I'm So Mad, I'm Stuttering!!!!!!!

**Leiloni77** · 10-29-2002, 01:47 PM

Okay girls, I really need some help here. I've got a situation that needs resolving. Let me give you some background first...

Okay My Brother Scott is getting married next month. He is in the Marine Corps and lives in Virginia. He has been living with his fiancee Jamie, and her parents Val and Paul, since about February.

Anyway, Scott is my only brother, and my best friend. So obviously I want to give him the best gift possible. Plus our Mom died when we were teens so, she can't be there for him that day.
I was talking to him about my car, and he gave me some website ideas. I asked him if he was surfing as well, and he told me the computer they were using was a P.O.S. and listed a bunch of problems. Then a light went on.. I will give them a new computer!! Wow, a functional gift, something for us to keep in touch with, and a big enough present that I would feel good about taking care of him on his big day. That was about oh.. three weeks ago.

Two weeks ago, I called Val (his future MIL) and gave her some flight info and blah blah blah. I also told her what I was getting Scott and Jamie for their wedding and that I would probably be shipping it before hand so I didn't have to lug it on the plane.
That would kind of ruin the surprise if I show up with a computer box and they pick me up LOL....
So she said that was fine and we hung up.

YESTERDAY when I get home from work I got a message on the machine, and it was Jamie. Here it is: " Hi Melissa, It's Jamie, I really need to talk to you. It's about the whole computer thing. You see my parents bought one for us and their still making payments on it. I hope I got you before you spent all that money, it would just be a slap in the face to her (Val) if you gave us a computer and she was still paying for one. Anyway, talk to you soon BYE"

Okay, this is why I am MAD:
1. Why didn't her mother tell me that two weeks ago on the phone when I told her about my idea for a gift? That would have given me time to think of another gift.
2. She TOLD Jamie about it. Why?
3. Why did Jamie have to call me? Why not her.. oh man I am pissed.
4. Jamie is in the middle, and I don't want to talk to her about it, if my brother wants a new computer, that's what he will get. But I don't want to talk to him about it, because I'll put him in the middle.
5. It feels like High School Crap. Come on we're all adults here.

Help me ladies.. how do I go about this and not feel or sound like an A**hole?

In any case, thank you all a bunch for listening...

Melissa

**rhiana** · 10-29-2002, 01:57 PM

Melissa, we have several computers in our house. We have 8 people in the house and every adult has their own computer, even my husband and I each have our own. I can't imagine trying to share one with him. We would never get to get on when we needed to because the other person would be on it. Could you possibly give the computer to just your brother, and his wife could keep the one her parents bought? Then your brother would have his new computer and she could have hers. I know this may not be the norm in all houses so it might not be a solution but it's the only one I could think of. Even my brother and his wife, who are attached at the hip, are having problems shareing a computer, they're always arguing about who gets to be on it when, they're planning on asking for an additional one for Christmas from my parents so they don't have to share.
Since the secret seems to be out and I'm sure your brother already knows, can you call him and let him know you already bought the computer and ask him if you can still give it to him?
Rhiana

**mylittle4** · 10-29-2002, 02:00 PM

ooh stuck between a rock and a hard place. Your trying to do a great thing for your brother and if you go through with it they are going to make you look bad. Have they told Scott about the computer? If not I would go ahead and get it. I myself can't think of a much better functional gift for the newlyweds other than maybe 1st months rent for an apartment to get them out of what sounds like a controling woman's house. On the other hand you don't want hard feelings to cloud your brothers day. Go ahead and be mad I would be too. Let us know what you decide we are for you.

**gw72356@fullnet.com** · 10-29-2002, 03:20 PM

How about a Gift Certificate to a place that sells computers as well as other things(with the mention of a new computer to him on the sly after it is opened

) That way you aren't in the middle of a mess and can leave the decision to them!

**mgory29379** · 10-29-2002, 03:32 PM

I totally agree. You could give the present to him and explain it before hand to Jamie so she is well aware of what you plan on doing. And let's face facts you won't have to see his in-laws that much so what can they do not speak, oh well. Better for you then. She should've said something to you and cause she didn't then poo on her.

**Leiloni77** · 10-29-2002, 04:04 PM

Thank you so much for the support. I just got off the phone with my Dad, and he told me that he offered to pay for half of the wedding and got the same "she will feel slapped in the face" response... what is it with these people??? Dad said, he's your brother, you love him.. give him the gift you want. They are already using the computer that MIL bought for them.. that's the POS!! Plus SO (Jay) and I have two computers at home.. and we play internet games together... so much fun.

Anyway, we're going give the computer to Scott (nice suggestion, thank you) and then maybe a gift certificate for one of the stores on the registry to Jamie.

but.......I'm still pretty mad.

Thanks again ladies for all your help.

**aylasmommy** · 10-29-2002, 04:35 PM

I just wanted to agree with rhiana, dh and I both have our own computers we use..he plays games or does his timesheet/finances on the computer while I relax and surf the board

It makes life a lot easier having more than one computer

But I agree, that was really bad communication on Vals part

**rhiana** · 10-29-2002, 05:18 PM

Glad you figured it out. I definitely thing it's more important to keep you brother happy than his in-laws...

Hope it all works out...
Rhiana

**milach** · 10-29-2002, 09:56 PM

Your brother's soon to be MIL sounds like a real control freak. She probably insists on paying for everything herself so she can hold it over everyone's head and make everyone kiss her ass. Obviously, she has her daughter wrapped around her fingers.

Anyways, since your brother thinks the computer she bought is a pile of crap- I bet he'd love his own computer. I'd give it to the both of them as a couples present, since that will be kinda pricy. Next thing you'll hear MIL gripe about is you spent more money on your brother than her daughter and blah blah. You shouldn't have to buy a his and hers gift to keep MIL happy. Afterall, the day will be all about your brother and his new wife- not her mother.

I think you have a great idea and you have my vote to go for it. Don't let this lady control you too.

Laura

**Leiloni77** · 10-29-2002, 10:46 PM

Thanks Laura...

I just got off the phone with Scotty....
He told me he didn't have the whole story.. Apparently MIL told Jamie and Scott about it, and told them it was their responsibility to fix it and tell me not to buy it!!!!

Dude! So Scott knows the situation and is grateful for the gift. He was apologizing profusely, and I told him it wasn't his fault.
I needed him to know what was going on and that her getting slapped in the face isn't my priority.. he is.

OH GIRLS... I feel so much better... at least my other surprise isn't ruined. My cousin Jeanette is flying out from Wisconsin. Scotty hasnt seen her in 9 years and she is the only relative on my mothers side that we would talk to!!! She will be with us when he comes to pick us up... WHAM!!!

Thanks again for all the help!!!!! I appreciate it.

**MJsLady** · 10-30-2002, 08:48 AM

I would agree to give them a pc anyway, to your db or both doesnt matter. Her mothers problem is just that. HER problem, not yours, Scott's or Jaimie's.
We have 4 working pcs here and its jsut dh me and our sons.
We have a LAN connection, no reason why your db can't do the same!

PS I hope your new sil doesn't lett mama control her so much when it becomes Scott's job!

**MANDERS** · 11-13-2002, 11:04 AM

I'm glad your giving it to them.I think mil should've called you and not blabbed about what you were giving them.It was going to be a surprise.Just next time you send something jsut say I'm sending a package for them and it can't be open till this date.Tell her the exact opposite of what you are sending and then when she complains about that then you won't feel so bad.