mother in law rant - will lead to questions

**sahm2boys** · 04-26-2010, 09:53 PM

concering the doxie..he is 10 years old..i was on contract today with a rescue but SUPPOSEDLY someone is taking him tomorrow. she wont miss him trust me.

yes she has mental problems and probably always has or at least for a very long time she is a nasty woman..really hasnt given me any trouble since i started helping but any drama she brings up i hand it over to the hubby..she likes attention to..example today My husband was fussing about the state of the house she turned it around to another sibling and told him we were taking the house from her...WTH?? DH called her on it...and she states that what he led her to believe...PLEASE! no he flat out told her get off her butt and let the dog out, pick up the crap and but some clothes on.

i only did this because no one esle would and i have respect for my husband..it took his dad in to late 40s to be able to buy a home and in the 4 months of his passing her and the no good son were loosing it..i never grew up with such a lowsy family or hateful home..cursed with some many bad habits..so i have no tolerance for it..and i really want to wash my hands of it after only 2 months into it..but i cant and i wont..just not that kind of girl i guess..and ill be nice with a smile on my face for as long as i can..but walking in and seeing her hiney in my face was out of this world.

i did get confirmation of $20 donations each month from 2 siblings..thats something

i think about how she wasted her life too..its very sad and i can understand why she is so messed up..all they did was drink and fight their entire marriage and the kids have all suffered all of them have issues..but she let her self go down that path and NEVER tried to change it..she sat at home in the bed while hubby was out and about blowing his paycheck on some hoochie..i just cant imagine that life and staying at home and doing nothing about it. i would have packed his stuff and cole cocked his a#$ when he came back home...=)

shes lies endlessly i feel like im dealing with my 5 year old...when he says his brother drew on the wall next to the light switch and i say now jayson, tyler cant reach that high...so want to tell me the truth and then another story with wild creatures comes out =)

i can walk in the house..its never locked and she would never know im there...i have to walk in and say hey a few times but then she never seems to have trouble hearing me after that. i know she lonely and i know she does miss her husband some..b/c she was getting weepying talk to me last week..but when i relayed what she said to her daughter that i hang out with its..that never happened..so i never know what to believe

she will call me with a list like this

toaster strudels - and ill say i just bought you two boxes 3 days ago and u sure...well i guess im good then
bread - ok i get there and there is 2 loafs sitting on counter infront of her room
dog food - she goes through alot i wonder if she is eating it
salami
bolonge - i just bought 2 bologne and 1 salami if your out of salami eat the bologne...na o need the salami
cigs - you'v got through 4 packs in a day and a half????? so the next time i bring them i tell her they should last 4-5 days and i dont get a call for that long but other people do and they have to call me and say why are you not taking her cigs...ugh! if you dont like it you do it..

i would love to call social service but im not sure i want that burden or to be the one responsible for reporting her..i dont want people coming back on me..but i havent wanted to call since Janurary.

i appreciate being allow to vent..i cant believe how long some of my post are..lol but im really so frustrated. she does say thank you and please...but its not real..

tomorrow is her bday i think ill take her some pants!...lol

**frugalfoster** · 04-26-2010, 10:40 PM

My Gosh Tammy...It seems things are going from bad to worse....How do you do it??? I loved the part about buying her pants for her birthday tho....that was hilarious!!! I agree that she may be suffering from depression...but there's a saying...if you don't like your life...CHANGE IT!!! She's not that old that she can't do just that! And you said she was supposed to be on oxygen??? How in the world is she smoking with that in the room??? That's not even safe!!! If she keeps it up she'll blow herself to kingdom come..... problem solved!!! Oops...sorry... Hang in there girl...I told you once that you were a better person than I...this is my repeat

Sorry if my sick humor offended anyone....

**McD** · 04-27-2010, 09:49 AM

Tammy--I just about snorted water out of nose! Buying her pants for her birthday, lol. I couldn't handle seeing my mother-in-law pantless. If I saw her that way, I'd tell her, "Sorry I see you weren't ready for me today. Call me when you are dressed and ready to go." Of course, that probably wouldn't work.....

In an ideal world, you wouldn't have to deal with this.

I understand not wanting to be the person to call social services. That could cause a lot of hard feeling and resentment between family. Do the other siblings realize the severity of the situation or do they just not care?

**cab54** · 04-27-2010, 10:11 AM

Wow, Tammy, you really have a doozy MIL there. Definitely mentally ill.

