Wow lessons learned....

**mom23boyz** · 04-26-2010, 08:13 PM

Today when I picked DS1 (14) up from football practice he gets his candy out and this lil bag with a card and a pin in it. He proceeds to tell me the story that goes along with this pin and card. The pin says"I am worth the wait" and the card is a vow to abstinence from now until marriage. They had a class speaker today that told them all about her experiences and the various diseases she contracted. Well I guess it sunk in because a few minutes ago I hear him and DS2 (13) in his rm talking. DS2 says "what is this? this is crap!" DS 1 says"no its not...this lady came and talked to us today and it scared the s**t outta me!! I never want to have sex!" He then proceeded to tell DS 2 and DS 3 (12) this ladys story. Wow this really hit a note with him. Hopefully he will remember it for a good long time.

**grneyegrl** · 04-26-2010, 10:18 PM

i actually dont like that..i mean i support not having sex until u are atleast out of high school but sex is part of adult life. i dont believe its good to scare kids be honest but tell the truth.. everyone should be fully prepared before the have sex, even if they choose to wait for marriage.. there are a whole range of issues(health wise and emotional) that come from being sexually active. disease and babies are just two of them.

im just concerned that those who take the vow but dont stick to it will be unprepared when they do have sex.

**grneyegrl** · 04-26-2010, 10:21 PM

oh i had a friend who had a baby in 9th grade. some of my friends had babies at 19. so i dont take the subject lightly

**IntlMom** · 04-27-2010, 12:44 AM

well, I think this is great.....I hope it sticks with him for a good long time too!

wtg for the school bringing in an abstinence speaker!!

**mom23boyz** · 04-27-2010, 01:22 AM

Originally Posted by grneyegrl

i actually dont like that..i mean i support not having sex until u are atleast out of high school but sex is part of adult life. i dont believe its good to scare kids be honest but tell the truth.. everyone should be fully prepared before the have sex, even if they choose to wait for marriage.. there are a whole range of issues(health wise and emotional) that come from being sexually active. disease and babies are just two of them.

im just concerned that those who take the vow but dont stick to it will be unprepared when they do have sex.

I'm not sure what you would think would be right to teach them. They cover all options and issues. As have I. My kids all know where I stand on the issue opf sex as well MANY other things. We are a very open family....the lines of communication are ALWAYS open. last week they watched "The Miracle of Life" they start "sex ed" in 6th grade here. It is all optional but I think its important since I worked in our local postpartum ward and saw girls as young as 12 having babies. The hospital has rules about noone under 18 being able to stay the night(except patients of course) so ALOT of our teen Moms were left alone to care for the babies after 8pm since dad couldn't stay.

They weren't forced to take the vow. They were all given a card with the pin. The pin is meant to act as a reminder that they are worth the wait. Do I expect any of my boys to wait? I would like them to but I am sadly sure they won't. I know I didn't! It just worked out for me that I married the first person I had sex with. He was my first and he was my last! I just felt that a real person not just a movie or text book or even a teacher forced to teach a certain "way" spoke with them. She covered issues she was faced with as a teen that overall has affected her life now as a 40 something year old woman. Ok thats all

**NewLeaf** · 04-27-2010, 08:08 AM

I don't think your son is scared of having sex. He probably was shocked at the consequences. I have a 14 yo son and I am sure there are things he never thought of as consequences to haveing sex. Disease, emotional scarring, spiritual hurt. We talk very openly here and have talked about all of the above including pregnancy and what his exact responsiblitlies would be....
I think your son used the word "scared" in a good way. They should all be very aware of everything that goes along with sex. The good and the bad.
My son is in the eighth grade and several of the girls have made a pregnancy pact. They all want to get pregnant together......You can imagine the conversation we had about that. Some of the girls are even planning to trick their boyfriends (ex: saying they are on the pill but they really aren't).

I'm just so glad my son feels comfortable talking to me and dh.I wish I had waited.

