Speaking of Baby Showers.......

**redbug29** · 07-07-2008, 04:55 PM

My sisters best friend is having a baby shower, now I am friends with her but not as good as she is. This is her second baby and her second baby shower, both girls within 3 years of each other.

I wasn't invited to the first one, but I am now invited to the second one and obviously expected to bring a gift.. Now hear's my problem.....

I don't think that it is right to have a second baby shower when the other one is only three and of the same sex. I could see if she was having a boy and needed things but really???? I don't want to go to the shower and now my sister is mad at me.... Not to mention I don't have the money to buy her a gift in the first place.

Am I being nasty????

Tiffany

**blitzen** · 07-07-2008, 04:57 PM

Not at all! If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. You could always send a 'gift certificate' for babysitting or something, or offer to bring over a meal when the baby is born to help out the mom-to-be.

I've done my best to get over the feeling of obligation about sending gifts when I can't afford to do it. You give what you can, and if that means you give your time instead of a 'thing', I say that's alright too!

**itsahumanzoo** · 07-07-2008, 05:16 PM

I am interested to know why you don't think it's right to have a second baby shower. I'm expecting my second child, but I don't know the sex yet. My first will be almost 3 when the 2nd is born. At first I wasn't sure about having a shower, but everyone is telling me I should. But for me, it's not about gifts, it's about celebrating the addition of a new person into our lives!

I would in no way expect anyone to have to bring a gift. However, if they choose to, that is up to them. I do not plan on registering again, even though I don't have a lot of the things I need. Most of the stuff we had for DS was borrowed and given back after we were done.

Anyway, you should feel free to go, and enjoy yourself. If you don't feel comfortable hanging around while gifts are being opened, just excuse yourself and thank them for inviting you. Personally, I just hate opening gifts in front of large groups of people. Who made that a tradition?!

The best gifts I got at my first shower were the necessities. Diapers, wipes, etc. If you can use some coupons and get a good deal on some diapers and wipes, that would be as good a gift as any!

**Lilolme** · 07-07-2008, 05:53 PM

An invitation doesn't mean you have to RSVP!

If you do not feel like going, don't go! If you just don't want to go because you cannot afford a gift, I would say go anyways, you do not have to take a gift! It shouldn't matter, IMO!!!!

**heartofmine** · 07-07-2008, 10:17 PM

I have to disagree a bit. If you are invited to a baby shower or any other type of shower you are expected to bring a gift. It is a celebration of the new baby or the newly married couple yes but a gift is still expected. That is the whole point of the shower I believe.

As for having one for a second baby its not etiquette as far as the etiquette rules apply but many have them now anyway. I personally don't feel a person should with them that close together. I didn't and I had a girl and boy within 15 months of each other. I feel the same way about having wedding showers for people that have been living together for several years or who are going from one marriage right into the next and having another shower. They should already have everything they need for housekeeping. Now please don't jump on me everyone. This is just my opinion about it. We all do have one.

If family and friends want to do the showers then that is fine but I think it should stay in the close family and close friends and not be sent out to everyone they know like is generally done with the first shower.

Oh LOL and I forgot to add that you just have to do whatever your comfortable with. If you can't afford it you can't afford it. I know I've been there.

**janis362529** · 07-08-2008, 12:32 AM

I had a baby shower with my first and my last. My kids are aged 8, 5, and 3. But as luck had it I gave away all my baby stuff when we moved and then found out I was preggo(doesn't it always happen that way) So I needed new everything. We invited everyone and everyone gave what they could afford hubby and I still had to by the crib, car seat, stroller, ect but it was a much needed help.

**Momto2Boyz** · 07-08-2008, 09:51 AM

I don't believe a gift should be expected simply becuase you get an invitation to a shower or party. I do think that if you attend...then you are obligated to bring a gift. DH has a HUGE family and we get shower/wedding invitations constantly and we attend the family we are close with and don't attend the ones we aren't close with. I have never felt obligated to send a gift to those we don't know well or at all.

