Kid's sharing rooms

**warramra** · 10-27-2008, 11:15 AM

I would like some input, especially from those with larger families. We have four children, three girls in a row (almost 9, 6 and almost 4) and a son who just turned two. We live in a three bedroom house and have plans to either add on a fourth bedroom or convert the garage to a fourth bedroom, but due to financial issues those plans have been put on hold indefinitely.

Up until recently we had the children split up two and two, which I thought worked well. But...the almost four year old potty trained and has decided that since she is a big girl she wants to room with the older two. The six-year-old wants her four year old sister to room with her also. Dd 4 has basically moved into their room (it has a bunk bed and a twin - so three can sleep there). Since she moved in DH and I have moved ds2 to her old toddler bed, which is nice, but doesn't leave her a bed to move back to until we are able to get another toddler bed.

The bug-a-boo in the whole system is that Dd9 wants her own room, period! She doesn't want to share a room, and when she is sharing she is impossible to get to go to sleep and keeps everyone up with wanting to just keep talking, playing, etc. My 9 year old has always been the worst to try to get to sleep, from infanthood. She just doesn't ever want to or need to sleep. We even allow her to sleep in the den/play area (which I would covert to a bedroom if it had a door), but some nights she isn't "comfortable" sleeping there. We have tried a number of incentives to get her to go to bed more easily and not bother others, but she doesn't care.

If you have a number of kids and limited number of bedrooms how do you divide it up? How do you keep the kids from "entertaining" each other at bedtime?

Thanks!

**Momto2Boyz** · 10-27-2008, 12:00 PM

That is a tough one. We are a small family, but live in a small house. I'm still waiting for the day that my 7 year old wants his own room. Right now, they can't fall asleep in a room alone...they have to be in the same room when they fall asleep!

It's tough becuase the older one wants the independence, but the younger one is the opposite sex and eventually will probably be the one to get his own room by default! Maybe sit down and have a chat with the older kids and get their input. It all depends on how "logical" your kids are at the ages they are. But explain that you would like their input, and see what they say. Sometimes my 7 year old can come up with solutions to problems that I never would have thought of and they work out great!

**joyofsix** · 10-27-2008, 12:26 PM

Will the younger three share and give 9yo her own room? I had friends who had boys/girls share. The boy ended up with a lower bunk and a curtain for privacy until he was about 7 or 8. I've had all kinds of sharing situations. Currently the 14yo ds and 12yo ds share, the 5yo dd is supposed to share with her 1yo sister but she and 7yo ds have been sharing a bunk bed in his room. I don't really have a problem with mixed sexes sharing rooms if they have their own bed. I have met others who feel differently.

**vigilant20** · 10-27-2008, 12:49 PM

Originally Posted by joyofsix

Will the younger three share and give 9yo her own room? I had friends who had boys/girls share. The boy ended up with a lower bunk and a curtain for privacy until he was about 7 or 8. I've had all kinds of sharing situations. Currently the 14yo ds and 12yo ds share, the 5yo dd is supposed to share with her 1yo sister but she and 7yo ds have been sharing a bunk bed in his room. I don't really have a problem with mixed sexes sharing rooms if they have their own bed. I have met others who feel differently.

I grew up with 2 brothers in a 2 bedroom house, so we all 3 shared a room until I was 14. Privacy wasn't a big deal...there's a bathroom to change in.

**zakity** · 10-27-2008, 12:52 PM

My guys share a room. They are all male though and they are 12, 10, and 10. We only have a two bedroom house so they don't get a lot of choice.

I don't have a problem with mixed sexes sharing a room when they are little. At some point, they do need their privacy though.

Also, what about story tapes? My guys used to listen to story tapes when they went to bed. Everyone had to be quiet so that everyone could hear. It worked out great except when one fell asleep and snored really loud that night and then the others couldn't hear. What was even better, I found the cd's at the dollar store so I got most of the ones we have for a dollar. Most libraries have books on cd too (which would be the most frugal way).

**warramra** · 10-27-2008, 01:48 PM

I don't have an issue with opposite sexes sharing a room when they are young. In fact, my original plan was to have the two youngest continue sharing for a few more years and the two oldest stay where they are. But, personality issues are starting to interfere with my plans, darn it!

