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turning 18

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2K views 20 replies 18 participants last post by  Luv2BeFrugal 
#1 ·
My dd is turning 18 next month. I'm looking for some advice on what you may of did in the management of money at that age.
She will be going to college, staying at home next fall. Were paying for this.

I bought her prom dress, jewlery, purse.........$400.00

Bought us tickets to her first concert..........$170

She is a bit late and is getting her licence next week....$140.00 lesson and test that day.
..Our car insurance will be going up a $1000.00.

She is going with friends on a trip after graduation, with a parent. Cost about
$600.00 Including food, lodging, tickets to a play etc.

I want to pay for her prom tickets $80

Just a few examples of what is coming up.


I was thinking of going halfs with her on car insurance. Half on her vacation, because it's her senior celebration.

She babysits and makes $10 an hour. Her income varies each month. She has money saved.

What did you do when your child turned 18, what did you pay for and didn't?

Thanks for any ideas.
 
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#2 ·
My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage...
he has prepared her since age 16. At first when a job was suggested she freaked out and carried on with a tantrum of major degree.

She goes to school half time and out at 12 noon.
and at age 17 she started working. She will be 18 in a few months.
Now she is being told to get a job with insurance or join the service at 18 since she shows no signs of following through with her big plans to go to college and get a fancy degree.. instead opting to
spend all her time with her much older boyfriend.
She wanted to go on a trip too
but unless she can pay for it or someone else pays for it, then guess she's not.

A trip after graduation is for kids of the super wealthy... not us.
If we had the money for a vacation, we would be taking it.
Sorry, no spoiled kids here... they tried to be but it didn't work.
My husband and I have to work too hard to pamper kids and the whims and ideals they have concerning what should be...
as we live in the land of what is.

Nothing wrong with telling her no if you can't afford it and there is always the suggestion of a
J O B !
 
#3 ·
Wow...that was kinda rude.

I think offering to go halves on the trip and insurance is a good compromise.

Or even with prom...buy the dress and stuff but ask her to get shoes and/or jewelry.

I don't see anything wrong with offering to help where you can.
 
#4 ·
i think half of her vacation is fine, as long as she's a good kid who did well and is on the right track and you can afford it. i dont really see a problem. if you want to buy her prom tickets buy them i dont think it will ruin her future :)

i think there is a big difference between having things and being spoiled.

i would probably ask her to pay her portion of the car insurance (or whatever is feasible) as driving is a privilege that i think is taken more seriously when you realize the cost.

for educational purposes. how about you require her to pay "rent" in the form of a required savings amount for living at home, then when its time for her to move out she will have a nest egg.
 
#5 ·
Pay for what you feel is fair in terms of her end of the year expenses. However, come the start of college, the "rent" thing is a good thing.

I paid $200 a month in "rent", but got it back when I moved out. Forced savings. I also still had chores around the house and even took on all the grocery shopping for my mom. She still paid for the groceries but I had to go buy them and unload, etc.

Good luck
 
#6 ·
life is hard, kids should find this out sooner than later.
rude is playing games with them as to coddle them into the "diva" and "princess" thinking.

My parents didn't coddle me and I thanked them when I turned 40 and realized how blessed I was by that fact.
My husband was raised like me too...
and
we agree on how to handle the games and boundry testing that goes on when kids turn of age and don't want to gorw up.

To note: since laying down the law, we have not once heard "princess" talk from her.
Its great. ;)
 
#7 ·
Happymommy,

I think it is really nice that you want to do so much for your daughter........

I don't have children but if you don't mind me making a suggestion:

*Your daughter should get her own car insurance........not only because of the increase in your insurance but if something were to happen while she was driving it would affect your insurance for years to come. JMHO

*I also think she should pay some kind of rent and help around the house to earn her keep.

Your a nice mommy.

Kind Regards,
leezza
 
#8 ·
My dd has a scholarship that pays tuition and books to Texas tech. We split what is left with my ex on room and board and yes we did take out a loan to do it.

I am choosing to send my dd to college without her getting in debt.

Her dad pays her insurance and got her a beater car.

I bought her cell phone and the charges for it, the lap top, the expensive clock for the hearing impared and all her dorm supplies as well as tires and some car work.

Both her father and I send her $100 each a month for expenses.

She pays us back by going to school and making good grades. She is 8 hours away but comes home every chance she gets. She causes us zero problems.

Now it is time for my step dd to go to college. I found out just last night she got a tuition/books paid scholarship to a community college in her state that will cost MORE for us in room and board than what we pay for my oldest to go to a major university.

BLAH! I am wondering how we are going to do it but you better believe we will find a way.

Frankly I want my step dd to hold out and try to get on at a Major university at that price.

Her Mom will not be helping is is probably in a tizzy as the child support ends in May.

We pay for my step dds insurance and my dhs mom bought her her truck. We told Whitney that when child support stops we will be sending her(depositing in her account here and she has a check card as we are in different states) $100 a month--same deal as we give Emily.

