DD9's teacher called - she is having trouble in school:(

**joyofsix** · 11-25-2009, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

ok,

this is going to sound kinda nuts but stay with me. caffeine.

caffeine will create the focus and energy you are looking for.

Totally agree!! I let my 8yo have some MT Dew about 9am and the other 1/2 of the can at about 2pm. It honestly helps him focus so we can get school work done. I was told this by another mom of an ADHD kid. She also told me that if it didn't have the desired effect then just stop. What's the harm? My ds is not diagnosed and would probably not be severe enough for Rx meds but this helps him. It also makes me wonder if that's why I'm a coffee addict

**ladykemma2** · 11-25-2009, 11:28 AM

good, i thought you were going to call protective services on me.

also the cod liver oil is well documented to help sluggish kids perform in school. the b-complex will give kids "sparkle"

**Daisygirl** · 11-25-2009, 11:28 AM

We are going to start the caffeine after school today - would a cup of tea work as well as coffee? I have a kettle at the store and can give her some as soon as she walks in the door!

Thank you thank you for all of the advice.

**ladykemma2** · 11-25-2009, 11:30 AM

tea should work nice and strong

**Daisygirl** · 11-26-2009, 12:30 PM

Well, two doses of caffeine down her - this morning she was a little bit more together (of course I was right on top of her to see to it that things got done). I really hope she has a better day at school today!

**MaryCarney** · 11-26-2009, 01:21 PM

I can't address the ADD stuff, but my thought (for what it's worth) is that if it takes 4.5 hours to muck out a room, and it turns around and gets in the same shape quickly is that she has TOO MUCH STUFF! That cannot be helping her focus. Sounds like she needs a very minimalist, streamlined environment.

**joyofsix** · 11-26-2009, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by MaryCarney

I can't address the ADD stuff, but my thought (for what it's worth) is that if it takes 4.5 hours to muck out a room, and it turns around and gets in the same shape quickly is that she has TOO MUCH STUFF! That cannot be helping her focus. Sounds like she needs a very minimalist, streamlined environment.

I didn't think about adding that as I was off on my caffeine bit but we did this for ds too. He has a bed, a table for his glasses and books, and one container of legos. He has clothes in his closet but only enough for a week. All my kids have minimalist rooms because too much stuff drives me crazy.

**Daisygirl** · 11-26-2009, 03:18 PM

Great ideas, Mary and Joyof6. I already told DD9 this weekend we will be going through and packing away the nonessentials. We will also be getting some storage containers that we can label for the things we are keeping.

**madhen** · 11-27-2009, 10:21 AM

All of the following is advice from someone without a child, so take it FWIW.

Rather than communicating via a notebook with her teacher, can you email each other? That way, the teacher might be more upfront about any issues she sees (since she knows your daughter won't be reading it), and she can also let you know about homework, if she is willing to put that much energy into keeping one child on track. (Don't know how big her class is and how many of them need individual attn, so asking her to email you the homework daily might be asking too much.)

This may sound a bit harsh, but as messed up as your life may be right now, it isn't about you. You chose to be a parent, so lucky you, you get to put your life to the side for the time being to make sure that your daughter succeeds. If you can't overcome your desire to just let things slip, how can you ask her to do the same? And if you can't keep your house organized, you can't really ask her to keep her room clean, or her desk tidy.

I am not a very organized person either, but I don't have kids, so I can get away with it. My mother says I am too selfish to have kids, and she is kind of right. I don't want to put the effort into changing my life to make the right environment for a child.

I know what I'm saying is not going to be popular, and would require a superhuman effort on your part, but isn't that sort of what parenting is all about? Putting your own needs/wants aside to deal with those of your children?

You mention that you are too busy to clean her room every day. I am thinking, why are YOU cleaning her room every day? Maybe the two of you can do a small amount of picking up/putting away every day. Make a routine of it, so she knows that it is going to happen daily, but keep it short enough so it doesn't become a monumental chore for you both. I suspect a clean room that doesn't have Barbies laying about to distract her might help her focus on tasks at hand.

What I have seen with my sister, who had to struggle to get her son through school, was that routine and order were the most important things that kept him successful. He would lie about his homework, as well, and my sister started calling the school every day to find out what he had to do. She set up specific times for homework, and she sat there with him while he did it, not as prison guard, but as tutor and cheerleader. It never reached a point where she could trust him to do it on his own, but it reached a point where he stopped lying about his homework and stopped fighting the process.

**Daisygirl** · 11-27-2009, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by madhen

This may sound a bit harsh, but as messed up as your life may be right now, it isn't about you. You chose to be a parent, so lucky you, you get to put your life to the side for the time being to make sure that your daughter succeeds. If you can't overcome your desire to just let things slip, how can you ask her to do the same? And if you can't keep your house organized, you can't really ask her to keep her room clean, or her desk tidy.

You are absolutely correct.

I am completely aware I have been in my own bubble for the past 3 months, and it has seriously affected my child. You'll get no argument from me that I have not been the best parent to her lately. All I can do now is force myself to pull it together and hope I can undo the damage I have done to her.

Thank you for your suggestions.

**Daisygirl** · 12-01-2009, 05:39 PM

We have been doing the caffiene thing for several days now, as well as working on organization. I just wanted to share the note in DD9's organizer today:

"Rachel seems much more attentive, especially in the mornings. She also seems much happier. Keep up the good work, Rachel!"

I really feel the fact that mornings are even better for her means it is the caffeine that is helping her focus. It also doesn't hurt that Mommy has pulled her head out of her rear end and is trying to pull it together also.

I just wanted share and say thanks for all the useful suggestions!

**joyofsix** · 12-01-2009, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by Daisygirl

We have been doing the caffiene thing for several days now, as well as working on organization. I just wanted to share the note in DD9's organizer today:

"Rachel seems much more attentive, especially in the mornings. She also seems much happier. Keep up the good work, Rachel!"

I'm glad she's doing better. I hope things keep getting easier for you both (but we both know there's bad days, don't let them get you down)

**ladykemma2** · 01-31-2010, 05:41 AM

bump

update? how is it going?

**NewLeaf** · 01-31-2010, 10:18 AM

Karen, I am alot llike you. I have found that www.flylady.net really helped me get organized. It helped me set up a good routine. When I get off routine and things start to slide I go back to my home organizer or her website and start over. I tend to get overwhelmed by big jobs and do better when I "chunck" them like LK said. I tell myself - set the timer for 10 minutes and see how much you can get done. I am always surprised that the dishes got done so quickly when I thought it was such a monumental task (lol).I am an undiagnosed adder too.

My 14 yr old son is an undiagnosed adder. He has trouble like your younger daughter. His room, his homework, lack of focus. I can't tell you how many times I have heard him say "I forgot" when I send him to get something.

My 7 yr old is diagnosed w/ adHd (big H because hyperactivity is out of this world!!) We tried alot of natural approaches and behavioral approaches like LK suggested, but in the end he is on Focalin xr. He just couldn't go to school without it. It has made such a difference for him that he is now in the gifted program in the 2nd grade.

The key for my kids and me is routine. And like joyofsix said, less clutter.

I get some great info from www.adhdnews.com . Let us know how it goes. We are all pulling for you.