I had to talk to my DD about her weight *UPDATE

**mustang80** · 11-07-2002, 07:26 AM

My DD2 is overweight, she weighs as much as her older sister. Part of it is genetics, but I find candy wrappers in the wash, etc. I've been avoiding this subject with her, as she is sensitive and I don't want her to think I'm calling her fat.

Yesterday I got a letter home from school that after recent height and weight measurements, her weight is over 95% of what it should be.

I sat down with her and had a heart to heart-mom crying through most of it. She agreed that she needs to be more conscious of what she is eating and needs to exercise. She is willing to talk to the doctor about a low fat, low cholesterol diet on her next checkup. It went well, although I felt horrible addressing this with her, but I explained her health could be affected, like diabetes which runs on both sides of the family.

Any suggestions for helping an 11 year old cut back? It's so hard with parties, and McDonalds, and we just had Halloween, but when she gets into high school, her weight is going to be an issue. I also think she will have problems with basketball this year.

Thanks for listening, I needed to get this off my chest.

**Rhonda** · 11-07-2002, 07:49 AM

I know that really was hard for you. My DD was a bit overweight at that age. She's now 13, has grown a few inches and has cut back on what she eats. When we shopped for jeans this year, she had to get a size smaller than what we purchased last spring. Just give your DD healthier food choices, and lots of encouragement. Best wishes!

**AmyBoz** · 11-07-2002, 08:40 AM

Danielle, A friend of mine just recently went through this with her daughter, although she waited until her daughter was a freshman in college, so good for you for not putting it off! One thing that they decided to do was each night go for a walk together. It's exercise, but it was also some special mother-daughter time together. Then, as the shopper for the family, my friend just made sure that she didn't buy any junk in the house, but filled it up with healthy alternatives for snacking. It may work, it may not, but you've addressed it, and I think that is wonderful!

**captclearance** · 11-07-2002, 08:42 AM

Danielle, I know what you are going through. I have an 11 year old dd with weight problems too...... It's a constant struggle, I have talked to her about her health and it is a difficult thing.... It's hard enough to diet when your grown let along when your a kid,
she is 5 ft tall and weights 160 pounds.. She is not as good in sports and P.E. as she wants to be.... we got her a good exersize bike at the curbside mall and she worked out on it a lot at first, now I have to remind her. I watch what she eats , I tried not giving her any treats and I found wrappers in my washer too, and under her bed ect...... She has to be at least riding at a slow pace when she is watching TV..... I am frustraighted !!!! I don't want to push too hard, she already has self image issues..... It's hard !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just try to help where I can and encourage her as much as I can...

**Michelle** · 11-07-2002, 08:52 AM

{{HUGS}} Danielle, no words of advice here--you had a tough task to do, and it sounds like you pulled through just fine. I think you should be commended for caring enough to do something that you were uncomfortable with for the sake of your dd and her health. Good luck.

**doodlebug** · 11-07-2002, 07:44 PM

I became overweight when I was 10 and hit puberty, craved junk foods(carbs) and the weight piled on over the years, never had the energy to exercise. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS which was pretty likely the reason I have had weight problems and craved the carbs so bad. Your dd is at the puberty age and maybe this is something that you could ask your doctor about just to be sure. Symptoms are different with every woman but the overweight, too tired to exercise, food cravings are PCOS symptoms as well as irregular periods, and several other symptoms can affect some women. PCOS can lead to diabetes, infertility, endometriosis as well as have an effect on self-esteem.
Please pm me if you would like some website links or if I can answer any questions(I'm not an expert on this, I was only diagnosed August this year, but I wish that I had been diagnosed years ago, would have made life much better for me) The doctors have become very aware of this syndrome over the past few years.

Hugs to you and your dd, weight is a very sensitive issue but it sounds like you and your dd are very close and able to talk about things.

**mgory29379** · 11-07-2002, 08:06 PM

Danielle, I really understand what you must be going through is rough. And I envy you for having the courage to do this for her. My neighbor weighs over four fifty hundred pounds and her two kids 9 and 10 years old weigh 150 and 160 respectivly. They are also short. The get teased so bad and the doctor has tried to talk to her and the kids about it but she refuses to do anything. I think that it is great that your are trying to help your daughter and I give you a round of applause for being a wonderful mother and also a friend to your daughter. I knot that it must have been hard for you and bless you for having the strength.

**heaven** · 11-07-2002, 09:35 PM

I have one of those daughters too the oldest keiko. she is so overweight, it is really hard for her. she has always been heavy. *size 22 when she went back to maine in May* my mother almost died to see she had gained so much. Her doctor told her for ever 10 lbs over wieght you are you have to pump an extra pint of blood thru your system. It is really hard, but if she sees you are serious and not calling her fat but you are concerned than she will learn to cut back. that is it don't make her stop the junk. *she will still do it. and actually if she is like the rest of us she will do it more.* maybe you can exercise with her. I know that is my biggest problem. Have you had her thyriod checked to make sure there is nothing wrong there? My daughter is fine just really heavy. Good luck.

