making a hard decision

**tammy88** · 11-02-2007, 12:04 AM

okay i am utlixing ya'll alot this month..sworry

okay in september we were getting really nice paychecks and i took the lead and starting paying everything..we have several medical bills from when we didnt have insurance that were old and i sent everyone a payment, i have a few bills under a $100.0 and sent them small payments..my goal was to do that every month.

now the health insurance kicked in and i have mentioned this in other post we were told because of the position my husband held he wouldnt pay for it..well that was incorrect..its a long story

so we are down by $500+ a month
i have some added bills now as well

im thinking of not paying anyone but the neccessities until the new year..no medicals..some are already in collections..and just concentrate of the home bills, the heating oil cost, christmas, the back rent and the new baby and just ignoring everyone until january...what ya think?

**Preston** · 11-02-2007, 03:00 AM

If I were you I would keep my #1 priority of keeping a roof over my head. What are your living arrangements? Is moving to a smaller place a feasible option?

I would contact the medical bills and make arrangements to have them paid. Explain your situation and try to make them work out a deal with you.

In all honesty, is Christmas really that important of an expense? Here's where you can probably do the most trimming to your budget.

**frugal-fannie** · 11-02-2007, 04:11 AM

Originally Posted by Preston

If I were you I would keep my #1 priority of keeping a roof over my head. What are your living arrangements? Is moving to a smaller place a feasible option?

I would contact the medical bills and make arrangements to have them paid. Explain your situation and try to make them work out a deal with you.

In all honesty, is Christmas really that important of an expense? Here's where you can probably do the most trimming to your budget.

I would make the back rent my number one thing, unless you are renting from a family member and they are ok with it.Then I would go in order of car food ,gas and other utilities. Check who you are giving to. We have down scaled our Christmas or traded names if you have a large family that way it is not a big burden on everyone, Kind of defeats the reason for the season.

**Its_Donna** · 11-02-2007, 05:09 AM

In tough times I always went with the nesessities 1st: Food, Shelter, Utilties, Transportation, clothing. Then I worked on an emergency fund and send out credit and medical payments last.

**tammy88** · 11-02-2007, 09:48 AM

no moving is not an option we are in a lease, we are very comfortable here..just since the drop in paychecks we havent been able to recover. its only been a couple of weeks and i need to be able to restore my bugdet and make it work..and with the paying the bck rent and all the medical its doesnt leave much room, like we had..so i was thinking of only paying the utilities, the back rent, c.c. car insurance, cell phone (have too or they cut it off and cost me more) and couple of the big bills. then tend to the medical bills again starting jan, because i should have the back rent paid by then. i also want to get a head start on saving for a couple of things my husband needs dental work done very badly so i want to start saving for that, i need glasses before i deliver the baby because i dont think they will let me where the contacts throught out everything (c-section) i want to be able to buy my son a few christmas presents and paying everyone i cant all of it. i figured i would pay off a couple of things also so that it would be less bills come Janauary

these medical people just suck they wont help anyone..for two months i sent everyone payments, first payments were bigger, the second payements were around 20.00 no one will keep the bills unless i guarantee them 25+ a month and i have like 8 medical bills i cant give them all $25+ a month especially right this minute. then when the baby comes there will be more medical bills because i have the $300.00 delivey co pay and they charge a in patient co pay everyday from $250-1250.00!! i figured when i receive a bill and if i have $10 i will send that bills $10.00 but if i dont have it...

im also looking into dropping my cell phone minutes again to only 200 minutes but i loose so much from the phone company when i do that, im calling verizon to see if i can downgrade the interent, i have directv and it is way over priced but i got sucked into a contract when i got a dvr for christmas last year..but my family wouldnt make it without tv. husbands drivers license is up for renewal before christmas, im gonna pay that laptop off this month thats an extra $105 a month, my va power bill is over 200.00 a month because the summer was so hot and we had 3 window units running and i had to make a payment plan with them, because the bills were over 300+ a month. i dropped my netflix from 18-13.00 a month..i bought a canvas closet for the kids clothes from a company you make payments too and when i opened it yesterday it was some what damanged (fixable) and so they gave it to me for 1/2 the price!!

**3-boys-4-me** · 11-02-2007, 10:19 AM

Hi Tammy. I have a few questions before offering any suggestions.

~How many are in your family? How old are your other children? Congrats on the soon to be new addition to your family. When are you due?
~Have you checked into other medical? WIC? Foodstamps?
~Do you qualify to get assistance with your rent, heating oil, electric bills?

**annymoll** · 11-02-2007, 10:22 AM

Since you asked what others think, I will give you my opinion. This would be the perfect time for your DH to quit smoking, then you can take that money and use it to pay medical bill- if that is the bill you will be defaulting on otherwise.

**tammy88** · 11-02-2007, 10:39 AM

there is me my husband my 3 year old and the new baby

my husband really makes excellent money so i know that we wouldnt get approved for any kind of assistance..but we have the medical bills, the bankruptcy and since i stay home thats an income we lost.

my husband quit smokin? lol..i think it would be easier pull teeth!!..lol

thayts just something thats not going to happen..he tries every so often but doesn succeed with it..im actually hoping he will soon because everyone in the family has quit but him, so he has to smoke outside all the time..and with my mom going through cancer its another BIG hint to quit..but if i try talking to him about it, it just makes him angry. if you live with a smoker you know what i mean

**annymoll** · 11-02-2007, 11:01 AM

I do understand, that with addiction,family and financial needs are often put to the wayside. It is just a suggestion. Good luck to you.