1. My oldest really needs to be totally alone, so she can't entertain anyone else, to settle down. And, she wants her own space so she can work on her crafts and projects without little hands finding them.
2. The 4 & 6 year-olds have very similar personalities and get along really well. They enjoy being together.
3. The two year-old doesn't care, but he is at that age that getting into others' belongings is an issue. And I'm afraid if he is in the room with the 4 & 6 year old they may wake him when they go in to bed.

My immediate knee-jerk reaction is to tell them all to just suck it up and sleep where I tell them to. But, I get why they are asking for different arrangements. DH and I are also tired of the nighttime arguments.

Keep the suggestions coming. I love finding out how others have learned how to live in small homes.

**YankeeMom** · 10-27-2008, 03:16 PM

Why not put the 2yo in the den/family room? It seems that he's the only one who doesn't mind where his bed is lol.

**joyofsix** · 10-27-2008, 03:43 PM

I was going to suggest a sleeping bag for 2yo wherever he'll be happy. One of mine slept in a hallway on a sleeping bag for awhile. Her choice I swear.

**warramra** · 10-27-2008, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by joyofsix

I was going to suggest a sleeping bag for 2yo wherever he'll be happy. One of mine slept in a hallway on a sleeping bag for awhile. Her choice I swear.

We are not real strict about where the kids sleep. Many a night they have all crashed in the family room and we just leave them there. Sometimes DH and I will crash in there also. The offer is always open for the oldest to sleep in either the family room or the den. I'm just kind of thinking as bedroom as personal space also/personal belonging collection area. A place to go be quiet, KWIM.

I've been thinking about this all afternoon. We just really need to find space for one more bedroom. Any sort of sharing solution is just not going to wok with my 9yr old's personality.

I keep coming back to an old idea I had that DH shot down a year or so ago. Our den/office/play area is actually what would have been a formal living room. It is the area you basically walk into when you come in the house. If you turn and go down a short hallway you get to the main part of the house, then the bedrooms are all grouped in the "L" of the house.

I would like to have a doorway put in between the entryway and 'living room' and convert it into a large bedroom for DH and I. Two big drawbacks to my DH were the fact we would have a share a bathroom with the children and no closets. We could probably find an inexpensive armoir to serve as a small closet and keep the rest of our clothes stored in the existing master bedroom closet. The bathroom we would have to share is three times larger than the closet-sized bathroom that we currently have.

I just think it is the best and most cost efficient solution. Down the road it will be easy to convert part of the garage to a master bath worthy of the name (it already has water running to it), which will connect to the master bedroom we make out of the living room.

Now to figure out the best way to convince my DH this is what we need to do.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 10-27-2008, 06:25 PM

Originally Posted by warramra

I would like some input, especially from those with larger families. We have four children, three girls in a row (almost 9, 6 and almost 4) and a son who just turned two. We live in a three bedroom house and have plans to either add on a fourth bedroom or convert the garage to a fourth bedroom, but due to financial issues those plans have been put on hold indefinitely.

Up until recently we had the children split up two and two, which I thought worked well. But...the almost four year old potty trained and has decided that since she is a big girl she wants to room with the older two. The six-year-old wants her four year old sister to room with her also. Dd 4 has basically moved into their room (it has a bunk bed and a twin - so three can sleep there). Since she moved in DH and I have moved ds2 to her old toddler bed, which is nice, but doesn't leave her a bed to move back to until we are able to get another toddler bed.

The bug-a-boo in the whole system is that Dd9 wants her own room, period! She doesn't want to share a room, and when she is sharing she is impossible to get to go to sleep and keeps everyone up with wanting to just keep talking, playing, etc. My 9 year old has always been the worst to try to get to sleep, from infanthood. She just doesn't ever want to or need to sleep. We even allow her to sleep in the den/play area (which I would covert to a bedroom if it had a door), but some nights she isn't "comfortable" sleeping there. We have tried a number of incentives to get her to go to bed more easily and not bother others, but she doesn't care.

If you have a number of kids and limited number of bedrooms how do you divide it up? How do you keep the kids from "entertaining" each other at bedtime?

Thanks!

What about the possibility of converting a basement/attic into a bedroom space? I know that when I was about 12 or 13 and I lived with my mom in a three-bedroom house, I wanted my own room in the attic.

You could always give her a walkie-talkie to share with her siblings if she sleeps in another room. I think the whole comfort issue for her is that she wants to talk and talk until people fall asleep when they're in the same room, but when she's not in the same room then she feels awkward.

