turning 18

**happymommy** · 03-13-2008, 11:37 AM

My dd is turning 18 next month. I'm looking for some advice on what you may of did in the management of money at that age.
She will be going to college, staying at home next fall. Were paying for this.

I bought her prom dress, jewlery, purse.........$400.00

Bought us tickets to her first concert..........$170

She is a bit late and is getting her licence next week....$140.00 lesson and test that day.
..Our car insurance will be going up a $1000.00.

She is going with friends on a trip after graduation, with a parent. Cost about
$600.00 Including food, lodging, tickets to a play etc.

I want to pay for her prom tickets $80

Just a few examples of what is coming up.

I was thinking of going halfs with her on car insurance. Half on her vacation, because it's her senior celebration.

She babysits and makes $10 an hour. Her income varies each month. She has money saved.

What did you do when your child turned 18, what did you pay for and didn't?

Thanks for any ideas.

**M55FF** · 03-13-2008, 11:46 AM

My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage...
he has prepared her since age 16. At first when a job was suggested she freaked out and carried on with a tantrum of major degree.

She goes to school half time and out at 12 noon.
and at age 17 she started working. She will be 18 in a few months.
Now she is being told to get a job with insurance or join the service at 18 since she shows no signs of following through with her big plans to go to college and get a fancy degree.. instead opting to
spend all her time with her much older boyfriend.
She wanted to go on a trip too
but unless she can pay for it or someone else pays for it, then guess she's not.

A trip after graduation is for kids of the super wealthy... not us.
If we had the money for a vacation, we would be taking it.
Sorry, no spoiled kids here... they tried to be but it didn't work.
My husband and I have to work too hard to pamper kids and the whims and ideals they have concerning what should be...
as we live in the land of what is.

Nothing wrong with telling her no if you can't afford it and there is always the suggestion of a
J O B !

**MirandaK** · 03-13-2008, 11:57 AM

Wow...that was kinda rude.

I think offering to go halves on the trip and insurance is a good compromise.

Or even with prom...buy the dress and stuff but ask her to get shoes and/or jewelry.

I don't see anything wrong with offering to help where you can.

**geckoace** · 03-13-2008, 12:21 PM

i think half of her vacation is fine, as long as she's a good kid who did well and is on the right track and you can afford it. i dont really see a problem. if you want to buy her prom tickets buy them i dont think it will ruin her future

i think there is a big difference between having things and being spoiled.

i would probably ask her to pay her portion of the car insurance (or whatever is feasible) as driving is a privilege that i think is taken more seriously when you realize the cost.

for educational purposes. how about you require her to pay "rent" in the form of a required savings amount for living at home, then when its time for her to move out she will have a nest egg.

**Denvergirlie** · 03-13-2008, 01:36 PM

Pay for what you feel is fair in terms of her end of the year expenses. However, come the start of college, the "rent" thing is a good thing.

I paid $200 a month in "rent", but got it back when I moved out. Forced savings. I also still had chores around the house and even took on all the grocery shopping for my mom. She still paid for the groceries but I had to go buy them and unload, etc.

Good luck

**M55FF** · 03-13-2008, 01:42 PM

life is hard, kids should find this out sooner than later.
rude is playing games with them as to coddle them into the "diva" and "princess" thinking.

My parents didn't coddle me and I thanked them when I turned 40 and realized how blessed I was by that fact.
My husband was raised like me too...
and
we agree on how to handle the games and boundry testing that goes on when kids turn of age and don't want to gorw up.

To note: since laying down the law, we have not once heard "princess" talk from her.
Its great.

**leezza** · 03-13-2008, 01:47 PM

Happymommy,

I think it is really nice that you want to do so much for your daughter........

I don't have children but if you don't mind me making a suggestion:

*Your daughter should get her own car insurance........not only because of the increase in your insurance but if something were to happen while she was driving it would affect your insurance for years to come. JMHO

*I also think she should pay some kind of rent and help around the house to earn her keep.

Your a nice mommy.

Kind Regards,
leezza

**Cricketlegs** · 03-13-2008, 02:07 PM

My dd has a scholarship that pays tuition and books to Texas tech. We split what is left with my ex on room and board and yes we did take out a loan to do it.

I am choosing to send my dd to college without her getting in debt.

Her dad pays her insurance and got her a beater car.

I bought her cell phone and the charges for it, the lap top, the expensive clock for the hearing impared and all her dorm supplies as well as tires and some car work.

