My mom is driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!

**MANDERS** · 11-13-2002, 11:21 AM

OK need some great advice here.Let me first start out by saying that since i was 8 my mother hs made my life a living hell!We(me and dsis)grew up in a pig pen.Just imagine about 50 bags of trash dumped out all over hte house.Now I'm on my own and have been for the past 6 years.My dsis still lives with my mom and the house is still the same.My sis has been diagnosed when interstistial cystitis a condition of the blader which was most likely caused by the enviroment she lives in.(oh yeah shes 19)Well she has had it for only 4 months and has not been able to work(daycare)or go to school.And in the past month has been real depressed and everything.My mom and her fight all the time yada yada yada.Now for my problem

Anyways I invited my sister to come stay with us for a couple of months to clear her head and rest.Well my mom found out and called just to talk and dh comes in and is upset cause i'm on the phone in the kitchen and he's trying to watch tv.We had maybe a 2 min argument and my mom said i gotta go and hung up.I'll called her back and said what was that for and she said she doesn't want to be the cause of our marital problems!I said i don't have any marital problems and jsut because 2 people have and argument doesn't mean they have marital problems.Anyways I talk to my sister yesterday and she is staying with a friend.I just happend to ask if my mom had said anything about our conversation(she tries to turn things around to make the other person look bad)SHe said yeah she said my mom said that you may not want to got stay with them cause they are having marital problems and it is a hostile enviroment and i don't think its going to last another 6months.AHHHHH!What in the hell gives her the right to go tell the world that I'm having marital problems when I'm not,even if I was its not any of her buisness.Oh part of me just wants to tell her where to stick it.I have been threw so much and cannot keep dealing with this crap.My mom needs serious medication and is a manic depressant and I just feel like telling her if she doesn't get help I won't talk to her no more cause I can't keep putting my self or my family threw this.i have my own family to deal with and can't keep dealing with this much longer.I'm telling you girls i'm about to loose it.

**mylittle4** · 11-13-2002, 12:31 PM

Similiar situation with me. I moved 150 miles. Best thing I had ever done till she followed me. I say don't talk to her atleast for a little while. I know she's your mom, but stress is a horrible thing and can do horrible things to a person. I know it's awful to feel like you need to run away from home when you are a grown person. The holidays are coming and it is a time to rejoice and be happy try to get this frustration out of your life even if you have to hurt her.

**captclearance** · 11-13-2002, 06:15 PM

I wish I had some real advise for you Amanda.... Sometimes you have to seperate yourself from situtaions you can't handle or change....I know your own family comes first with you.....

**Darlene** · 11-13-2002, 07:33 PM

I have found peace of mind by repeating this mantra~~people have to treat me and mine with respect or they will not be part of my life. It is not an easy thing to do but the inner peace you and your loved ones can get from it is so liberating. No more games,fights or manipulations. Mom will find something else to do.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but been there, done that.

**Jerseygirl** · 11-13-2002, 07:50 PM

Let your heart tell you what you need to do. You took step one by leaving that environment to begin with, you will know what your next step is when it's time to take it. Good luck.

**homesteadmamma** · 11-13-2002, 07:54 PM

No advise here but I am sending lots of warm thoughts and big {{{{hugs}}}}. cj

**lucy979** · 11-14-2002, 02:30 AM

I agree with everyone. If you stay away from your mom for awhile she won't have any ammo to throw back at you. It will probably be hard but worth it in the end. I am here for you as are all the other ladies here!

**heaven** · 11-14-2002, 11:37 AM

I know that even though staying away from your mom is probably a good idea. that is the hardest thing to do. I have finally learned to have a mother/daughter relationship with my mother, she yells and i finally hang up. I think the greatest thing about this is that i can get off that phone and yell and scream. I have been told countless time from people who don't understand me, all i have to do is hang up the phone. Never do though. Sorry Amanda, i know you wanted advice and i am rambling. GOOD LUCK Sweetie.

you will know what you can and are willing to do. just having the courage to do so.

**pammywammyv** · 11-14-2002, 03:02 PM

Amanda - We must be sisters, too! :smile: I recently learned through therapy that my mom has major problems (which I knew)and it's best if I just stay away from her. I haven't talked to her in almost 4 mos and it's been the most peaceful time in my life! I didn't have an easy childhood either and had to work through all that...BUT I realized that my mom doesn't have the right to treat me that way, I CAN stay away from her and it's OKAY, and no matter what I do, SHE WILL NOT CHANGE! I have to change my ways, which I've been working on. I would say just drop it and keep your distance, nothing you say or do will make it better, it will only get worse. Good luck! I'll be thinking of you!!!

**MANDERS** · 11-15-2002, 02:08 PM

Thank you guys for the great advice.Actually it was what I was looking for.My mom,sister and grandparents are coming out here for christmas and I'm dreading it.I think the only thing that is keeping my mind off of it is the remodeling of the house we are doing.Anyways I think after christmas I'll just keep it short and sweet and even now I kinda am.She called and wanted me to find my grandparents a room,bla bla bla and told me to cal a bunch of places so I did but did not call her back with the results,instead wrote her a letter and called my grandparents with the results.This way just incase dh and i might have a little spat she won't see it or here it.NOw lets just see how christmas goes.