**Nishu** · 10-27-2008, 10:32 PM

My 2 oldest started sleeping together during their dad's last deployment. It worked out most of the time, but eventually they started talking and playing and I couldn't get them to sleep. Then my youngest would fall asleep just fine, but my oldest would be up until midnight, no joke. I'd walk past her room at 11:30 and she'd holler out the door and ask me some crazy question about whatever she had been thinking about. She always said that she couldn't stop thinking about things.

Eventually I started giving her a small dose of melatonin. I know it sound crazy because she's so young, but the research is pretty solid. A friend of mine gave it to her kids on her pediatricians recommendation. I thought she was crazy until my own daughter started having sleep problems. Life has been so, so much better since we started giving it to her.

I know it's not what you were asking, but your oldest daughter sounds so much like mine I thought I'd share. There is no such thing as a child that doesn't need to sleep, imo.

**nvmommyx6** · 10-28-2008, 12:45 AM

We have 6 kids, 5 at home now, and they share 3 bedrooms!
The oldest DS14 has his own room, then the 2 other boys 7 and 13 and the girls 9 and 12

I would sit her down and explain to her that as soon as she stops those undesirable actions and proves she can be mature enough to be "the example" for the other children, explain to her how hard it will be if she teaches them to stay up all night and what turmoil it causes everyone when she does so!
Explain to her how cool it is being the oldest and haveing her siblings mimic and idolize her and get her to want to take on a more mature look at things!!

I use a structured points system here with mine, and until I started that, well, lets just say, I would not be sitting here typing this enjoying my tea right now!!!

**elphie** · 10-28-2008, 11:11 AM

My dh shared a room with his sisters all through high school. I think its okay for boys and girls to share a room and I would definately consider either giving the 9yo her own room or having her share with little brother since I'm guessing he has a much earlier bed time and since toddlers are nearly impossible to wake from a deep sleep he will sleep through her comings and goings. I'd also get her a book light and let her know that she can read in bed if not tired but that's it. Would a curtain work for a door for the den? Dh and his sisters only had a sheet covering the door of their shared room, invest in headphones if she likes to listen to music. If it is her permenant room w/ her bed moved in there shouldn't be issues of comfort.

**tmffv** · 10-29-2008, 12:07 AM

My main concern would be the length of time it will be before there will be more rooms for everyone. Some things that seem like a reasonable or easy fix right now maybe a huge headache in the future. The oldest is 9 and it seems like giving her a room by herself would clear up some immediate problems, but what about your other children when they get older? Eventually everyone is going to want there own room and it really isn't fair that the oldest will have one and not the others. That, I imagine, would be a bigger headache to deal with then your current situation. Seesm like in the long run, it would be easier just to keep the kids paired up (in whatever way works best). But I guess I take this from my own experience growing up with 3 sisters and 2 brothers. Everyone shared a room until the 2 oldest moved out.

**warramra** · 10-29-2008, 08:22 AM

I spent the entire day yesterday cleaning out the kids' areas in the house, ugh. DH and I talked Monday night and cannot seem to get on the same page regarding moving people around. It came to me why, I look at bedrooms as not just sleeping areas but personal sanctuaries too. It is a place to go and do things alone and get away from the hub-bub of life in the house. To DH a bedroom is a place to sleep.

Last spring when Dd9 was pushing for more space we found a twin bed on freecycle and went through the exercise of creating her own corner in the shared bedroom, including a desk and storage area for her collections. Even splurged and let her pick out a framed poster for her "area." I reminded her of this and explained to her, once again, that she needed to find her own way of coping with sharing as a new bedroom just wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I will help her brainstorm ideas, but she has to also make an effort.

Cleaning out the rooms helped to alleviate some of the drive to do major room switch arounds. I emptied out ds' room and ripped out the carpet (hardwoods under) like I had planned for when he moved out of the crib. While it was empty I tried to figure out someway to move dd9 in there, but the small space just doesn't allow for it.

In the girls' room I took out the large play castle that no one seems to play with anymore. Just having that out makes the whole room look a lot more streamlined.

And finally, we are going back to staggered bedtimes. We've always had them but have had a hard time in practice. DH is going to help with it and make sure that the other kids are not getting rowdy and wound up while I'm doing the bedtime thing with one of the younger ones. Getting everyone settled down and quiet before bedtime is something we all really need to work on in the house.

Thanks again everybody. I appreciate all the input. I'm sure I will need to re-read this thread again in the future.