fake frugalers - my family

**perSue** · 09-10-2008, 11:24 AM

Ok this is a bit of a spin-off of other's, but about my family.

i was talking w/mother recently and she started talking to me about how a sibling is having a baby in the next few months and another nephew of mine is having a bday soon... and how she's decided to "become frugal".

My thought: wow... really??

She has decided, since there are becoming more grandchildren in her family to cut back on things she does... she'll ONLY be spending a couple hundred on them PER occasion.

(I wont get into that she NEVER does anything for MY dss...let alone me or my other half.)

So, rather than spend about 250 per occasion she's down to 200$/occasion. Ok, so it IS being 'frugal' - by definition.

THEN, I am _TOLD_ to send gift cards and check out the baby registry and buy stuff. When I said "for the new baby, why can't I make a receiving blanket??"

NO!! Don't MAKE anything... they want purchased items.
(WHY? So they can return 'em for money or exchanges???)
I even got a list of stores to buy things from.

I wanted to cry!

THEN... this was lovely...
I get reminded if I want things done for me like that, then I should have my own kid. Otherwise, I can just keep quiet and remember to buy things for my siblings - who earn (w/double income) over 100,000$/yr. But NEVER "make" anything for them... cuz they'll send it back, throw it away or whatever... THEN complain that i "didnt care enough to BUY them anything."

I feel LESS than ... because I'm not like "them".

THIS is why I RARELY talk w/my family...
But I thought I'd share that it's in my family.
They talk like they're frugal, even have some nice ideas... but don't DO what they talk about... and then wonder why they're in debt.
And at the same time make fun of me because I do "outdated" hobbies... like sewing, quilting and yarn-crafts.

I feel the others pain who experience this in their families too!

**Greebo** · 09-10-2008, 11:33 AM

"Dear Brother/Sister,

I appreciate your desire for store bought gifts for your children, but our budget does not allow for that kind of gift giving. As I am the one giving the gift, it is appropriate that I be the one to choose what I give.

On the other hand, if you were the one paying for the gift, you would have every right to choose the gift that is given.

Therefore, your choices is to either accept the gifts I put my time, effort, and soul into making for your children, or to send me the money for the gifts you desire along with a note indicating where to find said item at said price.

All my love!
Your sister,

perSue"

**itsahumanzoo** · 09-10-2008, 11:44 AM

That is rude and extremely ungrateful of them to be so petty and throw away something that someone put their time and effort into making. I'm sure they will have blankets on their registry, and I'm sure you could even find yarn in colors that will coordinate with their decor, as I'm sure they have everything matching. Ugh, that just makes me so mad!

**perSue** · 09-10-2008, 12:00 PM

LOL

Now you see how I feel.... itsahumanzoo

I LOVE your letter Greebo!

However, I simply "seem to forget" things a lot when it comes to occasions & them... I don't know "what" is wrong w/me!!

LOL

I got SO upset one year, I literally bawled for days, when I'd spent tons of time and energy on an afghan & small pillow for a crib (more decorative, but still useful in toddler years)... and found out they didnt see a tag on it & ended up throwing it away.

OH i was CRUSHED!!!

It was THAT moment that i realized I will NEVER buy gifts for them again.

When I get back on my feet again financially, I may send a small gift card to the "family" - but that's as FAR as I'll ever go again.

I would LOVE to have just gotten back the stuff and given it to someone who'd USE it - and appreciate it.

It still hurts me now to think of it... but I just remember it & smile & go on knowing i'll never waste another iota of energy on 'em again.

**Ceashels** · 09-10-2008, 12:01 PM

You could make them a receiving blanket any way and wrap it ready for archival storage. It would be an heirloom blanket that they can proudly not use. But still have it available for future generations who could appreciate it more. The pendulum will swing for them or for the new generation they raise because it will swing.

**Greebo** · 09-10-2008, 12:01 PM

I'd stop giving any kinds of gifts for them after the "throwing away a hand made afghan" incident. That'd be it.