I do not think it is wrong to help your children.

My Emily works part time and Whitney worked until layoffs and they are both full time students.

Do what you FEEL is right.

18 is not some magical age--trust me they are still babies in so many ways.
 
#9 ·
I hate to be a meanie, but my son who is in college now pays for everything. I cant afford to do that and with 6 other kids, it wouldnt be fair to pay for one and the others are left footing the bill themselves.

I think of it this way, it doesnt hurt to "help" but children these days need to learn responsibility by paying their own way.

Car insurance I would make her pay herself, think of the complications that can arise should something happen (i.e. rising insurance costs)

Her trip, that is HER trip, I would also make her pay for that BUT instead of making it look as though your paying for half, give her half the money in a car as a graduation present.

I personally think your paying for WAYYYYY to much and paying for everything isnt teaching her anything really but JMHO.
 
#11 ·
For my kids --

They could live here rent free as long as they were:

A) a full time student
B) working full time
C) part time student, part time working

They were still expected to help out here with chores.

I help with college tuition, as I can -- otherwise they cover it with scholarships, working, etc.

We continued to pay their car insurance as long as they didn't have a wreck, tickets, or dropped their good student status.

We pay for the food they eat here.

They cover all other expenses -- eating out, travel, car maintainance and repairs, clothing, H&B items, etc.

They remain on my health insurance as long as they are full time students. If they drop to part time, they cover their own insurance.
 
#12 ·
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. We are giving her money for most of the senior activities because she is not a princess.
She has worked very hard the last four years, graduating validictorian. So as far as college she has may be going for free.

She has been such a pleasure these last four years of high school, she has been very hardworking and respectful of our household rules. I'm very luck, two more to go. lol

She already has been using the Dave Ramsey plan, three envelope system. Thanks to Dave she is already telling her friends who have new credit cards she is not getting one.
So Dave has helped us as well as our daughter. Dave Rocks!



Thanks for the car insurance tip, I'll have to look into that more.

I agree 18 is young.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts outloud, so many decisions ahead. I want to lead her the right way as she continues to gather more freedom and responsibility.

Again thank you for sharing with me.
 
#13 ·
Mine had a job and few expenses. I pay $500 per semester of his college expenses, and I split his car insurance. He covers all of his other expenses. I do think that if I want him to make a trip that he would not otherwise, I should pay for it. That almost became an issue last winter when my Mom was so sick.
 
#14 ·
Your daughter sounds like a good kid. I think as long as she is grateful for your help and is being resposible, then it is ok to "spoil" her. My DD is almost 16 and is most definetly a diva, although we certainly don't spoil her, can't afford to with 3 other kids.
 
#15 ·
Hit the button too soon.
Anyway, to continue, we have made it clear that if she wants the extras, she will have to get a job and make the money herself. Should have heard the tantums and screaming. I guess she will do without the extras, like driving. Better for my blood pressure anyway.:tay:
 
#16 ·
If they were still in high school when they turned 18 I did exactly what I did when they were 17. If they were out of high school, I put a roof over their heads and food in their bellies.

The prom stuff is Senior year stuff and I paid for stuff my kids did while they were still in high school, if it was related to school. Cars/car insurance, extras they wanted and clothes they paid for themselves. We had health/dental at that time and kids were covered until they were 19 if they didn't go to college and 24 if they did...so we also paid their copays for drs, ect.
 
#17 ·
My boys are not even in high school yet. We had three of them in 2 years. With that many at one time, we just can't afford to help them out very much.

We have been telling them for years that we cannot afford to pay for their college. They will have to pay for it themselves (jobs, scholarships, etc). We have been telling them that they can live with us while they are in college, but they will pay rent (minimal, but we aren't telling them that now).

It is pretty much the same way with the car thing. With so many of them in such a short amount of time, we won't be able to afford to help them with a car or insurance. That will be something that they need to supply on their own.

We are actually doing a summer project about college and careers and life. One week, they will figure out what they think they want to do as a career. The next week, they need to figure out what kind of schooling they will need and find some good colleges to go to for it. The next week, they will need to figure out how to pay for it. The next week, they will need to find a job in their field and the salary they would be paid for an entry level job. The next week, I want them to find an apartment and furnish the apartment with everything they need. The next week, I want to do a budgeting/grocery shopping/bills unit.
 
#18 ·
I can only share what I've done and tell you I think it has worked well. I have two daughters ages 17 & 19.

Both of them told me when they were 16 they were going to work. I made the rule that they could only work weekends, not after school, because they have 50 more years to work... and only 2 or 3 to be a kid. So, both went to work at McD's on the weekends. McD's accomodated their school and activity schedules. Both have 2 years there on their resumes... which also looks very good for their age.

Both were accepted to a prestigious private college with a signifcant amount of scholarships and financial aild. But, I still have a chunk to pay. My ex, does not help at all.

