Teen w/job - Mom needs advice!

**Rhonda** · 11-22-2002, 07:39 PM

Ladies, I really need some advise. I have a 15 year old son who is working part-time (about 15 hours per week). He is very smart and is also on the Academic Team, Debate Team, and Science Quiz Bowl Teams at his high school. The Debate Team has a fee of $10 per debate. There are several per month. When he travels with the Academic Team, there are no fees. All of these teams go to competitions out of town, some are only for the day, some overnight. I pay all of the registrations fees. DH is on disability and I have applied for disability. We have lost our home in the past year and our income is way less than half of what it was before. What should I make my son pay for in regards to these trips? I think that since he has a job, he should pay for his meals if I pay for the trip. He doesn't agree - it is my job to feed him and since it is educational, also pay for the registrations fee. How have you all handled this type of situation. If you have working teens, what do you make them responsible for paying for in their life? Please help!

Thanks!

**heaven** · 11-22-2002, 07:48 PM

Okay here is my 2 cents. He either paid for the trips or he pays for his lunch. Yes you do have to support him but he works and should have to learn some responsablities. My child works too but she has to pay for her extra things she wants. I can't afford to pay for it all. YOU pay for housing, heat and clothing, he needs to learn that you will not always be there. Sorry i will get off now

JMHO

**captclearance** · 11-22-2002, 08:11 PM

I wouldn't think it was wrong for him to pay for everything under the present circumstances..... I think work builds character and it won't hurt him to pay for whatever you can't...... Life is full of realities and if you've put a roof over his head, fed him, clothed him, then you have done what is required...(financially)....The rest is just gravy...... It won't hurt him, maybe he will appreciate more how hard it is to do all the extra things......... TMHO

**heaven** · 11-22-2002, 08:14 PM

You can tell we are mothers. LOL

**grneyegrl** · 11-22-2002, 08:18 PM

i think he should pay for everything..i grew up in a single parent home and hated asking my mother for money..because money was tight and she had 3 in school to pay for..so i didnt tell her about every trip..just the ones i really wanted to go on...

considering the fact that your income is reduced, your son should step up to the plate and pay..

and why is he charged $10.. per debate..what gives

**Bevv** · 11-22-2002, 08:25 PM

Tell him that you do pay for his meals.. at HOME. If he wishes to eat out when he is on the trips, then he can pay for it. Otherwise he is free to pack meals from what you provide at home.

As for the fees and things like hotel rooms,if it was me I woould be asking him to pay for them too.

Have you had a discussion with him as to what your $$ income is, what your outgo is.. and what those $$ are going for as far as the whole family? If you explain that 10.00 for food for the trip means that you do not get a perscription you need for your health, he might understand better.

**Rhonda** · 11-22-2002, 09:18 PM

Thanks ladies...I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being unreasonable.

grneyegrl - The $10 per debate, I believe covers the debate entry fee and gas for the trip. The debates are always out of town. There are school funds to cover the Academic Team trips...but not Debate.

**heaven** · 11-22-2002, 09:41 PM

Your welcome. MOTHERS are never unreasonable!!!!!!!!!!!LOL

**milach** · 11-25-2002, 09:55 AM

I totally agree- he should pay ALL!! If he wants to be involved with all these extra curricular activites that cost money over and above what your tax dollars are already paying for- make it his responsibility.

I'm with you- if you have the extra money at the end of the month- sure, pay for the trips so he can save his money for a car when he turns 16, or whatever. But since this is not the case- your DH lost his job, you lost your house, that sould be a wake up call for your son that gee, there's no extra money. Or you can throw his arguement right back in his face (which is what I would do). Tell him "fine, yes it is my parental responsibility to provide you with room and board even while your away AND pay your registration fees since it's for school... so in order to pay for all that with our current financial situaltion, I'm cancelling the internet, cable tv, the phone (and especially any cell phones or pager he may have that he expects you to pay as well), his magazine subscriptions (you know- all those little extras he takes for granted)because all of that is NOT my parental responsibility to provide".

I'm sorry, if he likes to debate- that is one debate he would lose in this house. Kids get handed way too much anyways. He needs to realize the world doesn't owe him a dang thing. JMHO!

Laura