How well do you "fit in" w/ your inlaws?

**tammy88** · 06-24-2008, 08:46 AM

dont know if i really want to post this or not..but here it goes long

i dated my husbands younger brother first for 2 years i hadnt met my husband until the end of our 2 year relationship, i had moved in with the brother an realized it wasnt going to work..i had always been fasinated with photos of my now husband..my husbands family has issues..parents have always been miserable drunks, beat the kids on regular, separated numersous times and just really put the kids around the ringer...i never got along with them...heck the dad is in his 60s and has several gf and is supposedly on his death bed..cant tell it...and still married

my parents never drank and didnt abuse me..got a few whoppins though

anyhow after things were broken off with the brother i persued my husband heavily..LOL i think it was love at first site for me..he was older and really didnt want anything to do with me...well after i had broke it off with the brother we had a big falling out because there was some theft involved from another family member and a big fight broke out..they hated me and i hated them..

my parents hated them and my dad was very vocal and called them up one night and let his mom have it before me and my husband had started dating..my husband had words with my dad at the time..well anyways we dated for 3 years off and on, got married have 2 kids now..and we rarely talk to his parents. they have seen are oldest son about 20 times he is 3and that not them coming to visit and they live 5 minutes from us..we see them mainly on holidays or when my husband goes and sees his other brother (didnt and wouldnt date that one..LOL) are other son is 6 months and they havent even held him..but they probably know i wouldnt let them..lol but my oldest doesnt know what to call them and all he talks about over there are my parents.."my granny and papa take me to chuckecheeses and toysrus all the time" anyways..i get along great with one sister..dont really see the other sister..the other brother has PROBLEMS and the one i dated is married and move out (good for him)

my husband and MY parents are terrific together..they treat him like their son and he treats them like his parents!

**greenrene** · 06-29-2008, 05:11 PM

I love my inlaws and they love me, but I don't really "fit in" with them. MIL and FIL are very, very wealthy, and DH's sister and family are pretty wealthy. DH and I are NOT wealthy. That can be an issue at times.

I get along with them well, but I really wish that they wanted more of a relationship with me. I feel like our relationship is one-sided, and I don't have time for that.

**heartofmine** · 06-29-2008, 06:44 PM

Oh the stories I could tell you about inlaw issues but I won't go into 25 years of it. Its been a love them but don't always like them situation all these years. I wish it could have been different.

**Michelle68** · 06-29-2008, 08:15 PM

My husband's mother died when he was 10 months old and his father never remarried. My elderly father-in-law has multiple mental health issues and is now in a nursing home. He and my husband's brother have always seemed to like me, but because of my father-in-law's mental illness, my relationship I have with him has been more of a caretaker role throughout mine and DH's marriage. There was a time, in the early years of our marriage when my father-in-law was not on meds for his illness that he would say some really mean and awful things to my DH . There were times when he would tell my DH that I was a "good person" and my DH "did not deserve" me. (Boy, that would really p*** me off!) Ironically, despite all that past verbal abuse, now my DH is the one who goes to see his dad the most and is the one his father really depends upon for companionship and to get things done.

--Michelle

**Russ** · 06-29-2008, 08:47 PM

My Inlaws and I get along "OK" sans one thing... Religion. My MIL went almost the whole way through to becoming a Nun and my FIL is a very strict Catholic. I don't disagree with their beliefs and I do NOT argue with them regarding religion. My view of Catholic schools versus public schools is were we differ and I once was ignored by my MIL for 3 months because I stated my view.
Notice I did not say what my view was because I don't want to get into that argument here on FV.

**dolphin** · 06-29-2008, 09:16 PM

My brother-in-law in a piece of scum! He hurt dh so bad growing up and when our son died we let him into our life again and he scumed it up again! Besides a very old Aunt and Uncle, he is my only living "in-law" and I hope to never hear from him again. Dh's parents, Mom, Step-Dad who raised him, and his Father are all deceased. I really liked all of them. I never had a problem with them because the yearly phone call was quite enough for me. I only ever met dh's real Father 3 times in over 20 years and they were both nice 1-2 day visits. His 3rd visiit was to my older son's funeral. He met him when he was 3 and never saw him again. It was also the first time he ever met our 11 year old 2nd son. Keep in mind, these people ALL traveled all over the world on vacations every year but yet, never found a reason to visit us!

I had my own family and never wanted to be part of theirs. I was pretty much just a messenger to MIL to let her know how her son was doing. Dh has a step-mom still living altough he still to this day calls her "his father's wife" and not his "stepmom" and I email her once or twice a year. She never met my children. We've been married 32 years.

They should legally call them "outlaws" instead of "inlaws".

My advice? Pass them by. You don't even have to spend Holidays with them. We have 'friends' who love us much more than his family ever did and we make special memories with them. Actually, our childrens' feelings were hurt much more by the obvious neglect of their Grandparents than anything we could have ever done to them. Keep your children safe from those torturous times at Grandma's and just, don't go.