Shouldn't I be happy?

[mmy2grls]

My ex boyfriend has not really paid child support consistantly and now he visits my baby about once every 2 months. Personally I would be happy if he stopped paying cs and left us alone.

I found out today that at the time he stopped paying and visiting was when he got a new girlfriend who has kids herself. I am mad thinking that he'd rather spend time and money on this new girl and not my baby.

I am not jealous. I did not like being with him and if his new girlfriend loves him, better her than me.

Then again I think I should be happy that maybe he'll not come around anymore but then I get scared because he sued me before that he might try it again.

it sickens me to think I may not have peace for another 16 years

[FrugalMomof3]

I am sorry you are feeling that way but as far as CS, cant you go through the courts and make it MANDATORY he pay, if he doesnt they will garnish his wages, if he doesnt get a job or pay, they will take away his drivers license. MAKE HIM PAY!

[mmy2grls]

If he pays he makes sure that he visits. When he doesn't pay, he just doesn't visit.

I prefer him not to pay and stay away from us.

The system is messed up, he had a show cause hearing for not paying 3 months in a row, he made one payment and he didn't have to go.

I just hate having to deal with this

[FrugalMomof3]

Well, I am sorry he's such a dead beat but he as a father SHOULD pay, you know you can talk to the CS worker and tell them about him not paying, that if he doesnt pay he doesnt visit, and when he does visit you really dont like how the visits go. They might make a set visitation schedule that works for both of yous.

I mean it is his responsibility to pay for his child/children and I am sure you and your child/ren need that money as well AND it's not fair to you to raise the child/ren alone, whether you like that he visits or not it is better for the child/ren to see their father.

Honestly, go down to the CS enforcement agency near you and get a written order of support, if he doesnt show up to the hearing then he loses. Once it's an approved CS order, he has to pay or else he faces the consequences.

[Frugal Nurse]

Oh dear! I am sorry you are having this trouble.

I had the VERY same problem when my three children were young.

So one day- I said... "this is it- I have had enough"
I wasn't going to be at his beck and call.
I told him (and his family) in a nice, matter-of-fact way that we are going to make a life for ourselves now. We are no longer planning our life around expected visits that never occur. So, if you wish to see the children, please call us.

That was in Aug of 1994. They haven't called since. And! we weren't waiting for the call either.

The good news is this. The children grew up well, they weren't exposed to the chaos that is created. They had a life and it was fun- devoid of tension.

They planned things on the weekends..... things that children should do... like play hockey, sleep over a friend's house, go to a party. These were things they just couldn't do, because they might be at your dad's house- and he won't take you to your hockey game/party/friend's house.


So, take heed.... garnish the bum's wages. It's the child's right. We're not talking about your right- it's the child's right.

Don't bother to push the visitation schedule. Just go about your business. If he requests to visit, and you already had made plans- schedule it for the next week or the next or the next. But don't refuse him.

My ex lost all his parental rights because he forgot to visit his children and refused to pay his support.

I never spoke badly of the man, so the children still consider him to be thier father (just not thier 'dad'). Besides, children grow up to figure things out on thier own. No need to 'tell' them about thier dad's lack of integrity- they know.

And they will know what you did to keep things together.

Do not fret or make a big scene about the visits and cs in front on the children.

Your ex's new gf will soon figure out (on her own and with no help from you) that it is her very own bf who refuses to see his child and refuses to pay his support and that is was not you that prevented it or gouged him. She won't stick around too long.

Also, he will have lots of gf's. Just be glad he has something to occupy his time so that he's not aggravating you and you can go on with your life.

Remember, when a man comes into your life, he will feel a bit of angst as well.

[Jskell911]

I am sorry you are feeling that way but as far as CS, cant you go through the courts and make it MANDATORY he pay, if he doesnt they will garnish his wages, if he doesnt get a job or pay, they will take away his drivers license. MAKE HIM PAY!

Believe it or not, this never worked for me! My ex owes over 14K and CS is court ordered. They can't garnish wages he doesn't report, won't take it any further w/o me getting a very expensive lawyer. Not worth it in my view. I just do not have the thousands it would take to take it to the next level.

However, DH and I are going ahead w/ stripping him of parental rights (I already have full custody). But having 3 surgeries in 9 months has freaked me out regarding the possibility of my DH having to fight legally if something were to happen to me.

[C@rol]

So sorry you're going through this but I agree with the above posts. Great advice you're being given. All the best to you.