Please may I vent?

Dutchie · 03-23-2009, 07:55 AM

My (adult) kids are driving me nuts.

As I mentioned in another thread, my oldest son is getting married in Sept. He was on vacation in Africa till Sat. with his fiancee.
He came to visit yesterday without her and was all broody (for lack of a better word). I asked of course what was the matter. Nothing really he said and then left. I keep wondering what could be wrong but if he won't say anything then I can hardly pull it out of him but it still worries me a bit. KWIM?

Second son - I also posted about this a while ago. We are having to support him financially (very tough on our finances) but we have discovered that he is neglecting himself by not changing clothes to save on detergent, not buying/eating healthy foods etc. Well you get the picture. We had a talk with him about this at the weekend and said to him that if he doesn't get a full time job by mid-April then he will have to move back with us (he is working when he can but it is very iffy at the moment). He doesn't want to do this and we don't want to have to resort to this but there is actually no alternative at the moment. In all honesty he is looking very hard for a job, but they have to be there to get.

3rd son is burning the candle at both ends and thinks it strange that he doesn't have the energy to get things done (study at the university and part time work).

4th son landed at the ER on Friday night/Sat. because he tried to pull apart one of his friends and some idiots who were picking a fight.
Our son (of course) got the stitches in his hand and the concussion.
We were called at 3 am Sat. morning by our nephew who told us that they were in the hospital and would we come and get our son.
(One funny note -well at the time it was funny - after he had answered the phone DH started to complain loudly about the 4 sons. How come we have such idiots for sons??? This went on (and on) for a few minutes. Ah well you had to be there.)
Regarding youngest son, we were both worried and angry. Worried of course by what had happened and angry because the next time, the guys looking for a fight could have knives/guns with them.
We said this to him but he said he would not let one of his friends be beaten up by idiots.

Our youngest child and only daughter - 18 years old - doesn't (for now) give us any problems and works hard at her studies and part time job.

I just needed to get all of this off my chest, so to speak.
If you want to react please do, but be kind.
I know that they are adults and I know that they should be able to stand on their own two feet but ..........KWIM?
They wonder why my hair is grey LOL!!!!!

AnnK · 03-23-2009, 08:13 AM

Seeing how mine are only 7 and 3 I don't know that I can offer much more then a big hug.

The oldest must have had a personal tiff with fiancee and didn't really want to disuse it with his mom. STOP worrying about it.

The one who is in financial trouble , well now that's a real problem. If things are so tight that he is not doing laundry to save money, tell him to do laundry at your house. I feel badly for him, I really do. So many people are in his spot right now. A dear friend of mine just had her 24 yr old son move back home. It will be hard and take some adjustments but that's just what you do for family.

Great big hugs , take a deep breath.. This too shall pass

Lady_V · 03-23-2009, 08:23 AM

Vent away... my one and only is turning 9 in May so I can't say I know what you are going through, but I can give an ear (or eye as the case may be)

You are welcome to move to my private island... we're still working on communications though...

Siebrie · 03-23-2009, 09:48 AM

They're all growing up, and this is part of it.

Are you sure you would want one son back home? He might not leave again.... This seems to be the trend for young adult males in the Netherlands at the moment.

Dutchie · 03-23-2009, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Siebrie

They're all growing up, and this is part of it.

Are you sure you would want one son back home? He might not leave again.... This seems to be the trend for young adult males in the Netherlands at the moment.

Yes, I know - kind of like the movie Failure to launch.
I have to admit that I am not jumping for joy at the thought of having him back home either, but what can you do.

Dutchie · 03-23-2009, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady_V

Vent away... my one and only is turning 9 in May so I can't say I know what you are going through, but I can give an ear (or eye as the case may be)

You are welcome to move to my private island... we're still working on communications though...

This is so funny. I was just talking with a dear girlfriend about moving to a private island without communication.
However there would be a free five star hotel there for us.

Now I know the person who is building the island lol.
Count me in.

Patty A · 03-23-2009, 10:19 AM

Dutchie I so understand! My son just moved home a couple of months ago. Its hard having grown kids back home, but like I said, I couldn't live with myself to put him out on the street!

I wish I had answers for you, and believe me I have been searching for them for awhile. All I can say is do what you have to, make the kid move home, it will at least save YOU from worring about how to deal with bills for two homes!

I know many people say that when the kids are grown you let them figure it out for themselves, and that would be great if it was easy. But when it comes down to it, as a mom you can't let your kids live on the street! Being a mom you look out for your kids, and it doesn't matter what age they are, they are still your children! The only advise I can offer is go with your instincts......a mother gut never leads her wrong!

Hang in there, I know it isn't easy....... you gather them up, and hope for the best.....

Dutchie · 03-23-2009, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patty A

Dutchie I so understand! My son just moved home a couple of months ago. Its hard having grown kids back home, but like I said, I couldn't live with myself to put him out on the street!

I wish I had answers for you, and believe me I have been searching for them for awhile. All I can say is do what you have to, make the kid move home, it will at least save YOU from worring about how to deal with bills for two homes!

I know many people say that when the kids are grown you let them figure it out for themselves, and that would be great if it was easy. But when it comes down to it, as a mom you can't let your kids live on the street! Being a mom you look out for your kids, and it doesn't matter what age they are, they are still your children! The only advise I can offer is go with your instincts......a mother gut never leads her wrong!

Hang in there, I know it isn't easy....... you gather them up, and hope for the best.....

Thank you.
(((((HUGS)))))

cissylu · 03-23-2009, 10:51 AM

Dutchie just remember we are here for you. You do what you have to do.

Dutchie · 03-23-2009, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cissylu

Dutchie just remember we are here for you. You do what you have to do.

Thank you so much.
(((((HUGS)))))

Debbie-cat · 03-23-2009, 11:45 AM

I think you are being awesome with all the support you have been giving them. Just because they are adults doesn't mean they still don't need your unconditional love and support. Obviously they know you will give it to them. I would be the same way in your situation.

Don't worry about the grey hair...you have earned each and every one of them!

Patty A · 03-23-2009, 12:35 PM

Its the old saying, "while kids are little....they are little problems. When kids are BIG, they are big problems!" You have to remember even as kids grow up they are still your kids, that fact never changes. Moms never stop being mom, and Dads never stop being Dad, unconditional love is just that, no conditions attached.

They don't call this group of kids the "Boomerang generation" for nothing.
Times are hard, and kids sometimes need that helping hand. Thank God they have a home to go home to!

mzpepper · 03-23-2009, 01:23 PM

No advice just a hug

suki · 03-24-2009, 11:57 AM

ahhhh... the joys of parenting!

LuvMyHubby · 03-28-2009, 12:19 PM

I'm sure it will get better.

Your kids all sound like genuinly good people and right now one has finance problems but they will get better and if he has to move back for a short time, I don't see anything wrong in it.

Your oldest may have just had a spat with his SO and just needed cool off time/mom time and wasn't really needing advice or help (although I know it is worrisome).

Aren't adult kids wonderful?? (they really are).

Look at it this way your unconditional love of them now will in turn be their unconditional love and care of DH and yourself when you could need it most someday.

Good luck to you in the interim.