bully update question please

[toile]

Ok you all were so kind to offer me advice on the bullying.
May I ask an updated question please?

My son seems way past fed up, and he is starting to physically stand up. The school has asked that he not and let the other kids get punished.
We also asked that he not for college scholarship reasons.

Today he came home with a swollen face.
Daily (actually for years) a certain boy hits him and things like that.... etc..
This year the boy daily finds him, cusses him out, and hits him in the face with a full book bag.

Today my son said instinct stepped in and he kicked the boy in the privates.
The boy of course got angry and punched my son in the jaw.

Ok heres the question...
Do we just throw his goal of straight A's, perfect attendance, and clean record down the drain and just fight back?

And if so....just how many times and just how many is he to fight back with?
He has SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
many bullies that if he stood up to all of them, he would then slowly build a rap sheet and be sent to alternative school for "fighting"?????

This is the exact reason we advocated peaceful resolution etc..
The bad guys can't win, darn it!
My sons future is at stake!

I cant very well let my son now be labeled as a fighter and ruin his future?
I have seen this exact senario ruin kids futures here in my town.

[ktsmama]

No advice. I just hope you can this resolved. Good luck.

[nessarowdy]

I agree with the previous poster. PUNKS! I can't remember, is your child a senior? Is there any way to pull him out and either homeschool him or have him take the GED? I realize that sounds like he's the one being punished, but this just can't go on. The school needs to be accountable, so MAKE THEM ACCOUNTABLE. Your son is entitled to an education where he also feels safe. Maybe they need to hire him an aide who shadows your son all day. Please videotape the incidences, you will get so much further with evidence.

Hugs to your boy,
Vanessa

[MomToTwoBoys]

I remember being bullied (sort of) in school. I got into a couple fights while in high school and in alot of fights during my elementary school days. That didn't stop me from getting scholarships or accepted to colleges.

Is this happening on school grounds? The school can be held liable for it if something happens.

Is this happening on his way home from school? If so then what are the chances that he can come home with someone else?

I remember being bullied and it wasn't fun. I also remember my mother teaching me to stand up for myself and not let anyone push me around. I teach my children the same thing.

Peaceful resolution doesn't work anymore. A bully will continue after his victim, no matter what. Most bullies feel no compassion for those that they are bullying. Alot of the time, bullies are usually picking on someone who seems like an easier target to them and they're usually doing it to get rid of some anger issues at home.

I'd have someone trail your son on his way home from school and see what happens. If the kid jumps him, then call the police and be sure to take pictures/video of the fight. The kid can be sued in court.

[FrugalMomof3]

I agree with Jason... it's time to stand up!

[Missourimom]

Get the police involved ASAP and press charges against this kid the next time he physically touches your son. I'll PM you later about my experience with this.

[toile]

Thanks so much everyone.

In our school, if you fight back your BOTH suspended. If you continually stand up yourself, you will soon form a paper trail, be considered a repeat offender and your sent to alternative school or worse .

He is only in 8th grade
I have got 4 more years of this H____.

We have filed one police report. But honestly I cant go down there each time with THIS many bullies?
Plus we have a tad of the small town politic thing here?

I will look into video though the kids cant have their backpacks on them very much for some reason.

I wish I had $ to burn.....
You have to remember we have spent thousands already on this and it has really damaged us financially.

Thanks MM for PMing me later!!!!

Can anyone tell me if bullying decreases in High School?
I do remember my highschool having bullies but that was a different time.

[Texasgirl]

I'm new here why hasn't the school done something about this?

I have always told the boys to turn the other check but if this has been going on for a long time its time to have charges filed against the little brat that's doing this.
Does the other kids parents know he is doing this?

To bad he cant have a can of bright orange spray paint and spray the kid with it next time the kid hits your son.

Sorry I hate bullies.

[Darlene]

Like Jason made mention of, this is a police matter now. Schools can only do so much and your son doesn't need to put up with this bs. The parents, threatened with real legal action will rein in their bully son or they all will face consequences. Time to be nice is over.

[nodmicks]

We had a parent after years of the school not taking care of file charges against the school and school board and file police reports. It worked. The bully was expelled and charged with battery. Sad thing is it took 3 darn years!

My son was also bullied years ago and I am sad to say it stopped when he snapped and really beat the kid in retaliation. Our schools also suspend for sticking up for yourself. I told the principal if they had done their job my son wouldn't have beat him back. Alas small town~ turn the blind eye to certain familys thing.

[toile]

Nod I think nothing would make me happier than to sue them right now.
I know of a family in another town that hired a lawyer, then after that she never had another moments trouble.

Heres the thing no one tells you.
Educational Advocates (work for lawyers) are PRICEY.
They are good but every little second you speak, email them adds up quick. Then you must pay for their commute times, reviwing of your childs file, all contacts with the school which are out of your hands.
THEN they constantly send you to various specialist to prove your legal case.

I don't think people realize when your dealing with a school, you must sue under a certain umbrella if you will.
Starting a fight is VERY costly.
I don't know if we will ever be able to pay off the advocating we have done for our sons years back.
The sad thing too is most parents go broke before the YEARS process is even completed.
All you end up with is debt!

I can't even fathom the lawyer fees over the advocate fees. It would be even worse.

I want to share some legal/police school stories from here but I cant because I was a parent advocate and can't say much.
Its just so tough unless your rich and have a lawyer on retainer etc.. and even then.....

Schools are big and have big resources compared to us.

[katholc]

I had the same problems with my younger son. We live in a small town where if your family hasn't lived here for 100+ years you are treated badly(this includes the teachers).

I have 4 words for you: private school and home school

it's much easier to get into college after home schooling now. They even offer scholarships to home schoolers(my youngest was home schooled after we had to pull him out of public school). Also, some Christian private schools allow home schoolers to participate in their sports programs now.

[toile]

Update....

The bully DAILY, finds my son, hits him with his backpack, or sporting gear, or punches him.

The bully claimed it was an accident and both boys got in school suspension.

An accident?
My son will miss instruction, lectures, everything now for an entire day.


An ACCIDENT??????
:gaah:

[ladykemma2]

press charges TODAY while he still has a swollen jaw

[toile]

LadyKemma you are so right!!!!!!
The swelling is gone though....No black eye formed thankfully.

Can I file reports though on getting hit daily with back packs, bags of sporting gear, that leave no injuries? T Twisting that leaves marks on the breast. Small to medium bruises on the arms?
Tripping, punching that leaves no marks?

These bullies are SMART and do stuff that "just enough" and dont always leave marks.

It's just SO so so many, doing so so many different things.....

My blood pressure is so high that my face is bright red and hot.....
Think Im going to go lye down.....

Thanks everyone.