Should I tell my hubby about the debt?

**VanVivCam** · 12-20-2007, 11:40 AM

Here is my situation. I have just signed up with CCCS for my debts. This will take 44 months (hopefully I will be able to make bigger payments and get it paid off faster). I am really proud that I have taken this step in paying off my debt, and the interest rate will be MUCH lower than it is now.

Here is my problem....hubby only thinks that we have a student loan under $1,000, which is true, it is under that amount and should be paid off within the next six months. He has NO IDEA about the other $17,000 in credit cards and INTEREST that I have!!!!!!! We went thru this problem with me a CC's a couple of years ago and he was sooooooo disappointed with me when he found out!!!!

Should I tell him about this, or should I try to pay the $400 each month and pray he won't miss it??? He does not have any hand in our finances, so I really dont' think he would notice. I just got this extra parttime job and hoping this will pay off the debt!!!

OK ladies, I could really use your opinions and thoughts on this!! Any two cents you all want to add, I will greatly accept!

Thanks,

Vanessa

**lwlynch** · 12-20-2007, 11:45 AM

Well, I always say honesty is the best policy. It will just eat you up hiding it. I think just take his disappointment and try to think of new ways to keep your hands off those cards... Good luck..

**forHISglory** · 12-20-2007, 11:48 AM

Tough spot to be in, but I'm a firm believer in total honesty between husband and wife. You are in a relationship and that relationship calls for both of you to be upfront with each other. It also means that you should make money decisions together. When two become one, I think it means EVERYTHING becomes one. Bite the bullet, confess, and together work out a plan.

The only exception I can think of where I wouldn't advise telling him is if this would put you into a dangerous situation. For example if he has a violent temper, etc.

Let us know how it goes.

**Kitten20** · 12-20-2007, 11:50 AM

I would definitely tell him if I were you. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it sounds like your problem with CCs is like an addiction and you can't fight it alone -- you need his support. If I am way off base and you are offended, I apologize! I can't imagine the weight you must carry around on your shoulders, keeping this to yourself.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

**Izzy0906** · 12-20-2007, 11:50 AM

The first thought that popped into my head was that I would be even more disappointed if I found out later and learned it was kept from me for so long.

**Jamauk** · 12-20-2007, 11:51 AM

Has he not noticed the money going out (to pay the individual bills) up to this point?

In my opinion, hiding something from your spouse is never a good idea. I know its hard, but coming clean and being honest will be easier (in the long run) then using up all of that energy and stressing out about trying to keep it hidden from him. While $400 each month isn't a HUGE amount, its substantial enough that he will probably eventually notice.

If you decide to tell him, its not as if you are looking to have him bail you out. You have recognized your mistake, you have made a plan and you set that plan in motion. In my opinion, that shows that you are committed to getting out (and *staying* out) of debt.

Big Hugs and come back here for support!

**acidcookie** · 12-20-2007, 11:53 AM

Yeah nothing about keeping $17K in debt and $400/mth of mysteriously disappearing money sounds good to me.

**Cricket1** · 12-20-2007, 12:03 PM

I agree with everyone--$400 for 44 months--that's a biggie. I would tell him--it will totally stink, but he deserves to know.

**McD** · 12-20-2007, 12:08 PM

I am typing this with a very heavy heart as I say tell him the whole truth.

I say this with a heavy heart because my entire childhood was spent watching my mom and dad fight about money and the problems the mismanagement and hiding of problems that all of it brought on. We almost lost our house, had no heat, no telephone, etc. due to my mom's mismanagement and lying in regards to money. At this very moment, she is caught up in the same stuff and it might cost her the marriage. The sad thing is she put me in the middle of it this time.

I know it's easy to think that he won't notice or that it will be easier to hide it from him, but trust me when I say that that is not the way it works.

**FrugalMomof3** · 12-20-2007, 12:28 PM

I say be honest with him, I am sure he will undrstand but you also have to agree on not spending anymore money for anything unless it's a bill that needs to be paid or presents that need to be bought.

Believe me, I hid a big thing I did from my DH years and years ago and he forgave me when I told him the truth about it, plus it felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders.

**Tiajean** · 12-20-2007, 12:33 PM

First off, I agree with glory in if he's voilent, definately don't tell him.

Other than that, I guess it comes down to your ethics and morals and how you would feel if he kept something that big from you (even if you found out after all was fixed).
I, personally, would feel completely betrayed that something like that was kept from me. I'd rather know about it as it was happening than to find out later (and he will eventually find out, these things fester and eventually leak before they clear up, sorry for the gross analogy!). But, again, it is up to you. You know your husband better than any of us and how things may pan out. I would hope that your husband can look past it and support you (emotionally, not financially) in your journey to get rid of the debt.
I wish you luck in your decision and I really hope everything works out for you in this!
Tia

**wulong32** · 12-20-2007, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by Izzy0906

The first thought that popped into my head was that I would be even more disappointed if I found out later and learned it was kept from me for so long.

My thoughts exactly.

**HappyMama** · 12-20-2007, 12:49 PM

Hugs to you! I know how hard this all must be for you and think it is great you have a plan, vision , goals and a way out of debt.

I agree with the others that is a huge amount in the whole picture of the 44 months to not tell him. Like the others have said unless he is violent and would put you in danger I would sit him down show him the debt , plan etc .

The two of you are partners in a marriage and parenthood together and need to keep the strong team approach with both of you on board to make it work. Otherwise eventually he will figure the budget out when he wants to do something as a family and you don't have the money. Honesty is the best policy in life and marriage.

**YankeeMom** · 12-20-2007, 12:50 PM

I could never keep something that huge from my husband.

Whatever you decide, I would try to use your dislike of his disappointment in your financial issues as a deterrent from accumulating more debt in the future

**mikandmari** · 12-20-2007, 01:22 PM

You say you went through this a couple of years ago, so this is the 2nd time... but he still doesn't have a hand in your combined finances?

My opinion (you asked for it!) is that HE should be handling the finances. You apparently have an addiction (to spending) that you can't control. He should hand you your spending cash each week.

Doesn't he wonder why you took a part-time job? As long as you stick with the job (-- don't have a history of quitting) hopefully he will accept that you're working to pay it off.

How is your (and his) credit through all of this? If you've taken control of things before the credit score suffered, that's a positive thing that you can point out to him.

Good luck! I can tell you from experience, hanging out on this forum will make it easier to spend less money