**Jerseygirl** · 11-07-2002, 09:53 PM

Sweetie-as the fat kid, I wish my mother would have put a stop to my poor eating habits. I grew up in a home where the most family excersise there was is shopping. I was always chubby, but active-after a huge orthopedic issue (6 months in a wheelchair and 12 surgeries in 10 years) my weight had doubled. I wish she had pulled me aside and put her foot down, I would be 1/2 the woman I am today! literally! You did good.

**grneyegrl** · 11-07-2002, 10:04 PM

i feel for you.i am obese myself..but what u could try doing is find out what is bothering your daughter ..is may be in pain..actually i thing she is and is using food for comfort..try to find an activity she likes and is good at..what i did was sign up for a quilting class..so instead of eating in front of the tv..i got out of the house after work..also see if there is a group that has kids like her ..she can make new friends and hang with them..

good luck..i know how hard it is..

**mustang80** · 11-07-2002, 10:20 PM

Thanks, ladies for all of your kind words and encouragement.

She's been eagerly looking over the Weight Watchers points info that we have. I will talk to the doc about thyroid, that's something I had in mind too. She wants to change her habits so she can look and feel better.

**aylasmommy** · 11-08-2002, 11:53 AM

Make it a family effort, like someone mentioned, exercise as a family, as well as cutting out the mcdonalds as a family. If you need fast food can you do subway, or even wendy's, and get salad and baked potato..or even if mcdonalds has a salad that doesn't come drenched in dressing already..there is usually always a healthy choice. Like instead of soda, get water..oH Taco Bell, is another good choice I think..IF you stick to the simple menu items..like a simple bean and cheese burrto, or the tostatda..but stay away from anything that says grande, mucho, nacho, or pizza ..even the 7 layer burrito would best be had without the cheese and sourcream...(or are you doing mystery shops at mcdonalds? if so then still stick to the healthiest items as possible for her)

Next halloween, get 'healthy' candy lol i know, oxy moron..but try getting just the non chocolote and non fattening kinds..so like hard candy's and tootsie rolls...But still don't get much more than you know you'll give away..

parties you can feed the family healthy food right before you go, tell her she can have a peice of cake but try to not eat the frosting? I dunno that's a hard one since birthdays always seem so carefree..

But mainly, make sure that she is not the only one at home who has to eat 'the healthy food', make it a family effort..

salsa can go a long way as far as flavoring and without much calories or any fat..that can work for baked potato's in place of butter and sourcream,on eggs(and when giving her eggs, cut the yolk out completely, or at least in half), in place of cheese in a burrito, or on top of beans etc...

try getting the baked chips, make your own french fries by baking them at home ..One key is to not deprive her totally..just like when we diet

Get her the Healthy Choice brand of ice cream..i swear i can't tell anything is missing

Or if that's not her thing, how about sorbet for dessert, it has no fat, but it sure is good!

Give her hearty healthy breakfasts that will last her through the day(oatmeal, cream of wheat, peanut butter on whole grain toast, etc..)..and give her some type of snack that she can munch on at school, instead of a candy bar...Even just a baggy of cereal..(i hope it's ok for her to do that at school though)

have carrot and celery sticks at home in the fridge, and make it the easiest thing to grab ..(or something equally healthy you know she would eat)

Good luck!

**blueknitter** · 11-08-2002, 12:51 PM

My DD is 11, 5'2" tall and 138 pounds. My maternal parent keeps after her for being "big", and I've got to keep a handle on my temper because of it. DD and I have talked about it on numerous occasions, and she feels like she looks great, has confidence in herself, and just wants to be healthy. She's already hit puberty, as well as being expected to grow to over 6ft tall by the time she's an adult. It's frustrating to me to see an obviously healthy child be harassed for being big when she's preparing for a huge growth spurt, though I know I would have taken more of a stand with her if she were truly "big."

I just wanted to commend you for taking the initiative to talk to her and focus on her health, and not her weight. That's something that my DD has said time and time again, that she likes that we talk about her being healthy, not big.

**KathiS** · 11-11-2002, 03:33 AM

I have had a weight problem big time from age 12. Part of the problem, for kids today, is that they can't just go out and ride their bike or run around the neighborhood like we did as kids. It just isn't safe these days. I might have had a weight problem sooner but, I was always on the go as a child. I agree with the gals above. It is a tough situation. Keep the junk out of the house. I have diabetes now and I wished I had learned to eat better as a kid. Try to help you DD find some interest that will get her moving. Maybe let her cook healthy meals with you. Also, is there a support group for children who are overweight? That might really help her as well. Good luck to both of you. God bless and keep us posted.

**mustang80** · 11-11-2002, 07:28 AM

I just wanted to update you! I've got DD following the Weight Watchers points program. She started on Friday, and is enjoying adding up her points. We went to the produce outlet and loaded up on lettuce, veges, and fruit. I've been measuring everything for her and so far she's doing great! She's having fun with it, it's not a deprivation thing. She packed a salad today with fat free dressing, some cutup honeydew and 2 graham crackers. Cutting out the junk is going to be the key for her, she's a junkie! Thanks for all your kind thoughts and words. Keep praying for her to do well!