Because I have to pay an amount that stretches my budget, my oldest works at a local church in the nursery during Sunday and Wednesday services. This provides her spending money... that's on her. I had hoped to be able to provide her a small allowance monthly ($100), but it's not been in the budget so she has been fine with her part time job. She does not have a car at school, it's not necessary where she is. That's lucky, I know.

My youngest also plans to work part-time when she goes to school there and is already scoping out the job market.

They like the independence they receive from working. They like having their own money to choose to spend however they want.

Working and going to school is very difficult. I know. I did it. It took me longer and really cost me more than it should have. There were times when I couldn't afford books and other expenses and eat too... I chose to eat. So, I want to help my daughters succeed, but I want them to "own it". I think we share the burden well. Both girls will pay a portion of their school fees through a work-study program (not federal).

As for prom, I would say we sort of shared the expenses. The dress was provided, they bought their accessories. I paid for senior pictures, etc. If they wanted extra or anything different, they paid.

My daughters have paid their own auto insurance and before she totaled it, my oldest was purchasing the family vehicle she was driving from me with monthly payments (I set them aside and used the money to help move her into her dorm). Both have been given a gas allowance (based on the amount of milage required for school and after school activities) and anything over that they must pay (travel to work, running around with friends, etc.)

My oldest backpacked around Europe after graduation last year with her dad. I am not wealthy. My ex, is not wealthy. He saved his money (or used his cc, don't know - don't care). My daughter saved for over a year to be able to make the trip. She put money aside from her McD's earnings and asked for cash rather than gifts for Bdays and Christmas. She reached her goal. I paid nothing towards this trip. She bought her own backpack and supplies.

My youngest will travel to Germany in a brief exchange program after graduating this year. She, too, is earning and saving the money to achieve this... she's almost there! Her German guest is here now and she has been using her money from McD's to pay for entertainment for them both.

So, a very long post to basically show that I worked for a balance. They are, after all, still kids. But, we are raising them to be adults. For me, that means, having them take certain steps to more responsibility, etc... with a safety net and support.

I think one can help their young adult be responsible without just tossing them out into the cold, cruel world to make a plethora of (costly) mistakes. And, I think one can provide support without spoiling a young adult. Support does not mean total dependence.

I'd say, do what's in your heart... deep down, you know what's fair and right. Between the two girls (great that they both got such wonderful scholarships!) keep things equal... if no other way, use monetary measure. That way, you can know you assisted them equally as best you could.

Congrats, good luck!
 
#20 ·
Here is what we do - I have an 18 y/o dd who is a college student, and a 17 y/o son who is a senior in high school.

We own 4 cars, so we each have one we can drive. We pay for the insurance, and reasonable gas costs. They must maintain at least a B average or they will not drive.

They each got jobs at 16, and they cover all of their own entertainment costs, and most of their clothing. Dh and I pay for the basics of life, and they pay for any extras they are interested in. We did pay their sports fees and reasonable costs for things like Prom, graduation, etc. If they had chosen to take a trip, they would have had to pay for it themselves.

They also knew that they needed to save, save save, as their college expenses would be on THEM. The student loans are (and will be) in their names, and they need to have saved living expenses. My dd went to school this year with $1500 earmarked for incidentals, and has been very careful to conserve - she is a wealth of information for my son, who will go in the fall. My husband and I will most likely help them pay their students loans when they are finished, but they do not know this. In fact, knowing that the debt is hers has made my daughter study like never before!

They both know that if they do not choose to attend or finish school, they may live here provided that they have jobs and can find their own health insurance. They also know that us paying for their insurance, gas, cell phones, etc. is just a courtesy to get them through school and will end when they have graduated and are truly on their own. I have tried to ease them into adult-hood, and may be going at it more slowly than others would.
 
#21 ·
I don't have kids...but I can share what my parents did with me...

As long as I was in college full time I lived at home, rent free...all food at home was paid for by them. They paid my car insurance (was $75/month) while I was in college.

I got zero help on paying for college (and they could have easily afforded it). What bothers me, looking back, is they gave absolutely no instruction on working/managing money/tuition and scholarships, etc. So, I just took out BIG student loans to cover everything...am still paying them back...10 years after graduation... I went to a very small private school during high school and there was zero advising/input on scholarships and such.

Overall, I think me "paying" (in loans) for it was beneficial as far as realizing the total cost...but handling it differently (some basic money handling lessons) would have made it a much better learning experience. Growing up in an upper middle class home, where all the other college aged people on our street had everything paid for and I was racking up big debts with no help or explanation was "frustrating" to say the least.

If you can help...help...no sense her living the first decade+ of her adult life in deep debt. To this day there are little strands of resentment from having no help or guidance in that "transition"...as my dad babies still his airplane and my parents travel, shop, etc. Showing your daughter you care about her by helping her get a great start in her adult life is a blessing that will last forever... Sounds like she's a great kid!! And you're a great mom! :D
 
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