Do you feel obligated to go to an event for someone who is related to you?

**frugalandsimple** · 07-10-2008, 06:49 PM

Do you feel like you need to go to someone's baby or bridal shower, Wedding or even a funeral because you're related to that person? (Including Holiday get-togethers) I used to feel obligated but not anymore. Time is precious to me. There's certain things I rather be doing that wasting my time being around a relative that I don't care for or don't know very well. Throughout the years, I have lost touch with most of my relatives, including cousins so some of them are almost like strangers to me because I know little about them.

**nuisance26** · 07-10-2008, 07:13 PM

~The only way I would feel obligated to attend something is if my mom was hosting. Luckily she throws fantastic parties so I always want to go. I've declined to go to showers and weddings and receptions hosted by other family and I don't feel the least bit guilty. I used to feel obligated to go to Christmas dinner at my in-laws. We didn't want to disappoint DH's parents but I was throwing what I wanted under the bus by obliging.~

**Frugal Nurse** · 07-10-2008, 07:24 PM

It depends on the 'closeness' of the family.

I never feel obligated to attend anything on either side of the family.
If DH wants to attend his family event - well then.. we go -just for fun, but never an obligation.

Funny you should mention, we were just talking about this. We wondered if we'd go to my paternal grandmother's funeral. She's like 162 years old now. She is one helluva mean beach. Always was. And nobody in the family knows me.

I am too good to be hanging with them, so they no longer recognize me - maybeeeee it's because I don't fit in! yeah!! I don't have a red bulbous, pock face from years of alcholism.. that's it!.. sorry.. off on a tangent here.

so.. no. No guilt. No obigation.

**freebs** · 07-10-2008, 07:53 PM

i only go if my mom is there or hosting. Funerals are different my mom wouldnt let me not be there for family.

**sunshine** · 07-10-2008, 08:02 PM

I used to . . . until a couple years ago, when my brother and sister ganged up on me, and started telling lies. . . now I don't go to any.

**AmyMCGS** · 07-10-2008, 08:08 PM

I only feel obligated to attend funerals, because that's what my family does... people come from far and wide in honor of the deceased. Even great aunts & uncles that I didn't know well... you just go. It's just how it's done in my family. Of course the viewings for those funerals are also all-day family affairs... I didn't know that wasn't normal until I was a married adult.

Anything else, though, I don't feel obligated to attend-- I only go if I want to.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 07-10-2008, 08:25 PM

The only things that I attend that are family oriented are Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter...any other holiday/get together is something that we either don't have time for or can't afford. My SIL got married in Vegas but we didn't have time to fly down (plus DS being autistic would have probably kept us off the plane with his aggressive outbursts). I don't feel obligated but I feel like having the kids around the family that they know gives them a chance to spend some good time together. If it's relatives I don't see often, it depends on the relative.

**Edna_E** · 07-10-2008, 08:31 PM

Absolutely not. I think if my family members want to be considered socially acceptable, then they need to behave in a manner that ensures that they ARE socially acceptable. IF they choose to act like boors, then I choose not to spend time around them.

Incidentally, this is kind of odd but my family not only doesn't attend funerals, they do not have them. They tend to cremate and get 2 or 3 people to distribute the ashes someplace nice - and they usually try to get together several people for dinner and reminiscences sometime within the first few months after the person dies. Part of this may be that my family is geographically scattered.

**Edna_E** · 07-10-2008, 08:32 PM

Actually, I also have to laugh because my family thinks of me as the person who is ALWAYS at EVERYthing! Not due to obligation, I just like everybody pretty well and enjoy seeing people.

**Momof3girls** · 07-10-2008, 09:03 PM

God, did you peek into my life today or what? Sil's son is having a bday party on Sat. I don't wanna go. A million people we don't really know will be there. Sigh...dh is making me go though... I will to keep the peace, but I still don't wanna...whining...

**familyof3** · 07-11-2008, 09:38 AM

I used to, but then realized DH, DS and I were giving up the chance to do things together because we had "obligations".

Now, the only things I absolutely go to are for either of our immediate families. If the parents are planning it, it's a definite.

I still can't shake the guilt though when I turn the invitation down.

**AmyBoz** · 07-11-2008, 09:43 AM

I don't feel obligated to anything at any time. Probably why I'm one of the least favorites in the family, but we go when we want to go, and if we don't want to go, then we don't.

**baxjul** · 07-11-2008, 10:09 AM

I used to feel obligated, but moving 1400 miles away from family and friends has helped that, LOL!

**FrugalWitch** · 07-12-2008, 10:21 PM

Considering that a nest of vipers has more warmth and kindness than my family, the answer would be "no"

**LuvMyHubby** · 07-12-2008, 10:47 PM

We used to and still do attend major events and events hosted by mil/fil but as far as the rest of the pack...well let's just say that after witnessing some of the horrible backstabbing dh sibs can do, I don't push him to go to anything he doesn't want to. Probably just as well, I get fiercely defensive of anyone getting ganged up on particularly dh with his wolf pack sibs.