Somedays my SO makes me crazy (long)

[Quadcam]

heres a little background on the situation at our house.
First of all I bought a house with my with my GF of 3 years and her DD who is 17 turning 18 in Oct also lives with us. Her DD makes me crazy because shes been given her own way her entire life and no matter what she does she has no consequences. She'll pop off at the mouth to me, her mother or anyone else just because she knows we really cant do anything about it.

The girl just irks me to no end, she'll open cabinets to get something out, never closes them, if she opens something , say a jar of mayo, it will sit on the counter with a spoon sticking out if it until someone else puts it away. if she actually does manage to put the lid on she'll sit it on top and not turn it closed so that the next person who picks it up will see it go flying across the kitchen when the lid comes off.

She was on my family plan on my cellphone and she was responsible for paying $50/month of the bill for her half, she got paid on the 5th so on the 6th I said "hey I need the money for your cell" she says "I dont have it" she went and blew her entire paycheck in 1 day knowing full well she was supposed to pay for her phone. So I end up having to pay the $105 for the bill because if I dont then my phone gets cut off too. Yesterday she comes up and hands me $10...says "heres for the phone". I said "thats it??" ..she says "yep, thats all I got"

So anyway, a few months ago her BF who is 22 or 24 started showing up at the house more and more and staying longer and longer, so finally I say to my GF..."I think shes trying to move her BF in here" and my GF says "oh yeh I was gonna talk to you about that this weekend....he got kicked out of the place he was staying and now he has nowhere to go so I told her he could stay here until he saves up money to get a place"

I was furious and I let my GF know how I felt about it. Now just for the record my GF is an optimist and I am a pessimist, she'll find something good in any situation...me on the other hand, I dont trust anyone and I see things for what they are.

So she says "well, he was homeless and he's going to help with some of the bills and at least she knows he isnt out getting in trouble".
I said "no he's a loser and all he does is get high all day long and play video games and I dont trust him or want him here" So needless to say I lose and he moves in anyway.

for the first couple weeks he sits around smokin weed and playing video games and says he's trying to find a job...yeh right. meanwhile he's moochin cigarettes off my GF and of course she feels sorry for him and actually gives him about 10 a day, He asked me and I said..your SOL, I cant afford to support your habit and mine, tell your Gf to buy you some.

So anyway the deal with him staying here was he is to pay the electric bill and the DD is to keep the house clean...well shes done it 1 time so far and he paid the electric bill once. He got a job with the DD working at McDonalds he got fired after 3 days...then spent another month "trying to find a job" again all day long he would get high, sleep and play video games online. after about a month he got another job at whataburger (aspire to be great things right). he cant get a job anywhere else cause he has a long criminal record and he's high all the time and cant pass a drug screen.

So we get the electric bill for july ($256) he's supposed to pay it but he's only worked 3 days in the last 2 weeks so his check will be like $100. So today I work on adjusting the budget and I tell DD that since she screwed me over on the phone bill they better come up with the electric bill money...she says "well he wont have enough to pay it" I said "well then you'll have to pay it, that was the deal for him to stay here, pay the electric bill, it's due by the 18th" she says "that was HIS deal...I aint paying it" I said good then if it doesnt get paid he can move the F out"

So I mention it to my GF and she says "why do you have to be so mean all the time?" I said " because sometimes you have to be!, why do you have to be so nice all the time?? the deal was he pays the electric , if he dont have it he better find a way to get it and I told your daughter if he doesnt pay it she'll have to and he can pay her back"

She said "I already told her she doesn't have to pay it, it's his responsibility, we'll just have to take the money from savings and pay it and when he gets paid again he can pay us for it"
at that point I just shut up cause it's a no win situation...I'm just over both of them and I want him gone already. I walked into their room the other day and theres a hole in the wall the size of my fist, we just bought this place in december so I was pissed...I said WTF???? she says "oh we were messin around and he fell into the wall...mommy already knows"

At what point do I just flip out??...when I say anything to my GF she says "he really isnt any trouble" then she gets mad at me when I say anything about them. I told her she needs to give him a deadline to move out of here...she still hasnt because she doesnt want her daughter to leave and she knows when he goes she'll go with him.

[Missy]

Um...I'd flip out the first time he smoked pot in my house. I mean a huge fit. Catastrophic fit. Something that would be on the news. Ka-boom.