**tammy88** · 11-02-2007, 11:02 AM

anny i didnt mean that in an ugly way at all..

thank you for the advice..i wish he would stop for sooooo many reason

**3-boys-4-me** · 11-02-2007, 11:27 AM

~Try cutting your grocery budget just a bit. I am sure FrugalMomof3 could share some great tips/recipes with you. She manages to feed her family on something like $75 a month!
~Try asking for assistance and see what you qualify for. I am sure your DH makes very good money, but it obviously isn't enough. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but don't be afraid to ask for help. Worse they can say is no.
~Stop spending on everything but rent, gas, heating oil, groceries ect. You said that you purchased something for your kids that doesn't needed to be paid for right away? That's going to have to be paid for eventually, therefor putting your further away from getting ahead.
~Don't worry about Christmas. I promise you a small Christmas won't damage your child for life. Don't purchase anything for your DH and tell him not to purchase anything for you. I am sure all can agree that a roof over your head is worth more than a new sweater on your backs.
Again, I don't mean to sound harsh and these are just my suggestions. I have been where you are now, I know it's rough but you can get through this. It's just going to take some discipline, determination and effort on everyones part.
Take care and good luck to you.

**annymoll** · 11-02-2007, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by tammy88

anny i didnt mean that in an ugly way at all..

thank you for the advice..i wish he would stop for sooooo many reason

Well, kiddo, it's easy to give advice. Cause it's not you! LOL!!If I had to follow my own advice all the time, I would be miserable, no fun , and bored to tears!!!Hang in there, I think you are working hard!

**tammy88** · 11-02-2007, 12:34 PM

i am going to work on the grocery budget this month..we stocked up on some stuff last month..

i liked to find an easy, cheap way to keep things stocked
i am meal planning..i got two weeks done
shopping by the meal planning

i am doing thanksgiving dinner so i made a shopping list and im adding a few items to my weekly list at a time so i dont have to spend a whole lot at one time. im also going to ask my younger sister to chip in an buy a few things

i bought a closet storage thing for the kids because i have no where to put their clothes for them, my sons dresser is broken and this house has no closets..can you believe it?..the closets here are like 3 foot high and there are only 2..so anyways thats not bad its like 2 or 3 payments of $20.00

i just want to take the extra money and divide it for paying off things, saving dental, getting some eye glasses, the back rent and christmas..i dont plan on spending a lot for christmas..we are only buying for the kids..and we already discussed that we arent spending alot at all this year.

as far as assistance i think here there is a limit on what you make and my husband brings home around 75,000 a year and i think the limit is 40,000 a year..terrible we have it tight making that much....ive thought about it and if its possible after the baby gets here im changing the health insurance..getting my own plan and letting my husband carry insurance on himself and the boys i think it would be cheaper..because thats where all the extra moeny went too..and its not even that good of insurance...$600.00 a month because its a small company with several disabled kids on it..one person has twins with down syndrom and another family has a teen with muscular dis really bad...im thankful that i have healthy children

my husband doenst see it as tight because he grew up poor but when i only see $200.00 for a week left over and i need groceries, gas, a drs visit, his cigerates, his running $$, babysitter for a day while i go to the doctors i just feel like i dont have any wiggle room for christmas, oil, eye glasses, and savings...I REALLY WANT TO SAVE SOME MONEY!! and that is soooo hard to do...

**justpeachy92** · 11-02-2007, 12:48 PM

I am a smoker, though not currently smoking because I had my own health scare. Though I will admit even though I haven't had one since mid April, I still want one everyday. I say this only because I know what its like to deal with that addiction.
When I did smoke I can tell you there were times when smokes weren't bought because there was stuff my children needed first. And I can remember counting down till the next pay period so I could get some. Sorry if this offends but once you have children there are times when you go without so you can provide what your children need, to put cigarettes about the needs of the children is selfish of your husband and selfish of you for allowing it.
As for paying the bills I feel they should be paid in this order, housing (so you aren't homeless), transportation (so you can work) electric and water(things you need), groceries (food is needed, but not expensive cuts of meat), medical (to keep you healthy), clothes and then if there is money you pay for the wants,(phone, cable, internet, mail order shopping.)
As for Christmas, your son is only 3. At that age it is more about quantity then quality for the wow factor of the day. That can be easily done for very little money. Through tomorrow target has good games for toddlers on sale for $4.99, I got 4 for my own 3 yr old. Halloween stuff is on clearance, I got my little one a bag of halloween play dough for $2.50, this will just about fill her stocking.

**tammy88** · 11-02-2007, 01:24 PM

money isnt to the point that we cant put food on the table because he smokes..i just want money left over to get christmas presents, pay off a thing or two and bcause being broke after paying everything is depressing..work all week and have nothing left over is just a big downer..i konw the responsible thing is to pay everything then use whats left..but when is something ever left over now?

my husband ALWAYS puts our kids first, then me, and my family and then hisself..my husband needs dental attention so bad right now but refuses to go until after the holidays so that jayson can have a nice christmas, so that we can have nice holidays..he also needs to go to the doctors for a check up really bad and he refuses to go because if something is wrong then he will be out of work and that would hurt us..he also is talking about getting a second job just to give my parents the check so my mom doesnt have to work while she is going though chemotherapy..so by no means is he selfish..now me..im selfish..i want money in the bank, i want him to get his teeth fixed i want him to go to the doctors, i want the bills paid..i want big christmases and holidays...

my problem is i never ever grew up seeing money problems..and not because we didnt have but because i was very shelters so the littlest mix up in money freaks me out..im not excited about christmas this year because i have sooo much going on..

Christmas for my son will be much smaller then last year..the kid already has everything people take him toy shopping almost every week (i wish they would stop) i wont to get him the craftsman tool table and set thats $60.00, some additional pieces, some leapster games, tj beary tale cartridges, (got 2 on clearence already for 2.98 each) no more match box!!! he literally got 200+ last christmas! (closeout sale)