**chewawalove** · 09-10-2008, 12:21 PM

Beautiful card that reads inside:
********************************
Dear _______,

Congratulations on your _______. We celebrate with you in this. We have made a donation in your name in honor of this celebration to _______.

************************

The donation might be a wonderful blanket or other item or a monetary donation. But from what I read in your post it would be tremendously more appreciated there than in your family. Sorry you have to deal with this.

**cab54** · 09-10-2008, 12:41 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

I'd stop giving any kinds of gifts for them after the "throwing away a hand made afghan" incident. That'd be it.

I agree with Greebo! Wow. Just wow.

My mom taught us "Receive a gift graciously, and use it gratefully."

I am making her this
http://web.archive.org/web/200204221...com/CANDLE.HTM

for Christmas and I know she'll be thrilled. We value handmades and time/love put into gifts. I don't know what you can do, perSue. I'd be inclined to avoid family if they acted like that. You don't need the stress and insults.

**justatxmom** · 09-10-2008, 12:42 PM

If I found out that the gifts I made with my time and love were thrown away I would simply "shoot" the gift horse and put it out of its misery.

I find it unbelievable that people can be so shallow and want a tag to show off rather than a unique gift that no one else would have. Shame on them.

If it were me, I might still make something BUT for a charity... maybe one that does blankies for preemies or a cause that plants trees for special occasions and then send them a card saying something to the affect of "Congrats on your new Bundle of Joy! In honor of the blessed event a beautiful quilt has been donated in Baby's name to the NICU of Local hospital." Or, "Congrats New Parents! A tree has been planted in Baby's honor." Maybe you could even plant an apple tree in your own yard and when your neice is older make special memories with her teaching her to make apple pie.

I am so sorry your family is being this way.

Eta: Ahh, Chew! Great minds think a like.

**Samigirl** · 09-10-2008, 12:48 PM

To throw away a handmade gift is beyond rude. I'm so sorry you have such horrible people in your life. If it were me, I'd put an end to the gift-giving.

**iida** · 09-10-2008, 12:54 PM

OMG how rude they are! Don´t give them anything. They so don´t deserve it. I don´t understand people like them at all. I always appreciate (sp?) handmade gifts even more than storebought. It is easy to go to a shop and buy something but when you make something yourself, you really put your time and effort and soul into it.

**madhen** · 09-10-2008, 01:14 PM

I have thrown away a few handmade things, but only because they were not well-made, were not well-thought-out to my needs, or were just flat out ugly. Mostly, I donate such things. However, I have NEVER let the recipient know that I did so, and I have been known to hang on to the ugliest gift EVER for two years, just in case questions were asked, before giving it to someone else to sell on eBay, just so it could never be tracked back to me!

I agree that your family sounds pretty callous. My mother is that way. When she was hurting financially, I went out and bought her a box of "goodies" from the local Asian market, all of which I had seen her eat and knew she liked. She looked in the box and claimed there was nothing there that she could eat. She later made it a point to tell me that she gave all of it away, because she had no use for it.

You know what they say: you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.

**leezza** · 09-10-2008, 01:16 PM

PerSue,

I am so sorry that you had to deal with such hateful behavior.....

Please know that there are people out there that would really appreciate your time and hard work.

You know what when I was growing up we had a Aunt that could make anything.....every occasion we were very excited to see what we would get from her, all hand made and beautiful! I miss her, she was like Martha Stewart before there was Martha Stewart.

Kind Regards,
leezza

**MomToTwoBoys** · 09-10-2008, 01:43 PM

I'd tell them all to go to hell in a handmade, doiley (is that how it's spelled?) lined handbasket with their names stitched on the side with some ribbon to accent the top of the basket.

That kind of behavior in any family is completely unacceptable and I feel bad you have to deal with that, perSue.

**Starlight9803** · 09-10-2008, 01:50 PM

That is awful that they would simply throw away a gift (homemade or otherwise). DH has a family member who is extremely similar (too good for homemade/not high priced gifts), so I can relate a bit. Sorry you have to deal with someone so callous!