3rd and (hopefully) final part of fil drama

**Dutchie** · 11-22-2009, 02:45 AM

or is that asking too much?

I have been avoiding him for just over 1 week however there is no escaping today. It is his 81st birthday today (Nov. 22nd) and we will be going to wish him a happy birthday and having coffee and cake.

Regarding some of the questions. My fil takes so many meds. that I couldn't even begin to figure out whether there are contra indictations. He has to go to a neurologist every month for a check up (after his stroke last year - however this behavior dates from long before that). He couples this appointment in the hospital with his cardiologist and the vein specialist (don't know how this is called in English). So he is usually a whole day in the hospital each month.

My father in law has had trouble with his heart since he was 58 - he is now 81 today. I am sure that his medication pays a part in his behavior.
I even talked with my pediatric cardiologist neighbor (a wonderful lady) about my fil and she says that the meds could be part of the problem but that other things could also not be ruled out. It seems that her father started this way before he developed full blown alzheimers.
My fil also takes a lot of pain killers - among others - morphine (a LOT of it).

As I said in the previous post, my dh had promised to take him to the funeral of his best friend and because of the promise he did it.
However, funeral or not, dh was ready for him.
The person who stepped into the car was 180 degrees another person. Kind, cheerful and grateful for everything. He even said that I had given him a wake-up call and that he is grateful that he is still here and that things could indeed be worse. He said that he would try to be a better person and not let the moods get the better of him. WOW!!!
Dh came home and said that he wondered who the person in the car was and what had they done with his father. LOL

Anyhow, yesterday evening dh and I went out to dinner and were talking about today because we would both be there for his father's birthday. To put it mildly - I am a little nervous because each time I have seen him the last couple of times, he has been verbally laying into me regardless of who is present.
Dh has said that birthday or no birthday, his father had better behave himself because otherwise sparks will fly. DH has had it with this behavior and that his father will hear it in no uncertain terms.

Our kids were all there yesterday (we have to split the visit up for birthday visitors since it is otherwise too busy for them both). The kids said that he had started playing up a little but that they hadn't given him a chance to get into it.

If anyone is interested then I will post how it all goes today, later on.

Thanks once again for listening/reading - you have no idea how much it helps to get it written down.
Thank you also for all the kind comments and suggestions.
You have no idea how much they are appreciated.

**jamie79** · 11-22-2009, 02:35 PM

Update us. I want to know

**mauimagic** · 11-22-2009, 02:46 PM

Of course we want to know!!

**Imarachne** · 11-22-2009, 03:49 PM

Being with folks who are chronically ill can be challenging. Good luck and prayers for him.

**shoiji** · 11-22-2009, 04:11 PM

Hope things go better. Not a very easy position to be in.

**Luckybustert** · 11-22-2009, 07:07 PM

Hope things are going well for you!

**Greebo** · 11-23-2009, 08:40 AM

Glad to hear he's got a modicum of self-awareness- but don't be surprise if he backslides from time to time.

**NikoSan999** · 11-23-2009, 08:53 AM

Definitely post, keep us up todate

**Dutchie** · 11-23-2009, 09:11 AM

Well today is the 23rd and we went to the birthday party yesterday and to be quite honest it was OK.
My fil behaved himself well. (How ridiculous is it to have to say that?!)

Dh and I were there as were the oldest 2 sons of bil and one couple with whom they have been friends for more than 40 years.

At one point he asked me to come and sit next to him. I thought right away - OK here it somes. But he wanted to ask me something about his computer. Now he does this almost every time that I am in their neighborhood. You are probably wondering what's the problem.
Well he knows more about computers than I do (I am really, really computer challenged).
Then he asked something and I have literally no clue. I say to him, Dad, you are talking to the wrong person here, I have no idea.
'But you can help me though'.
No, Dad, I can't, I have no idea what you're talking about - please ask Dimmen (son 3 and computer genius)) he will be here tomorrow and he will know exactly what you want to know.
'Oh you are no help to me' he retorted (no I never am because I really don't know much at all but he continues to ask almost every time we are there.)
This was the only thing that was even slightly wrong.

I was exhausted when we came home (as was dh) but I am glad that he had a nice birthday. No one can ever take that away from him. Let's just hope that he stays in a good mood for a long time although I don't have many illusions.

Once again, thank you for all your good thoughts and the continual shoulder and ear.
They were very much appreciated.

**savvy_sniper** · 11-23-2009, 02:19 PM

IF he is suffering from some sort of dementia (Alzheimer's is just one type), it is very hard to deal with. Some times they are all there and other times they are not. Being argumentative is one of the signs. If it is dementia you are going to have to learn to "redirect" his thoughts. Whatever you do, arguing is a no win situation because in the mind of a person with dementia they are thinking perfectly clear.

Sorry you are dealing with this.

**McD** · 11-23-2009, 03:25 PM

Dutchie, do you think that was his way of 'clearing the air' with you without actually apologizing?

**bluedog** · 11-23-2009, 05:43 PM

I'm with the folks who think some sort of dementia--lengthy medical history with multiple meds are also probable contributors. I was a nurse for way too many years and put in a couple in a geriatric psyche unit and his swings sound very symptomatic of early dementia---might help you to look this up, along with what you can do to deal with his behavior which will get worse if this is in fact what is occurring. Best Wishes!!