Had a good cry tonight

prairiewife · 02-15-2008, 12:01 AM

It seems without even spending any extra our debt just keeps going up and up. It's a long personal story, but the short story is my fiance now owes an old business partner over $4000 from several years ago. This is a lesson in verbal agreements and keeping good records. He didn't keep good records, the other guy did. And after several years and all those verbal agreements mean nothing.

This really sets us back. I know I should follow my own advice, pay the minimums save up for an emergency fund and be patient. I don't yet know the time limit we have to pay this new debt.

My fiance went to work tonight and I just had myself a good cry. With our income I don't see how we will be debt free in less than two years. I am trying to be positive in front of him, he has enough to worry about. I need to sit down and redo the budget I just finished. It will now have to be a budget that cuts the extras.

I don't want this to cause any tension between us. I'm worried that if I keep focusing so much on our debts it's going to cause problems. He keeps saying he doesn't want us to live so tight that we have no extras.

I'm starting to feel selfish, I was hoping to save up for a newer vehicle (I don't think mine will last another year) and a down payment on a home so we don't have to rent forever. I would love to have more than three pairs of work pants that I keep having to rotate everyday. I would love to be able to fix up this house so it feels more like a home.

I guess I just needed to gripe a little.

mikandmari · 02-15-2008, 12:38 AM

You need a teddy bear to hug.

I think many of us here can relate to the way you're feeling, 2 steps forward, 3 steps back

. Remember, time marches on, and even if it takes more than 2 years, you are heading in the right direction.

Maybe -- with some luck -- that car of yours will hold out for a little longer. I'm going thru a similar problem right now... dd's car keeps having problems. We absolutely can't afford another payment (we already have a hefty one on dh's truck) not to mention full coverage car insurance on a teenager. But I can't have a 17 year old girl in an unreliable car, either.

I guess this explains why we're sitting up past midnight posting on the forum!

It'll get better. We have to believe that!

prairiewife · 02-15-2008, 12:51 AM

Thanks Mari - Yes it's late here almost 11:00 p.m. I'm not very tired, too much going on in my mind. I do have to work tomorrow so will probably be tired in the morning.

Its_Donna · 02-15-2008, 05:10 AM

Don't be too discouraged...it just takes time. Be diligent and the results will start to show...it's a great feeling and I know you have the patience to get there. We all have bad days when we feel discouraged...here's a big hug

wannabedebtfree · 02-15-2008, 08:39 AM

I know just how hard this is for you (as many others on here do, I'm sure). My FI has a $14k IRS debt that we are chipping away at. Ugh, yeah, that is hard. It is great that you are aware of it and can begin to make progress in the right direction. Good luck.

Cricket1 · 02-15-2008, 09:12 AM

Sorry you're going through this tough time. Big hugs coming your way.

Jenna · 02-16-2008, 12:01 AM

I think crying can be a great stress reliever....

I'll admit I cried at my current job twice! -- both times 'cause I was frustrated and angry... The first time, I played it off... but this last time virtually EVERYONE knew! I was so pissed, I almost didn't come back from my lunch break (as I walked out in tears.)

I HATE crying in front of "acquaintances" like that...

prairiewife · 02-16-2008, 12:24 AM

Jenna:

Sorry about things at work. You're right sometimes crying is a good stress reliever, but it's hard when you get upset in front of others. Hope things get better for you at your job soon.

chatterweb · 02-16-2008, 03:18 AM

Cry some more...it helps a lot!!
If it is any consolation...our rental that is 2 years new is in near perfect condition. The home we live in needs tons of cosmetic work, AND we have no furniture still.
I am talking new doors floors and paint, new landscaping,baseboards and remodeling both bathrooms...

So, try to separate needs and wants and get geared up to pay the 4K off...if I can suck it up, so can you!

Marie78 · 02-16-2008, 09:38 AM

I know it's hard right now, especially when new debt has been discovered. It will get easier though. I'm sure you are working on a debt snowball, most of us are. It's all we can really do. I am working on my smaller CC debt amount 1st and then I'll apply that amount to the larger CC debt next. I have been trying to celebrate each accomplishment along the way. It helps to appreciate when the small debts are paid, because then you have that money to put towards the larger debt.

I know it's hard to live without the extras. It's even harder when the "extras" include items like work pants. I always check the clearance racks at stores for good deals on work clothes, and thrift stores have turned up a few items for me too. My best buys have been clearance at department stores.

Maybe with each debt repayment you complete you and your fiance can treat yourselves to something you have been wanting or needing, like: a new work outfit or a hair cut and whatever your fiance wishes he could have more of.

Jenna · 02-16-2008, 09:54 AM

Quote:

I'm starting to feel selfish, I was hoping to save up for a newer vehicle (I don't think mine will last another year) and a down payment on a home so we don't have to rent forever. I would love to have more than three pairs of work pants that I keep having to rotate everyday. I would love to be able to fix up this house so it feels more like a home.

There's nothing wrong w/having goals. You may have to forgo decorating your current house to save that money. That's what we decided to do. We figure any decorations we buy may not "fit" any home we chose to buy....

I, too, check the clearance racks for work pants, and need to save for a newer car. I'm hoping my current car can just hold out for a few more years since I won't be able to save for a house and a car at the same time (not to mention retirement.) It can be daunting to realize I'll need to save about 1/2 my income to meet just three goals this year.

We're moving soon, so if I need to, I'll working two jobs in the new city to meet my goals.

Jenna · 02-16-2008, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prairiewife

Jenna:

Sorry about things at work. You're right sometimes crying is a good stress reliever, but it's hard when you get upset in front of others. Hope things get better for you at your job soon.

Thanks. We're moving soon - in 10 weeks! I'm hoping I can hold it together until that time. Our company reorganized, and my current workload virtually doubled (with NO increase in pay.) Some of my peers saw their responsibilities decrease (or have 2 assistants who work 40 hours a week - thereby decreasing their workload.) I have one assistant who works about 15 hours for me a week.

prairiewife · 02-16-2008, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenna

You may have to forgo decorating your current house to save that money. That's what we decided to do. We figure any decorations we buy may not "fit" any home we chose to buy....

Your right about decorations not fitting into a new home. This one is wallpapered and has light purple carpet. Yuck! I could do some decorating with greens and lavenders but this is not what we would use in a home of our own. I like earth tones and softer colors. I personally am happy to leave it alone, but my fiance wants it to feel more homey. I found some inexpensive material I liked so maybe sewing a few pretty curtains would help. I could keep the old ones and put them back up if and when we move.

I also spoke with him about me working full time or finding something on my Monday and Wednesday off. I work everyother weekend so weekend work wouldn't fit. He didn't like this idea at all. I have offered to fill in when one of the other girls can't make it to work. So may pick up a few extra days here and there.

dontworry · 02-16-2008, 10:59 AM

Hang in there...

prairiewife · 02-16-2008, 12:52 PM

Candy - We will get this paid off as soon as possible. I don't want it hanging over our heads. We are going to make arrangements for monthly payments. My problem is after looking over all the paperwork I don't understand how the judge came up with the amount owed. I know this was done out of bitterness and they had planned this for a while so my fiance was as not prepared as he should have been. He did have enough evidence to offset about $3500 worth of expenses so it could have been much worse.