haven't seen my uncle in around 20 yrs

**kimmy4433** · 07-16-2009, 08:22 PM

I have an uncle who was the cool uncle. Had two corvettes took my sister and i for rides all of the time. My mom and him and a falling out after my grandmother passed away in 1997. (not sure if it was over money, an affair on my uncles part, or what) but my immidate family (mom dad sister husband daughter and I) have not spoken to him since.

Now my mom is 1 of 9 children, and everytime there is a family gathering at his place the family tries to get us to go there, and if it is at our place they try to get him to come. We do not speak to his new wife, but his ex-wife I see every week at the bank and I still call her "aunt-jo" to me she is still family, only he is a dead-beat uncle!

Getting to my point now (sorry everyone knows I ramble

) I (and I kid you not) live 7 houses from him on the same street. I have lived here for 2 years, and nope not once even waved "hi". He is a retired mail man who now works as a meter reader and would not give my sister change for the meter (even though he was emptying them, he just ignored her) AND he use to come into the coney she worked at. First time he came in there she said to him "Hey Uncle "Cool" how are you?" his responce? "Who are you?" Now I know people change (especially my sister since she was only 13 when we stopped talking, and was about 20 at the time) but come on she still had blonde hair and looked like a "Potts"

My other uncle tried to get me to allow him to take my daughter to "cool" uncles for a graduation party. Nope I did not let her go. Why? Because he did not come to the wedding, nor did his children, and if he could not recognize my sister her would never recognize me!! Olivia does not even need to know she has an Uncle "cool" as far as I am conserned.

If we are at the same family gathering at some point. Maybe I will say hi and get a responce, but I dought it.

**Debbie-cat** · 07-16-2009, 08:38 PM

Your Dad has probably reached the stage in his life where he is letting bygones be bygones. He has forgiven your uncle for any wrongdoing he has done in his life and is probably just happy to see him in case he doesn't see him again for another 20 years.

I understand you are hurt and angry but I always address such a situation like this.... what happens if you never see him again because he is killed or dies. Can you live with yourself for not seeing him now. If you would have no guilt then you don't have to see him but if there is even a little inkling that you might be upset then try and do what your father is doing....forgiving him.

**Greebo** · 07-17-2009, 08:56 AM

I absolutely 100% disagree with your father's apparent opinion that he can order a grown woman around like this, daughter or no. I think that *if* you choose to see your Uncle, you should do so with the clear understanding on your father's part that you will do so ONLY if you choose, not cause he wants to boss you around.

But - that said - you haven't seen him in 20 years. You were a child at the time. You seem to be carrying some kind of grudge against him that he doesn't seem to have earned. Why the absolutely disinterest in seeing a relative? Because he didn't pay you all the attention you wished he had when you were a child? If that's the case, aren't you carrying out your own ultimatums of a sort against your uncle? "If you don't pay attention to me now I'll never speak to you again!" kind of thing?

**mom2bobsarah** · 07-17-2009, 09:10 AM

Here's my thoughts, first and foremost I have been one to not talk to members of my immediate family, so I get the angle of not speaking. I also understand that he has not really shown any interest in you, her is my possible take on the situation. It seems like your father is trying real hard to make this happen, the question is why? It appears that maybe your uncle is holding a grudge of some sort against your father and therefore not interacting with all of you. Or he really just doesn't care. Maybe you could ask your father why this is so important that he is basically dragging your uncle kicking and screaming, does he feel guilty for past actions? Just some things to think about. Sometims all isnot what it seems, he may not necessarliy be the "I don't care" uncle, he could be avoiding further hurt.

**Karen1** · 07-17-2009, 09:31 AM

Your holding onto kid ideas, kid worship, or "whatever"

People live there own lives, even within families!! You are holding onto some type of grudge that a kid would do.

I would meet him, say HI, brag how good life is and move forward with my life. Make your Dad feel proud, etc. etc. Even if you all don't meet, then still put this behind you!!!!

Why not? This is just not a real issue....it is from a kid point of view, but you aren't a kid anymore.

Anything between your Dad and his brother etc. is their business.

BUT---also this post is kinda vague. I don't know if there is more to it in general...probably that I am not seeing...........but from the post, get over it and say HI and move forward in life! To let something that happened 20 years ago affect you today is just holding onto to negative vibes.

hang in there and best of luck on what happens!!!

**LuvMyHubby** · 07-26-2009, 08:43 PM

Hmm, it is a tough one. If your dad isn't the type to be do it or else, there must be a specific reason that he really wants this. I guess, if were me that I would ask my dad why he is pushing so hard and then would tell him that I would stop by for a half hour or so but that I do have other plans in the afternoon. Stop by say hello, show off my beautiful family and prepare to make tracks. That way if something happens, you will have no regrets. If you should end up actually resolving some issue and having good time, you can always call off your afternoon "plans".