**mom23boyz** · 04-27-2010, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by NewLeaf

I don't think your son is scared of having sex. He probably was shocked at the consequences. I have a 14 yo son and I am sure there are things he never thought of as consequences to haveing sex. Disease, emotional scarring, spiritual hurt. We talk very openly here and have talked about all of the above including pregnancy and what his exact responsiblitlies would be....
I think your son used the word "scared" in a good way. They should all be very aware of everything that goes along with sex. The good and the bad.

I'm just so glad my son feels comfortable talking to me and dh.I wish I had waited.

I agree with you 100% you and I seem to have the same relationship with our DSs in regards to this issue. I also believe it was a good scared. I think hearing it from someone else just made it.....real?!? I believe the kids that aren't comfortable talking to their parents are the ones that end up in "a situation" more often. DH has a cousin who had her DD at 16 and her BF was 15. The DD is now 13 and they think I am out of line talking about sex with my kids. In fact Dh family thinks I shouldn't talk to my kids so openly.

I get LOTS of wierd looks.

**mama2James** · 04-27-2010, 09:41 AM

I have a 3 yr old son and my daughter is 2 months. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate being able to read this discussion between you moms of teens and tweens. It helps me to clarify my thinking on the subject and gives me food for thought when it comes to how I will approach the subject with my kiddos. I definately believe in being open with them and telling them the truth, to the extent that they are able to understand. I don't expect that they will be virgins until marriage, high school wasn't so long ago that I forget what that's like. I just hope that I am able to educate them about how serious sex is and that they will make the right choices for themselves. It's so, so scary what's happening in middle school these days, I sincerely hope that both of my children will be at least within sight of their 18th birthday before having sex, I really am afraid for our youth alot of times.

**nodmicks** · 04-27-2010, 01:52 PM

I really like that they are learning what can be the consequences of sex. Hooray for your sons school! I know most may not wait for marriage now days but being an adult/ mature enough to handle the emotional and physical consequences would be terrific.

I have tried hard to teach this to my boys. I know one is not listening because he told me flat out when he did have sex. I'm glad he told me though so we can keep the lines of communication open. I also stress it is not just babies but disease so use that condom even if the woman is on birth control and there are no guarantees no matter how you are protected.

A lot of people today do not seem to care who they have sex with. A young lady that recently graduated from my sons school had to have a paternity test recently. 11 young men were tested. Isn't the window of conceiving just a few days??? So many of the kids did not seem too see the problem with this. The young lady herself was giggling. Her poor mom was mortified.

Yeah again for your school!

**imagine** · 04-27-2010, 03:15 PM

My son just started sex ed class in health class. The first bit of homework he had to bring home said " an abstinence based approach curriculum" It had topics like

Dating between ages 12 and 15
Extra curriculum activities
Grades
Responsibilities
premarital sex
teenage pregnancy
teen marriage
divorce

The children were to write what they thought their parents would say/answer these topics. Then they had to interview us on the topic and see if their answer was close to what we actually thought/ said. We had to sign that we had done the activity with them.

I thought that getting parents and children to talk was a good start to this portion of the sex ed class.

**mom23boyz** · 04-27-2010, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by imagine

My son just started sex ed class in health class. The first bit of homework he had to bring home said " an abstinence based approach curriculum" It had topics like

Dating between ages 12 and 15
Extra curriculum activities
Grades
Responsibilities
premarital sex
teenage pregnancy
teen marriage
divorce

The children were to write what they thought their parents would say/answer these topics. Then they had to interview us on the topic and see if their answer was close to what we actually thought/ said. We had to sign that we had done the activity with them.

I thought that getting parents and children to talk was a good start to this portion of the sex ed class.

I agree!!! Its wonderful that his school is helping even just that little bit to open those lines of communication! Not all parents want to be bothered with it! i think alot of "let the school deal with it" attitudes.

**ktsmama** · 04-28-2010, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by mom23boyz

I agree!!! Its wonderful that his school is helping even just that little bit to open those lines of communication! Not all parents want to be bothered with it! i think alot of "let the school deal with it" attitudes.

I think this type of "homework" gives parents who don't know how to start a conversation like this, but really want to, a way to have these conversations without embarrassing each other and potentially never having "the talk".