SICK TO DEATH OF being in the middle! *rant*

[kellydoeshair]

arg this is going to be long
I apologize in advance
*big breath*
alright so this past december my cousin and her bf that she lived with were having MAJOR problems, they were breaking up.... they were not going to live together anymore etc etc etc
so my dh gets this "brilliant" idea to have her move into a spare bedroom in our house and maybe, just PERHAPS she and our neighbor/ good friend will just fall for each other...
mind you I LOVE my cousin we are very close, but from the moment he suggested it I knew it was doomed
but she's 24 and was between leases and was looking for somewhere to stay for a bit
she would have probably moved back in with her mom, but she is a bartender and keeps weird hours which irritates her parents...
so instead of me bringing this up to her in that way, I told her we were looking for a "renter" to stay in that bedroom because dh was changing jobs, just someone to pay like 150$ a month just for a little security, it was a total lie but she bought it... I didn't think she'd accept the offer to live with us for free because it was only supposed to be about 6-8 weeks
so she moves in the first week of january
about 4-5 weeks later she and the bf make up, and are basically back together
she he is coming and staying over OUR house now,
dh DOES NOT like him, and while I think dh's opinion of him is rather harsh, he isn't really someone I'm totally comfortable with either, so dh tells me I have to tell HER that he can't stay here
when he is the one who REALLY doesn't want him here
they have been butting heads ever since
and it's always the same thing
she wants me to talk to him about something or he wants me to talk to her about something
and it WASNT even my idea for her to move in!!!!
so I finally told both of them that I would NOT communicate with the other for them, for any reason, I'm sick of looking like the bad guy when it's usually not me with the problem!
anyways, at one point she told me she'd rather pay us rent for each month when she left so it would be easier to pay the right amount since even though she lives here we really don't see her much anymore because she's always with the bf and he can't be here...
whatever, that's fine because we really aren't hurting for it
the other day she told me that since she's lived with us she's only saved $800,
she has ONE bill, cell phone, and she pays for food and gas, and tanning and shopping, and partying
her parents still pay her car insurance, her health insurance runs out as of 8/1/08 she's not currently paying rent, electric water etc etc her car is paid off
I was FLOORED when she first decided to stay beyond the initial time period it was because she said she wanted to save money
then I found out the other day that she hasn't been paying back her student loans either
and oh my GOSH, while I was writing this I got an email from dh about how her room is a mess.....
:-( I'm done
I'm throwing in the towel


can I move in with someone else?
ARG

[Rosebush3]

I would say that since the 6-8 weeks is up that seemed to be what the agreement was, it's time to renegotiate. From what you describe she is not making honest attempts at independence and is using you and your husband. Can she not move back in with her BF now that they are back together?
I am sorry you are in this position, not a nice one and harder being she's family. I hope it gets settled soon and you get your piece of mind back.

[VanVivCam]

I would very nicely tell her it was time to move on. NICELY Sorry about your troubles.

[Cricket1]

In our 15 year marriage, we've had three people live with us. The first was my sister and her dog (which she expected me to take care of), that didn't last very long because we told her that we couldn't take care of the dog. The second was my husband's cousin who was very inconsiderate, I told her so and she left. The third (and last) was a friend of mine--she was very respectful and stayed probably 4 months and then wanted her own place, which was good because it's hard to have someone live with you. I vowed to NEVER do that again!

I think you need to be honest and just tell her that the 6-8 weeks have passed and it's time for her to find her own place. She is not your responsibility and neither are her savings and/or bills.

Good luck! I know it's hard!

[kellydoeshair]

I would say that since the 6-8 weeks is up that seemed to be what the agreement was, it's time to renegotiate. From what you describe she is not making honest attempts at independence and is using you and your husband. Can she not move back in with her BF now that they are back together?
I am sorry you are in this position, not a nice one and harder being she's family. I hope it gets settled soon and you get your piece of mind back.

she can't move back with him
because he is living with his mom and her boyfriend
I'm afraid if I ask her to leave, or even gently suggest it that it will be the end of our relationship
she's VERY SUPER HYPER sensitive
and tends to remember things how she wants to

[FrugalWitch]

she can't move back with him
because he is living with his mom and her boyfriend
I'm afraid if I ask her to leave, or even gently suggest it that it will be the end of our relationship
she's VERY SUPER HYPER sensitive
and tends to remember things how she wants to

Isn't it amazing how so many super hyper sensitive people are, in actuality, entirely insensitive to others?

She's 24. She will get over it. If she doesn't get over it it will be a new sob story in her arsenal to mooch off of future suckers. Kick her butt out. Why should your house, where you and your DH live become miserable because of this immature screw-up? JMHO

[kellydoeshair]

just bumping....
this has been stressing me out to the max
I don't even know how to bring it up
I just want my house back:-(

[jamie79]

When the want of having your house back is more then the worry of how she is going to take it then you will tell her. I hope for you the want comes soon