For those that have a spouse away in the military

[Palooka]

How do you deal with it on a daily basis?

I can think of a few posters here..

Just watching Army Wives brings the reality home to me and what it must be like..I Know tv land..

I know not everyone is gone off to war..but what it's like living day by day and maybe not sleeping for so many thoughts running through your head?

I sometimes feel sad when my husband works like 60 hours a week and I feel stressed and loney and sad.. like almost overwelmed, just with the kids..Then I think of you guys...

How do you deal with your emotions? Not sure if I could handle it.

When I grew up I remember our family went everywhere that my dad did. I also remember late nights staying up with my mom when she could not be with my dad watching late night game shows. But also great times when we all lived in Europe, the best. I just remember the seperations was small and my dad never really had to fight in the war. He must have been a high rank or lucky..Veitnam(sp)

Please share your stories..

[Buc-O-Mama]

We were married for 8 months when DH left on his first scheduled deployment. Infortunately that was 3 days after Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990. When he left they would not reveal where they were going. 6 weeks later I heard from him for the first time by mail and found out he was evacuating the embassy in Liberia where there was a nasty civil war going on. I got my first phone call almost 3 months later. He wasn't at war but getting shot at on a regular basis. In those days of not knowing where he was all I could do is pray and have faith. That's all.

He was in the middle east by the time Desert Storm officially started, I was working at Kmart and went on break walking through the electronics section when Tom Brokaw announced that we had officially started the attack agains Iraq. I just stared at the wall of tvs and prayed because I had know idea what he was doing and if he was okay. That was no comparison to what is going on in Iraq now, but at the time it was awful. He was gone that time for 7 months, home for 3 months and left again for 6.

I think you have to hold on to something to get you through. For me it was my faith, for others it's simply the knowledge that their spouses are doing something so noble and you are proud of them for their strength. It hurts like helk to be alone and there are many sleepless nights but you get through because you have no choice.

[jamie79]

Well lets see if I can explain it. Dh is getting ready to leave us to go to The Sargent Major Academy. He will be gone for almost 10 months. He will come home for Christmas and then go back. I have been an Army wife for a long time so I am more used to this then some. It comes with the job. You have to handle it. Which is easier said then done.The soldier doesnt need to worry about whats going on back home. When your a military spouse you must know that the military comes first. We have a saying" Dh has been married once but he has two wives, the Army and me" She gets what she wants first 99% of the time before I get what I want"
When dh went to Iraq of course I was upset. Who wouldnt be? But you handle it the best that you can. One thing that I can NOT stand is a weak military wife. If you can not handle deployments, tdy's, the fact that the military must come first you shouldnt marry someone in the military.
As far as our kids they really dont know a different way of life. Of course they are big now, 19 and 16. When dh goes away we do nothing different. We continue on in our routines etc, which I believe makes it much easier on everyone. We dont go around being maudlin over the fact that dh is gone for a long time. He does what he does because he loves the military and it has given us a good life. We would have never been able to buy a home without it. Dh has some rank now so he makes good money. We have traveled . My kids are pretty comfortable walking into a new situation etc. I hope this answers some of your questions. As far as the tv show Army Wives is concerend. I watch it and like it but its not totally accurate.

[nancycg56]

DH was in for 23 years and we figured that we were apart for over half of our marriage at the point he retired. I think there are people who can handle it and people who can't. At the time, I just did it a day at a time. I was lucky in that he understood that I had my own schedule and he would fit in with us and not come back from deployment and put a monkey wrench in everything

He missed everything ~ birthdays, Christmas, etc., and it bothered me at the time but really, it's just another day. The kids and I even went on vacations without him.

It has really made me appreciate the time we DO have together and I know that I can do anything (and have)

I don't watch Army Wives ~ those shows are usually more fiction than not.

[McD]

Zac just got home from a deployment to Iraq and really, you handle it because you have to. You don't really have a choice so you make the best of it. You get on a semblance of a routine and you stick to it because it makes your day easier.

I know of families that didn't celebrate Christmas because their soldier was gone. Well I said (and still say) EFF THAT! This might sound horrible but my life does not end because my soldier was deployed. Wesley and I still celebrated the holidays and the birthdays. It was hard without Zac, but thanks to webcams he saw Wesley's birthday party and Christmas morning. We still did fun stuff...it just wasn't as fun without Zac. But just because he deployed did not mean we stayed holed up in the house with no life like some choose to do.

The hardest time...for me anyway came at the end of the day. Wesley would be in bed asleep, house would be all cleaned, dishes done, laundry folded and put away, my homework was done and I had nothing to do. I remember standing in the middle of my living room thinking Okay what do I do now? I had to be constantly busy because I did not want to sit on the couch by myself and watch t.v. That's when I started thinking about Zac and how much I missed him and how lonely I was.

But basically...you do it because you have to do it. You knew it could happen when you married into the military, (knowing it could happen doesn't make it any easier though) so you just suck it up and drive on. You get thru it day by day.

When they come home, it's the happiest feeling in the world but it's a lot of adjustments too. Wesley and I had our routine. We had to adapt that routine to include Zac again. Zac had to 'relearn' some of Wesley's likes, dislikes, quirks, etc. Wesley and I had to 'relearn' Zac again too.

[baronmom]

My story is a little different as dh is National Guard. When we got married, he was not in. He only joined around the time our middle son was born. He basically did it for the extra money.
In 2002 he did his first deployment. It was 6 months to Germany. I was new to the deployment thing, and didn't know how I was going to handle it. But, you learn to adjust and just keep going. I stayed busy with my kids and hoped that the time flew by. Dh did his next deployment to Iraq. He was gone 375 days. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do when he had to go. I was scared to death. I didn't really have that support that you find on the bases cause we don't live near one. Thank god I was able to make some friends with other wives who were going through the same thing in his unit. I stayed busy with the FRG and two of my 3 boys were involved in football so I stayed very busy through out the week. My months from the time he left in Feb. until July went kind of slow. Once football kicked in, I was really busy and the time flew by. Before I knew it, it was November. Those were the hardest months for us. Dh was having a rough time because his best friend over there got hurt and was sent back to the states. Not too mention he had seen some pretty horrible things happen, and it was hard on him. November-February went by like a snail. I thought it would never end.
The kids did ok. We had our moments where they would really miss him, but the computer and the web cam were our best friends while he was gone. Thank god for yahoo cause I talked to him more there than an actual call. Phone calls were very expensive and waiting in the long lines sucked for him.
We are gearing up for his next deployment soon. He will be going back to Iraq, and I am not looking forward to it at all. This time I will have the two little ones myself, and my oldest won't be home to help out. So, not only will I have to worry about my son who is in NC, I will have to worry about my dh again. But, that is his job. I know this and have accepted it, but it still sucks when there are so many people out there that are part of the military and have never ever gone on a deployment. Soldiers should not have to be doing 2, 3, or 4 tours when there are enough people that have not done any. But, that is a whole different matter there.
Anyway, you just have to deal with things as they happen. Yeah, I have my nights where I sit and cry. I have nights where I am mad as hell, but in the end, I put on my brave face and stay strong for my kids cause I have to! We will be fine. Plus my family is awesome so I have them to lean on.

[Russ]

I'd like to interrupt this thread to thank the Men, women and FAMILIES , (past, present and future) that serve this country. I really appreciate what you do and the sacrifices you make.