I just hosted a baby shower for my best friend a few months ago and poured through pages of shower ettiquete to make sure I had everything right. Ettiquete clearly stated that it is only ok to have a shower for a second child is when the child is of a different sex. Not trying to start an argument...but that is what I read.

I have 2 boys and I only had one shower. Well, actually I had 2 showers (both for my first), only because when my SIL held my official shower, she didn't invite a single friend of mine (it was all family and her friends...I never did figure that one out). So my friends threw me a second shower because they wanted to.

**FrugalMomof3** · 07-08-2008, 09:53 AM

I've never heard of having a baby shower for the2nd and all other future babies, usually you have a baby shower for the 1st baby BUT things change I guess.

As for you being nasty, not at all, if you can't afford it than you just cant. Your sister will have to get over it OR she can just buy a gift and say it's from you

**redbug29** · 07-08-2008, 10:03 AM

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for it IF the baby is a different sex or there is a bigger time span....And I'm all for it if its just the celebration part, but when the invitation comes with three different cards for where she is registered I think she is just fishing for free stuff......

Tiffany

**AmyMCGS** · 07-08-2008, 11:11 AM

If I were you, I probably wouldn't go or send a gift. I hate feeling like I'm being invited just so I'll bring a gift.

I always believed it was improper to have a shower for anything other than the first child, but that's just what I was taught- different people do different things.

We had a relative who had multiple showers for her first child (a couple of which she basically arranged herself) and then also had two showers (per her request, according to family gossip) for her second child, who happened to be the same sex.

I didn't attend any of them, just sent small gifts when the kids were born.

**angelbumpkin** · 07-08-2008, 05:11 PM

I believe it depends on the family up bringing. I know people who have had showers for each of their kids. But they have given away alot of things in between kids.

Remember it is your choice to go to the shower or not.

**danni** · 07-08-2008, 05:38 PM

No one offered(and I didn't ask) to have a shower for my first 2 children or my last child, and the first and last are the ones I could have really used shower for. The first just because it was my first and the last because the twins were already 7 years old when I went in to get my tubes tied and found out I was pregnant. I had already long since gotten rid of anything baby related. But my mil and my mom both threw me showers for the twins. They did them separately and both invited all their friends and my mom invited my friends too. My mom asked everyone that wanted to bring a gift to bring a casserole that could be frozen or diapers as I had already been given alot of stuff. I loved that shower the best, everyone brought a casserole and the recipe and almost everyone brought diapers too. It was so nice to have meals already to eat for the first few weeks, especially since they nursed pretty much constantly. My mil threw another shower because she didn't like my mom's idea. I didn't find out about it until I was at the shower and felt really weird not only because they weren't my friends but because I had already been given so many hand me down things that I really didn't need anymore stuff. Alot of the things I recieved new got hardly any use at all.

**Iansmommy** · 07-09-2008, 01:59 PM

I don't see anything wrong with having a baby shower for each child. If someone wants to throw you a shower and your friends want to come, why not. Why shouldn't the 2nd or 3rd child have a few new items as well. If you don't want to go, then don't go. I had a shower with each of my children. It wouldn't of mattered to me if someone came and didn't bring a gift. Sometimes a few will go together and buy a gift which I think is perfectly fine too. I don't listen too much to what is "proper" and what is not when it comes to these things. It's a celebration of a new life. I can't think of something more worthy of a party than that.

**Izzybeff** · 07-09-2008, 02:21 PM

I don't go to any showers except for the first child. Unless there is a huge gap like 10 years or something between kids.. But honestly I think people are just looking for gifts if there throwing a shower everytime they have a child..

I was invited to a shower this summer for a woman's third child. Her first two are 2 & 4 years old. Obviously she still has baby stuff since this baby was planned. I just decline and don't send a gift. No questions asked.