Guilt over not giving?

**sunray16** · 01-05-2008, 11:49 AM

We've had money problems for a while and we stopped tithing to our church because we felt we couldn't afford it. Since we've started TMMO, I've had a lot of guilt over not tithing. In my heart, I want to, but my head tells me no way. The amount we have available to put toward whatever debt we're attacking (minimums on everything else) is $500 per month. If we tithed 10% of our income, that would be $400, taking my snowball from $500 down to $100.

Logically, it makes sense to hold off until we're in a better financial position. But, I feel really guilty about it.

What would you do?

**latierra84** · 01-05-2008, 12:00 PM

you must take care of yourself before you help others. if you take care of your debt now, you'll be a in a better position to tithe latter and maybe even contribute in more way. - maybe trying donating some of your time after services or.. organizing a small fund raiser event. just because youre not tithing doesnt mean that you still can't be involved.

**Jenna** · 01-05-2008, 12:00 PM

What would you do?

Can you volunteer & donate some of your time and compassion, instead? Does your church work with the less fortunate? run a food bank? What about the Salvation Army?

Maybe - through your church - help out a less fortunate family? maybe they need help with babysitting - or someone to talk to....

**powerfm1** · 01-05-2008, 12:02 PM

No need to feel guilty - your first responsibility is to your family. I'm not a christian, but I would say that your higher power gave you gifts to take care of the obligations you have.

You are doing what you are supposed to.

Other things will come in time.

**Dancing Lotus** · 01-05-2008, 12:20 PM

This is my biggest problem with tithing. Im sorry but I don't believe that God intends for anybody to feel pressured or guilty when they can't afford to give.

That whole 10% thing really gets me. I beleive that you could better to spend some time helping someone in need. There are a thousand ways to contribute to your church other then money.

**bRATmom** · 01-05-2008, 12:23 PM

I would still tithe. Sorry, but your church doesnt pay for itself, the patrons of it are the ones who keep it going. Lights, heat, morgage must be paid for. If you dont want to do your 10%, you can still give something. EVen the 100.00 a month is 25.00 a week and you still have 400.00 for debt repayment.

**sunray16** · 01-05-2008, 12:27 PM

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not feeling pressured by anyone. It's just a part of my faith that we support our church and give back to God through tithing. I feel a moral obligation to give back. Maybe I will see if there are other outlets use to "give" with my time and talents.

**nuisance26** · 01-05-2008, 12:28 PM

~I agree. Don't feel guilty, invest your time instead. Our offerrings to God come from our hearts and hands, not our pocketbooks. I read an article once where a couple paid off all their debts and then paid back their 'tithe' as a gratitude offerring. So that's another option for you to think about.~

**bRATmom** · 01-05-2008, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by AnnK

This is my biggest problem with tithing. Im sorry but I don't believe that God intends for anybody to feel pressured or guilty when they can't afford to give.

That whole 10% thing really gets me. I beleive that you could better to spend some time helping someone in need. There are a thousand ways to contribute to your church other then money.

why not take the time to see your churches expense sheet some day. Who do you think pays the lights? the heat? the morgage on the building? the pastors salery, the office people? Insurence? Lets be realistic and remember, if no money comes in, there will be no church to go to.

**inneedofhope** · 01-05-2008, 12:34 PM

I'm thinking rather than tithe $$ you owe to debts, could you donate used clothing to a clothing bank, food or paper products that you've gotten free or very low cost to a food pantry? Actually, the paper products, cleaning products, soaps and shampoos are really appreciated at the food pantries and outreach centers because food stamps do not help with these things. You could designate a smaller amount to tithe, say $20, until you get out of debt, and then save up for a larger tithe to make up for it. Definately check with your church and see if there are any volunteer things you could do. For example, my mil used to spend one morning a week cleaning a local church. She was paid for her time, but I'm sure the church would jump on the chance to cut that expense out of their budget and use a volunteer.
There are so many things you can do that would be helpful.

**inneedofhope** · 01-05-2008, 12:39 PM

"why not take the time to see your churches expense sheet some day. Who do you think pays the lights? the heat? the morgage on the building? the pastors salery, the office people? Insurence? Lets be realistic and remember, if no money comes in, there will be no church to go to. " Quote
Looking at the expenses and seeing where you can help them out to cut those costs somewhere might be a good idea. Or maybe help with a fundraising project if your church is about to fundraise?? I agree that tithing is important, as the church needs operation costs. On the other hand if tithing too much puts you in a possition to end up in trouble and needing to get help from the church in the long run, then don't feel guilty about tithing and giving within your means.

**RLC12345678** · 01-05-2008, 12:47 PM

Well, if you are feeling guilty about not tithing, maybe God is trying to speak to you. If you cannot afford the 10%, anything is better than nothing. My husband and I are firm believers but we cannot afford the 10% at this time either. However, we do still donate. Whenever we go to church, we put a donation in the offering plate. It's better than nothing......

**KJayEsq** · 01-05-2008, 12:48 PM

I'm in the same boat. I still find a small amount to give, but it is nowhere near 10% of my income. I try not to feel guilty about it and I tell myself (as Dave Ramsey states) that once I'm out of debt, I'll have a LOT of money to give.

**many houseapes** · 01-05-2008, 01:04 PM

I can understand why you feel so torn by this.I am going to tell you a true story when we were facing some tough times & with it,some very tough decisions - About 18 months ago, my husband was unjustly fired from his job b/c he chose to put his family first and he was unemployed for 6 months because of it. At this time, we had no EF and very little in savings....we were also expecting our 10th child. We had prayed about the situation b/c,like you, we believe in tithing 10%, but everything that was happening was telling us that the logical answer would be to withold tithing. We decided that no matter how bad things were, we would continue to tithe 10% of every dollar that came in(if any money were to be had).
All I can say is that you can NEVER outgive God.He is so faithful. Before too long, the older 3 children were working and helped pay for the utilities & food & when we did our tax return, we were amazed that we recieved the most that we had ever recieved on a return. my luck even changed on ebay & I managed to sell things for alot more than what was expected,God even put people in our lives to be tremendous blessings to our family. My midwife would not hear of me paying her to deliver our baby...she said "we're having a baby no matter if you can pay or not,so just don't worry about paying me, b/c I'm not worried-God's going to take care of everything"

The only help that we recieved during that time was 2 $200 checks from the church & 1 trip to the food bank...we survived without government help(I am astonished).
What amazed me the most was that our situation had a tremendous impact on others. Our church secretary took me aside & told me that everyone in the church office was so in awe that our family would still tithe when there was so little money to be had (sometimes there would only be.50 in our envelope)-unbeknownst to me until the situation was over & dh got another job, that many people's faith grew b/c of how they watched as our family pulled together & chose to continue tithing. It was a VERY scary time for us all-but I would not change a thing -when it had such an impact on others.
Please don't think that I am trying to tell you what to do,I am just sharing what happened to us when we were faced with that decision. Your situation is a little different - I would just pray about it as a family, then make your decision.
I wish you all the best.Hugs to you

**Dancing Lotus** · 01-05-2008, 02:22 PM

I knew what I said was going to push some buttons. But I don't want people to hold back on me so I said what I think.

I still think its wrong for a church to expect you to give 10% if that is going to cuase you fiancial hardship.

I say put 10 bucks in everyweek untill you can afford to put in the 10% . Your church would want you to meet your financial needs first so that later you can better help.

Could someone please tell me where the church (whatever church) came up with the number 10%?