I won't complain about my MIL anymore. At least she keeps her pants on.

**krbshappy71** · 04-27-2010, 10:23 AM

Wow, I am so impressed you are taking this on.

I'd say NO CIGS. Let her put some pants on and get them herself. You should not be handing her the nails to her coffin. (well, ok if you smoke too you may not mind the cigs but as a non smoker I would NOT be providing that, that is not necessity)

I am so touched you are rehoming the dog. The poor thing has gone through enough losing its master, now to live in those conditions as well, ugh.

I would stop providing the junk food as well, it costs more and that is going to affect your own budget. Milk, eggs, bread. When people get hungry enough they will eat. (sorry I am speaking as a parent here to my own teen who tried to only eat junk food but now that there's no junk food is eating "real" food instead) Since you are having to act like her parent, treat her like the child she is behaving like.

You are a better person than I am, I would have called social services by now. You should not get backlash, you are reporting a situation that got out of hand and trying to get help for her. You are not her guardian, just a concerned family member. If you really don't want to call then I would see if you could start setting boundaries as others are suggesting. (i.e. call me when you are dressed completely, I am not comfortable seeing you undressed.)

Huge hugs to you, wow.

**sahm2boys** · 04-27-2010, 10:49 AM

getting her out the house to do something or go somewhere wont happen she wont do it..

im not a smoker but my husband is so i feel the same i think its a waste of money n health...yup she smokes and wears oxygen hoses up her nose with the tank beside her

she wont get up and cook something or even use the microwave..so she does sandwhiches i was sending food over but lately i havent cooked big meals. dh out of town. or calling in since we have been sick for the last week n half

no one else will take responsibilty because of the treatment they have always gotten is horrible..but i think they need to suck it up and do wants necessary and get things done..they all want to point the finger at someone else to make the call or do this or that

**sahm2boys** · 04-27-2010, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by frugalfoster

My Gosh Tammy...It seems things are going from bad to worse....How do you do it??? I loved the part about buying her pants for her birthday tho....that was hilarious!!! I agree that she may be suffering from depression...but there's a saying...if you don't like your life...CHANGE IT!!! She's not that old that she can't do just that! And you said she was supposed to be on oxygen??? How in the world is she smoking with that in the room??? That's not even safe!!! If she keeps it up she'll blow herself to kingdom come..... problem solved!!! Oops...sorry... Hang in there girl...I told you once that you were a better person than I...this is my repeat

Sorry if my sick humor offended anyone....

i like your plan! =)

**beks37** · 04-27-2010, 01:29 PM

Wow, you are a strong lady for taking this on. I understand about the family members not pitching in to help...that's too bad. So, does she like to do anything?? The only thing I can think to help is an assisted living center where she could be in contact with other people, if that would help her at all......what a tough situation!!

**MrsClaus** · 04-27-2010, 02:41 PM

Definately look into getting services for her.

Look in the yellow pages under senior citizen services and see what's listed. Call the local welfare office. They will most likely have other numbers/places that you can contact.

My best friend used to work in senior services and what you're describing isn't something that would get you in trouble. You are trying to do what's best for her.....even if she might not see it that way.

The best outcome is to get her services that will take some of the responsibility and stress off of you and your dh.

**sahm2boys** · 04-27-2010, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by beks37

Wow, you are a strong lady for taking this on. I understand about the family members not pitching in to help...that's too bad. So, does she like to do anything?? The only thing I can think to help is an assisted living center where she could be in contact with other people, if that would help her at all......what a tough situation!!

we thought of this but her credit is sunked

**bumplett** · 04-27-2010, 07:42 PM

Virginia Department of Social Services

Virginia Department of Social Services • 7 N. Eighth St.• Richmond, VA 23219 • (804) 726-7000

The Virginia Department of Social Services responds to the needs of seniors age 60 and over, adults with disabilities over the age of 18 and other adults with specific needs.

VDSS also collaborates with the local departments of social services across the state and other local service providers to offer assistance to elderly citizens in need of protection from abuse; elder adults who require the services of adult care residences; and adults with disabilities who need help with care, transportation and nutrition services.

VDSS also helps adults involved in domestic violence situations; adults in need of financial assistance, energy assistance and food stamps benefits; and citizens who believe they have been discriminated against by a social services agency.

maybe this will help.

I think you should at least call and consult with someone.