride the rides and take pictures. have a good time. take water or a fruit drink with you. eat a good meal before you go. take it one day at a time.

**Michelle68** · 10-12-2007, 12:16 PM

I think it's great that you've been able to clearly see your motivations for spending. it is very hard to spend so much time with someone who spends that freely and not get sucked into their spending ways. I think you've got a good hold on what's going on, but now you have to get back to your frugal ways, just so you won't have to ask your parents to help you out so much. Have a great time at Six Flags and then try to reign back some of the "bad habits" you've fallen into. If you want to do something fun, set aside money for it and, as someone else said, try to start cooking more at home if y'all have a kitchen. It's good to have you back on FV and you're doing great work, helping the animals. Good luck!

--Michelle

**boogiemum** · 10-12-2007, 01:27 PM

I completely understand what you are going through. I have the same issue with a few of my close friends and it has caused some tension. They like to go shop for lots of clothes, etc and I don't. I buy second hand and only as much as we need. I like to say we have it all worked out, but it's not. I have gotten more comfortable saying no and they seem more understanding though.

I agree that you should try to come up with a few free ideas of things to do. Let her know your budget is tight, but that you still like to spend time with her.

**annymoll** · 10-12-2007, 04:03 PM

I would work on being the more dominant person. No one will ever convince me to buy a 300 dollar pair of sunglasses, nor will I feel inferior if others buy and I don't. That goes across the board on all purchases.Do not mistake spending habits with wealth. Do not equate money with status.

**gentledenny** · 10-12-2007, 04:38 PM

I admire that you choose to work free for experience. I beleive you need to become tougher on your spending and not allow yourself to be taken out of your confort (money) zone. are you will suffer in your last month or so.

**mnmarty03** · 10-13-2007, 08:37 AM

Thanks everyone for the replies! It helps a lot, just knowing that there are other people out there going through the same issue. I do definitely need to work on being more of a leader and less of a follower at times, and I will keep that in mind. I will look into free things to do - though we usually stay home and do nothing, so that's free.

It's just those trips to wal-mart that get me.

We go to six flags today, and it should be fun! Thanks Darlene for the link for cheap tickets. I looked around a bunch because you reminded me of the whole world of coupons, and found a promo code that got us tickets at the kids price - we saved $13 dollars. I'm not buying any souveniers while I'm there or anything. I'm either going to bring lunch or we'll go out for lunch somewhere else other than six flags, so it's cheaper. My roommate knows I'm on a budget and never pressures me into doing anything or spending any money - it's just easy to want more expensive things when I see her buy them all the time.

Thank you all for helping me out again, and making me feel better. After today I'm going to work hard to not spend so much money. Thanks again!

**Telephus44** · 10-13-2007, 10:25 PM

I just wanted to add that I know how you feel. I went to college with some very well off friends, and sometimes it was just really hard - we go to the movies and they'd ask why I wasn't buying a drink and popcorn (because I'd already spent $5 for the ticket and didn't have another $10 to spend!)... but it is hard sometime to resist spending.

I wish I had more advice for you - but the only thing I can think of is when you go to Walmart, pick out a small item to buy (like a bottle of the $1 nail polish or your favorite candy bar) - that way you can feel like you're not wasting your time and you are getting something, even if it's small. I used to do this when I went shopping with people that had a lot more money to spend than I did.

**mikandmari** · 10-14-2007, 05:04 PM

You might like this article:

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com...rFinances.aspx

**mnmarty03** · 10-15-2007, 08:56 AM

Hey guys! Thanks again for all the advice! Mari, I totally understood what that article was saying! I've never been around someone who has as much money as my roommate's family does, so this is a new experience for me. Though I always had friends who were wealthier than I was/am, they were all wealthy on Midwestern standards - not New York, buying designer items rich.

We did go to Six Flags, and I had SOOOO much fun! I brought lunch and ate when I got there. During the day I bought $15 worth of food (my limit was 10-15 dollars, so I did well!), which would have been much more w/out my packed lunch, $10 for parking, and $25 to ride a bungee cord free fall ride. I didn't plan on spending the $25, but it was one of those once in a lifetime things, and I don't regret it in the least.

Now that I have that spending done, I'm on a pretty strict no spending extra money budget! I'll still treat myself to good food when I grocery shop probably, but I'm curbing my spending on any extras. I'm going to Germany in January, and need to have the money saved up to pay a lawyer to help my fiance come to the states in mid-late 2008 - so I need to remember those priorities!

This experience has been an eye opener for me. I can't comprehend why anyone would buy designer stuff and spend so much money. But I also was prejudiced and thought people like that were mostly stuck-up, and my roommate is anything but stuck-up. My roommate is also learning from me that not everyone lives like they do on long island. not everyone makes $120,000 as a teacher (her mom does!), and has 1.2 million dollar homes. Her boyfriend's family is even more loaded than she is, and if they stay together for the long run she'll never have to worry about money ever. But, at least she'll know what a part of the rest of the world lives like - which I think is good for the both of us.

And seeing her lifestyle, doesn't make me want to have it at all!