Sure, it's a little pot. Just a little. I smoked it as a teen, Then I grew up. And grew out...as in out of the house. On my own.

if it were me, I'd make teen dd and her freeloader bf pay for her phone and the agreed to elect bill, if not shut off her line, remove the video game console...heck flip the breaker to each room that isn't being paid for (ie "their room", my circuit breaker is clearly marked, if not now is as good a time as any to find out which one works which room). I wouldn't totally disconnect the phone, if that drops your contract, but call them and have them temporarily disconnect the line.

tell your GF that too, so mommy knows. Plus very clearly tell teen dd and boyfriend that they are to find jobs. If they wanna shack up and be grown ups, do it like grown ups...with responsibilities, rent, landlords, bills,and...JOBS. like the rest of "grown-up land" has to.

give them a set time limit...and stick to it

(and as a side note: get a lock and key for the breaker box. )

[Mom23boys]

I think you are in a bad situation! I would never buy a home with someone I am not married too. If your relationship goes 'kaput', how do you decide who gets them home? Not saying it will, but things sure do not sound like they are going geat right now. You and your GF need to be on the same page. I think you are right for wanting GF's daughter and her boyfriend out. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you and GF. If the daughter doesn't pay you for her phone bill, I would have it shut off until she does. I think she would figure out that you were serious and begin to take responsibility. Just call the cell phone company and tell them you want to temporary turn off the cell number ***-****. I have had to do this myself when my oldest son didn't think I was serious about him going over minutes. It worked. LOL!

IMHO - The boyfriend needs to go!!

[cab54]

Umm.....I'd just cut my losses and move out, QC.

Your SO isn't going to change, and those kids sure as he!! aren't. Get a new place, and a new SO. This isn't going to stop, I'm sorry to say. These people have been like this since God knows when, and they will be this way till they leave this earth.


Sorry. I've been around awhile, and I wouldn't risk trying to stay with SO and her deadbeats (I think they are all mooching off you, if you want MHO) and I would RUUUUUUUNNNNNN.

[Mom23boys]

remove the video game console...heck flip the breaker to each room that isn't being paid for (ie "their room", my circuit breaker is clearly marked, if not now is as good a time as any to find out which one works which room).

Good idea, Missy! I bet they would hate that.

[Missourimom]

Darn. I had a post all made out and then my connection timed out and I lost it.

You are being taken advantage of and your GF should be more considerate and thoughtful of your feelings and offer you some respect. After all, the house IS half yours and your opinion DOES matter.

I think in the end, you're going to have to stand your ground or it'll only get worse. I'm sorry you're going through this....it must be hard.

[angelbumpkin]

If it were me I would put the relationship out to pasture. If can not agree on things now I don't believe things well get any better.

But if you are content to stay. I would turn the power off to that room and have the phone line suspended.

The freeloading bf needs to hit the road.
I wish you the best of luck in your decision.

[Rosebush3]

Do whatever to get away from the three of them. Your life will just suck to no end if you stay. It doesn't sound like any of them truly care one whit about you, can't imagine you think staying there is a good idea. The whole thing, is not a good idea. I don't know what all is entailed in getting out of the mortgage and all, but do it. Just get far, far away from that mess.

[Jamauk]

I'd sit down for a long talk with GF. She sounds as if she is totally enabling her DD's behavior and has now found a "pet" (BF) to go along with her.

Once freeloading DD hits 18, I would say "the rules are gonna change". Charge her rent, bills, etc...if she leaves mayo out and it spoils ~ charge her for it.

If she wants to be an adult, she needs to live like one.

Also, the next time BF lit up a joint I'd grab him by the earlobe and kick him to the curb.

[Quadcam]

ok to clarify, my GF (fiancee actually) and I have a great relationship, shes really good to me, my DD loves her and shes a total sweetheart....thats the problem...shes too nice and they take advantage of that. it's her DD and BF that causes the arguments between us. I think along the lines that if DD and her BF wanna play house then they need to fork over some money for bills and food and my GF caters to her DD so I cant win.

As far as smoking, he doesnt do it in the house, I put a stop to that in a hurry, my GF and I both smoke and we dont even smoke in our own house so i'll be damned if he's going to. I dont care if he smokes, I do too now and then.. just dont do it in my house and dont come beggin me for a cigarette, if you got money for weed, you got money for cigarettes,

the cellphone, my Gf moved her DD to a plan with her phone so she isnt on mine anymore but today I called tmobile to change my plan to a les expensive one with just 1 line and they said I cant and if I cancel service it's a $200 cancel fee.

The house situation, I told my GF to put it in her name from the beginning, first because I spent a few months fighting creditors and got her credit fixed up and secondly because my daughters mother (baby momma) is greedy and if she decides to drag me into court for more money and says I just bought a house...I didnt , my GF did. I already pay $600/mo for 1 kid...thats more than enough, plus I have her 1/2 of the time anyway.

