HELP!

**boogiemum** · 10-30-2007, 04:08 PM

After reading Total Money Makeover a few weeks ago Hubby was completely on board to sit down and budget and plan. We made our first date to do this tonight. Now he is being completely negative about this. He said to me last night that it was "real nice of me to make him sit there and get more depressed about how we don't have enough money." I responded that maybe he will feel better when we have a plan on how to handle things. He just keeps having the negative attitude about it though and I know things won't work if he's not on board with this and makes it an issue to plan.

Any suggestions on how to help him come around?

**ilovechocolate** · 10-30-2007, 05:36 PM

Personally I feel empowered by knowing how much I have (debt, savings, investments, etc.). Right now there's a whole lot more debt than I've ever had, but I have a plan and a system to get out of it, and boy, does it feel good.

Dave Ramsey's website has testimonials from people who have used his system. Maybe your DH would benefit from reading them???

And remember---the first step is the hardest.

**Jaded** · 10-30-2007, 05:59 PM

I just got that book from the library! I had a request in for WEEKS! I can't wait to get started on it.

**Its_Donna** · 10-30-2007, 06:01 PM

It takes a while to break habits and get on a written budget. Keep encouraging him and I'm sure things will work out.

**Marie78** · 10-30-2007, 07:34 PM

My fiance and I had difficulty sitting down and working on a budget together. I budget for myself and since we make the same amount of money we split expenses and if one of our incomes ever changes we will probably address the budget together at that time, he wouldn't follow a set budget and I can't be without one.

**SammiesMammie** · 10-31-2007, 11:18 AM

I Love Dave Ramsey!!!...My Husband on the other hand, didn't have the same opinion of him, UNTIL..we (I) started an EF that he didn't know about..paid off credit cards that DH was freaking about..got all our accounts current..It might take some time for your DH to come around, but if he's not on board, ask if you can be in control of the finances for a month or two..exclusively. That is how our TMM began, and to steal line from a movie "Build it and they will come"!!! Today, DH and I are Debt Free (we do rent though..we are saving for our 100% down payment on the house we live in) we drive an old car, and pay cash for everything.

If you start living like no one else, he will follow I'm sure, it might take some time, because it took us 6 months to be on the same page, but we are together now...and we will be living like no one else when the time is right!

Good luck to you..You can do it!!

**Dancing Lotus** · 10-31-2007, 12:08 PM

Sometimes is easier to do it yourself. Tell him you have a plan and to give you sometime to work on it. Ask if he would be willing to give up the credit card and agree to a cash allowence for awhile.

A year and a half ago I asked my dh to give me is debit card and asked him what type of alllowance he would need for a week. HE gets 20 bucks a week and thats it, by his choice. IF he needs more for something then he tells me he needs more money and I determine if we can afford it. I am proud to say that dispite some minor set backs and a near forcloser we are doing very well now and I am going to increase his allowance to 30. Mind you that 30 is just for blow money becuase I pack his lunch and his company pays for his gas so he doesnt really need any money.

**SammiesMammie** · 10-31-2007, 12:17 PM

Originally Posted by AnnK

Sometimes is easier to do it yourself. Tell him you have a plan and to give you sometime to work on it. Ask if he would be willing to give up the credit card and agree to a cash allowence for awhile.

A year and a half ago I asked my dh to give me is debit card and asked him what type of alllowance he would need for a week. HE gets 20 bucks a week and thats it, by his choice. IF he needs more for something then he tells me he needs more money and I determine if we can afford it. I am proud to say that dispite some minor set backs and a near forcloser we are doing very well now and I am going to increase his allowance to 30. Mind you that 30 is just for blow money becuase I pack his lunch and his company pays for his gas so he doesnt really need any money.

Amen AnnK..You go girl!!!! That is EXACTLY how it works!

**Libby** · 10-31-2007, 11:13 PM

I would explain to him that it will be nothing but hard but it is something that is very achievable. Admitting that you're that far in debt is the first step - and reassure him that he's doing just fine. If you keep moving along with it vs dwelling it will be over sooner. Hope he can get over this negative poutty phase so you both can move on with the TMM.

**Drgnfly423** · 11-01-2007, 01:06 AM

I agree with AnnK. I kind of did the same thing. Asked how much he thought he would need and I take care of the rest. I definitely keep him informed of every step we take. We started 4 years ago deep in credit card and car loan debt. Today we only have our mortgage...and I'm trying like heck to get that paid off!
Good luck!

**mom2three** · 11-02-2007, 11:33 AM

Take it a bit at a time. Put the EF money away off the top. Work out the budget without hubby if you have to. One thing I would ask of hubby is that purchases over x amount be discussed with both of you. I have slowly done this and after several months, hubby was on board. He does sometimes need extra money, but it is doable now and not out of hand. Our debt is slowly going down as well.

**mom2three** · 11-02-2007, 11:34 AM

Oh, I do not know your situation. I actually figured out our net worth. Because we have pensions, some home equity, and other things, it actually came out on the positive side which was an encouragement to hubby!

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