AM JUST SO PO - Long rant and need advise

**JerryG** · 05-18-2008, 06:33 PM

Spent $$ to go see my sis and brother in law and their children / grandkids in another state. My mom and dad were there, which is one of the reasons why. It's easier (and cheaper) to visit that state than where my parents live. My parents both knew that my DBF was coming.

The scenario: Dad sitting on the couch in the family room. I'm sitting at the kitchen table behind. BF walks in, holds out is hand and says "I'm am so pleased to meet you Mr. B." My Dad offers his hand. Doesn't say a word. I walk in and say "Dad, this is my BF." My dad replys with "I figured that out". DFB sits down beside him and asks "How was your trip?" Dad states, "Fine" and turns away. The entire rest of the weekend was spent watching dad ignore my DFB. Very painful.

I'm still pissed but I'm coming to terms. DBF and I have been together three years and no we're not going to break up over it, but seriously, when one "loved one" hurts you and another one you love, how do you let it go?

I rarely share on FV but this is a forum I'm comfortable with plus I know that whatever I don't like I can ignore. It's just horrifying to see the pain in DBF eyes that isn't deserved.

FYI - The "talk" hasn't happened. His comment to another family member was that "my virtue" was being taken advantage of. dad did not talk to me either. Sheesh - why does family FWU so much???

**FrugalMomof3** · 05-18-2008, 08:02 PM

Gosh I am soooo sorry about this, I am assuming that maybe Dad doesnt want to think of his little girl dating, could that be it? I know I will welcome my DD BF when it comes time, but I know deep down I will be a little weary and probably not like the fact, KWIM?

I hope things turn out better, maybe a talk is in order

**Michelle68** · 05-18-2008, 10:35 PM

I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes our families can be so frustrating and difficult to deal with. Has your dad acted like this before?

--Michelle

**krissyre** · 05-19-2008, 07:38 AM

I think sometimes it's just hard for parents to accept that the way THEY envisioned that our lives would turn out isn't the way WE want them to be, you know?

It seems like this is the first time that your BF and your dad have met, so there's always hope that things will get better in time. If he meets your BF more often (which might be painful, at least at first), then he might warm up to him a little -- start seeing him as a person who makes you happy, and not as a "corrupting influence". This is what happened in my family -- my grandfather was pretty rude the first time my uncle brought someone home to meet the family (a memorable Christmas...), but by the third Christmas, everyone got along fine.

What does your mom say? How did she treat your BF? Sometimes moms can be great at mediating in these things...

**Mo-BayMom** · 05-19-2008, 05:55 PM

Do you think that maybe your dad is acted the way he did because you've been dating this guy for three years and he just now met him?

I'm only asking from the standpoint of a mom...I know how I'd feel if my dd was dating someone for that length of time and we hadn't met.

Talk to your dad. If not, talk to your mom and get to the bottom of it. Don't sit there and stew you're not hurting anyone but yourself.