Both her father and I send her $100 each a month for expenses.

She pays us back by going to school and making good grades. She is 8 hours away but comes home every chance she gets. She causes us zero problems.

Now it is time for my step dd to go to college. I found out just last night she got a tuition/books paid scholarship to a community college in her state that will cost MORE for us in room and board than what we pay for my oldest to go to a major university.

BLAH! I am wondering how we are going to do it but you better believe we will find a way.

Frankly I want my step dd to hold out and try to get on at a Major university at that price.

Her Mom will not be helping is is probably in a tizzy as the child support ends in May.

We pay for my step dds insurance and my dhs mom bought her her truck. We told Whitney that when child support stops we will be sending her(depositing in her account here and she has a check card as we are in different states) $100 a month--same deal as we give Emily.

I do not think it is wrong to help your children.

My Emily works part time and Whitney worked until layoffs and they are both full time students.

Do what you FEEL is right.

18 is not some magical age--trust me they are still babies in so many ways.

**FrugalMomof3** · 03-13-2008, 02:12 PM

I hate to be a meanie, but my son who is in college now pays for everything. I cant afford to do that and with 6 other kids, it wouldnt be fair to pay for one and the others are left footing the bill themselves.

I think of it this way, it doesnt hurt to "help" but children these days need to learn responsibility by paying their own way.

Car insurance I would make her pay herself, think of the complications that can arise should something happen (i.e. rising insurance costs)

Her trip, that is HER trip, I would also make her pay for that BUT instead of making it look as though your paying for half, give her half the money in a car as a graduation present.

I personally think your paying for WAYYYYY to much and paying for everything isnt teaching her anything really but JMHO.

**jamie79** · 03-13-2008, 02:20 PM

We pay for sons cell phone- hes on our plan. He pays for 90% of his college stuff between scholarships, working and a loan. We pick up some fees and help were we can.
We are not handing it to him- we cant and even if we could I dont think we would

**sunshine** · 03-13-2008, 02:45 PM

For my kids --

They could live here rent free as long as they were:

A) a full time student
B) working full time
C) part time student, part time working

They were still expected to help out here with chores.

I help with college tuition, as I can -- otherwise they cover it with scholarships, working, etc.

We continued to pay their car insurance as long as they didn't have a wreck, tickets, or dropped their good student status.

We pay for the food they eat here.

They cover all other expenses -- eating out, travel, car maintainance and repairs, clothing, H&B items, etc.

They remain on my health insurance as long as they are full time students. If they drop to part time, they cover their own insurance.

**happymommy** · 03-13-2008, 02:56 PM

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. We are giving her money for most of the senior activities because she is not a princess.
She has worked very hard the last four years, graduating validictorian. So as far as college she has may be going for free.

She has been such a pleasure these last four years of high school, she has been very hardworking and respectful of our household rules. I'm very luck, two more to go. lol

She already has been using the Dave Ramsey plan, three envelope system. Thanks to Dave she is already telling her friends who have new credit cards she is not getting one.
So Dave has helped us as well as our daughter. Dave Rocks!

Thanks for the car insurance tip, I'll have to look into that more.

I agree 18 is young.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts outloud, so many decisions ahead. I want to lead her the right way as she continues to gather more freedom and responsibility.

Again thank you for sharing with me.

**Edna_E** · 03-13-2008, 03:32 PM

Mine had a job and few expenses. I pay $500 per semester of his college expenses, and I split his car insurance. He covers all of his other expenses. I do think that if I want him to make a trip that he would not otherwise, I should pay for it. That almost became an issue last winter when my Mom was so sick.

**happimommi** · 03-13-2008, 04:47 PM

Your daughter sounds like a good kid. I think as long as she is grateful for your help and is being resposible, then it is ok to "spoil" her. My DD is almost 16 and is most definetly a diva, although we certainly don't spoil her, can't afford to with 3 other kids.

**happimommi** · 03-13-2008, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by happimommi

Your daughter sounds like a good kid. I think as long as she is grateful for your help and is being resposible, then it is ok to "spoil" her. My DD is almost 16 and is most definetly a diva, although we certainly don't spoil her, can't afford to with 3 other kids.

Hit the button too soon.
Anyway, to continue, we have made it clear that if she wants the extras, she will have to get a job and make the money herself. Should have heard the tantums and screaming. I guess she will do without the extras, like driving. Better for my blood pressure anyway.