Heartbroken...

**mombottoo** · 06-06-2008, 01:28 PM

Someone I care a great deal about asked to borrow money...when people make this request I always ask what for. She wanted the money to pay for an abortion. While I personally don't believe in abortion, I do believe that a woman who is of age has the right to make her own decisions regarding this issue...so while I believe she has the right to make this choice, I was surprised that she would ask me for the loan when she knows how I feel.

I just couldn't loan her the money and while I believe I did the right thing, because it would have went against every single principle I believe in I feel horrible for her. I told her how much I love her, and that I could give her anything she needs emotionally (hugs, etc) but I couldn't go against my principles, because going against them would mean having to live with it for the rest of my life.

**The Muse** · 06-06-2008, 01:35 PM

What a horrible situation. I feel sorry for the woman and hope she finds someone who will help her.

**MVS0122** · 06-06-2008, 01:44 PM

It's kind of a no-win situation for both of you huh. You did the right thing; you would have felt guilty about that forever, and it sounds like you handled it with tact and grace.

**vigilant20** · 06-06-2008, 01:47 PM

It's hard, but you have to do what you know in your heart is right. I would have done the same.

**FrugalMomof3** · 06-06-2008, 01:50 PM

I know it was hard to tell you friend no, but you stood up for what you believe in, you did the right thing.

**frugalfriend** · 06-06-2008, 02:02 PM

You absolutely did the right thing. I would have done the same. Any chance of talking to her about adoption? I know what a sensitive topic that is. Sending you a big hug!

**Dancing Lotus** · 06-06-2008, 02:11 PM

wow, THAT IS A HARD ONE. Your poor friend must have been very desperate to ask you but you did the right thing. By giving her the money you would have been equally responsible.

Great big hugs to you.

**tbs727** · 06-06-2008, 02:20 PM

I would have done the same thing. I am sure your friend is very scared and it couldn't have been easy for her to ask you.

**DixieJ** · 06-06-2008, 02:20 PM

That is a tough situation for you to be in. I think you did the right thing in following what your principles are.

**leezza** · 06-06-2008, 02:32 PM

Stand up for yourself or you'll fall for anything......or some such words in a song....I think you did the right thing. She has the right to do what she wants to but you also have the right to do what you want to. You have your moral beliefs and for you to have went against them you wouldn't have respected yourself.

I think your friend was out of line in the first place if she was aware of your beliefs on the matter.

JMHO,
leezza

**mombottoo** · 06-06-2008, 02:50 PM

Thank you all of you! She is my niece and yes I did offer up other alternatives, but she seems set on the path she has chosen. I asked her about having the baby & putting him/her up for adoption and she said she couldn't carry a baby and then not keep it...because, she couldn't give her baby away. I told her that I respected her right to make her own choice, but that if adoption was out of the question I didn't see her being able to live with the option she is choosing down the road either. My sil & her hubby have adopted 7 children over the years and I have known couples who can't have children through those same years who would have given their eye teeth to have a baby...it's such a shame that a life is going to be lost, that someone else would gladly give a home and love.

She did mention that she doesn't believe in abortion as birth control and coming to this decision was hard on her...but, being the kind of aunt I am I had to tell her that's exactly what she was doing though, using abortion as birth control. The thing is I have known many women who have chosen abortion as their alternative...and now years later there isn't one of them who wishes they couldn't go back and undo it. My heart is breaking for my niece and I wish there was some way to talk her out of it...

**Dad_of_4** · 06-06-2008, 03:25 PM

Get her to a Pregnacy crisis center. There are people there that can help her through this difficult time. They have women she can talk to that have given children up for adoption that can talk to her. You should do everything you can to help her make the right choice!

**mombottoo** · 06-08-2008, 11:10 AM

My niece called me last night to let me know that she is not going through with her plans for an abortion

!!!! Apparently after speaking with me she did a lot of thinking and decided that I was right...if she went through with it, she wouldn't be able to live with herself. I am so relieved....

At this point she is going to have & keep her child, which is what I was hoping she would do. She is a smart young woman and has a family that loves her and will support her no matter her decision. I would have still supported her emotionally had she opted to follow through with her original plans...I just couldn't support her decision financially.

Thank all of you for listening and being here when I needed the emotional support...you have no idea how much your support means to me...

**C@rol** · 06-08-2008, 11:43 AM

I'm so sorry. That is a horrible position to be put in but you can be proud that you stuck by your beliefs and let her know you will be there for her.

**sdrjeolsen** · 06-08-2008, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by MVS0122

It's kind of a no-win situation for both of you huh. You did the right thing; you would have felt guilty about that forever, and it sounds like you handled it with tact and grace.

I agree, I thing you did the right thing. What a tough situation for both of you. hugs. I'm so glad she decided to have the baby, its a decision she will not regret. And, I'm sure you will be there for her to help her with what she needs. way to go!