Young kids calling their single parent's bf or gf dad or mom?

**frugalandsimple** · 06-19-2008, 05:12 PM

By young, I mean 1-5yrs. of age. What do you think? I feel sorry for this kid because she going to realize when she's older that he's not her real dad but calls him dad or daddy. She's 3 and her bio father hasn't been a part of her life since she was a few months old. Or, if this person's relationship doesn't work out with her boyfriend and he doesn't remain a part of the kid's life, the girl is probably going to have issues. She had another boyfriend betwen the 1st one who she had her kid with and the one she has now and don't know how that went with her dd since I was rarely around her during that period of time.

I don't have a problem with kids calling their step-parents mom or dad if they know who their bio-parent is.

**Dancing Lotus** · 06-19-2008, 05:17 PM

I don't like it! I know a girl who makes her 8 and 9 yr old call her boyfriend of less then one yr Dad. It really bugs me. I also don't like that she told them my kids are her cousins. NOT THEY ARE NOT.

I think its sad, what are these kids going to think when they split up an all of a sudden he isn't Dad any more.

**Suzy** · 06-19-2008, 05:35 PM

When Michael and I started dating, we had our kids call each other Mr. Michael or Ms. Suzy. Almost 10 years later they still do. At times, they will call us Momma or Daddy. My DD will say Daddy to Michael and bat her eyelashes and he just melts. All the boys say she has got him wrapped around her little pinkie.

**Lady_V** · 06-19-2008, 05:49 PM

DD calls the Old Man 'Daddy'... she also calls my ex 'Big Daddy'.

She knows who's name is on the birth certificate. She asked the Old Man if she can call him Daddy about 2 years ago... he's been part of her life for the last 5 years (she had just turned 3 when he moved in). I in no way forced her to call him that.

I can understand why you would get upset that this child is calling another man Dad. The bio-dad took a hike when she was a few months old... and this man stepped up... to me, he earned that title. If the mother and this man have only been dating a few months, then I would think it's too early, but IF he's been there since the start, then why not?

Because the relationship can end? Any relationship can end... just because someone has blood-ties that doesn't mean they will stick around. The term 'real parent' has so many different meanings to so many people.

The Old Man and I had a long talk, if anything was to happen to us, I will still allow him to see my DD for as long as she wants to see him. I also had a talk with my ex... if anything happened to ME, he agreed to let the Old Man see our DD.

**Domestic Gal** · 06-19-2008, 05:50 PM

DH and I will be married 8 years next month and my kids do not call DH there dad. They call him Mike. The youngest will refer him to her friends as her dad. Just so they know who she is talking about. Or she just says my parents.
My son refers to him as his step dad.
The oldest one refer to him as Mike.

She needs to wake up and set her child straight or she will have problems when she get older.
She is not setting a very good example for her child. Letting her call anyone daddy. When he is gone is she going to let her call the next one daddy. What happens if the bio dad came back. This child is going to be confused.

**Lady_V** · 06-19-2008, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by Domestic Gal

She is not setting a very good example for her child. Letting her call anyone daddy. When he is gone is she going to let her call the next one daddy. What happens if the bio dad came back. This child is going to be confused.

Where did it say the mother didn't have a long-term relationship with this man and is jumping from relationship to relationship allowing her dd to call any man daddy?

This is a child child... too young to understand the complex lives adults lead. She has someone to call Daddy, someone who is there. If the bio-dad came back... what difference does that make? Does he automatically earn the title of Daddy? I refer to my bio-dad as 'the donor' and my step/adopted dad as 'the other one'. It is up to the discretion of the mother to let the child know there is a bio-dad... but keeping him a total secret may do damage in the end.

**brenda67** · 06-19-2008, 06:03 PM

I don't believe in calling a non-parent mom or dad...unless the child was raised by a non-biological parent and or has been in the childs life for years.. I didn't even call my stepmother MOM and she was married to my dad for 17yrs..JMHO..

**mombottoo** · 06-19-2008, 06:43 PM

"Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy", this is a quote on a frame that holds a picture of my hubby & our firstborn. He's not his bio-father, but he IS his DAD...

**Momof3girls** · 06-19-2008, 06:48 PM

I don't think it is the greatest idea to call a bf or gf Mom or Dad.
I think it is very confusing for a young child, especially if this person is not in the picture later.

**ravenmaniac** · 06-19-2008, 06:52 PM

I don't know who is right or wrong. If these people are in a long term committed relationship why not have her call him daddy? I hope he treats the little girl like she is his own daughter and she is being raised to love others and embrace peoples differences.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 06-19-2008, 06:55 PM

Me and DH met and got married after I had DS #1 and he's pretty much the only father figure he's ever known. I would rather have DS #1 know current DH as his father than his biological one, since his biological father didn't want anything to do with him from the start.

It is what works for our family. Not all families are alike.

**Buckeye5** · 06-19-2008, 07:34 PM

I don't think it is a good custom to start.. BF's etc. can come and go, plus Mom and Dad are names for very special people.

**FrugalWitch** · 06-19-2008, 07:42 PM

I think if a man wants to be called "Dad" he should be married to the Mom. Not just dating or shacking up. JMHO

**McD** · 06-19-2008, 08:21 PM

Ultimately, I think it is up to the parents to decide what works best for their family.

**itsahumanzoo** · 06-19-2008, 08:41 PM

I don't think it's the best idea, but it is up to each individual family. Personally though, it bothers me when a child refers to his mom's bf as "uncle" I've seen that before. To me, that is just all kinds of confusing!

I think the idea of "Mr. So and So" or "Ms. So and So" is much more acceptable. And oh so polite.