Also my Gf makes most of the money and covers the majority of the bills, including the mortgage. Sooooooooooooo....it's just a bad position for me to be in, stuck in the middle. If the DD and her BF would pack up and get their own place life would be good.

heres another example of the BF being on my last nerve...the other day I decide to cook dinner for me and my GF...I made spaghetti and made the sauce from scratch..took me an hour to make the sauce. Well, mooch comes out of the bedroom cause he smells dinner and he asks if he can have some...my gf says yeh, go ahead...so he proceeds to take one little scoop of noodles and every drop of sauce in the pot, his plate was covered in sauce. So I walk in the kitchen and say "ya know, you could have saved the rest of us some sauce!" he says "oh, my bad...I can put this back if ya want..." Ok thats about the point I wanted to punch this kid in the head...but I didnt. so whats he do...gets up, walks to the trash can and cleans all the leftover sauce off his plate into the trash...I had to walk out before I lost it. Of course I say something about it to my GF and she says "well he never really eats much here..." AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

So anyway, if mooch doesnt pay the bill we have to because our power will get shut off for the entire house. By the way this guy is best friends with my GF's older DD's BF...he lived with them for awhile until they got sick of him...kicked him out then he moved in with some other friend of theirs and camped out on their couch till he got fired from his job and then they kicked him out and thats when he came here.

also DD has a job...shes kept her job and when we moved she got another one right away...but...she has zero bills and a total of $0.11 in her bank account after 3 yrs...the have dominos pizza probably 5 times a week..she blows every paycheck she gets and then comes to me for rides to and from work. At least with the BF here I dont have to take her back and forth to work...she drives his car.

[Greebo]

Book: Boundaries

Buy it. Read it. If you're not religious (I'm not), read it anyway! Then tell GF she needs to read it too.

Right now, DD and the Freeloaders are not having to suffer the consequences of their actions. SO is not helping them prepare for life, she is guaranteeing their future failure.

[Quadcam]

Greebo...yeh I know, shes been catering to her since she was a baby. GF's Ex abused the Dd when she was 6 or so, plus shes a redhead and people picked on her...so my GF babied her for her entire life .

it's just little stuff that adds up and irritates me , Like it used to be DD's job to take the trash out, when she refused to do my GF did it for her. I said why did you do that? it's her job not yours...she says "because by the time I spend an hour arguing with her to do it I can just do it myself"

one day I told her to take it out and she refused...I said "fine, I'll do it...but tomorrow when you have to get to work...guess who isnt going to be giving you a ride" ..I took the trash out and no I didnt take her to work the rest of the week...plus I went and removed the wireless antenna from her computer for a week.

guess what...the following week...she took the trash out


Greebo, I checked that book out on amazon...maybe thats it, my GF is Christian.I'm not. Dunno if I can read the book but maybe she can..I have issues with organized religion, especially pushy Christians. We just dont discuss religion in my house.

[Jamauk]

I think maybe you need to have a talk with GF. I can understand her wanting to do everything for her daughter and trying to make up for the pain her daughter felt.

But GF needs to understand that she isnt' helping DD. In fact she's hurting her. DD needs to realize that once she is out from Mommy's shadow this kind of behavior isn't gonna cut it. Tough love is hard, but it sounds like that's what GF needs for DD right now.

Good Luck!

[jas]

Wow what a mess!
I hope that you can get the freeloader out of the house soon. Your fiance may be the sweetest woman on the planet but, she is not doing her daughter any favors by letting her just run ruffshot all over the house. It will not produce a mature adult. I am sure you know this though and that is why it is so frustrating for you.

Many people want to be best friends with their kids when in reality they need PARENTS to teach and guide them. Sometimes it is not a pleasant job.

Hope things turn around for your household SOON!

[Quadcam]

She knows she messed up by babying her so when my daughter tries to be bossy or my GF sees me letting her get away with something she'll say something to me like "better nip that in the bud real quick, trust me you dont want one like mine"

It's like what do you do to a 17 yr old when she just outright refuses to do something? I'll ask her to do something and she says "how about NO!". I mean what am I supposed to do in that situation ? especially since she isnt my kid.

at least with my kid, theres consequences to her actions and honestly she is a really good kid and doesnt give me any problems, she loves to help around the house, gets mad if you wont let her do dishes. She helps me in the yard, likes to help with the garden and the chickens...etc, etc. But then again shes only 6, I dont even have to spank her if she gets in trouble, I just look at her with a mean face and she starts cryin her eyes out LOL

the DD17 isnt mature...not even close...shes 17 and still sucks her thumb when shes sitting around watching tv. I just cant wait till the DD and her BF get a dose of reality. He's also a spoiled, his mom married a rich guy, they used to live in a 6000 sq ft house on the beach..so he's used to getting stuff handed to him and doing nothing for it. Since I've known the guy, maybe a year, he's been fired from at least 6 places...and it's not like it was difficult work it was all fast food.

The funny thing with DD17..shes been a member of the police explorers for 2-3 yrs now, it's like ROTC for cops..she does great there, does really well in her shooting competition and fears and respects her Sargent. If her Sargent says jump, she'll ask how high...yet at home it's the total opposite.

anyway, thanks for the replies, I just really needed to get all of this off my chest before I blew up.