Toddler refuses to sleep in his bed now

**Palooka** · 06-18-2010, 03:04 AM

This started about a couple weeks ago. He will take naps in his bed during the day, but at night has to be between me and dh.

At first he would crawl in bed with us around 1 or 2am. Didn't mind that, because he would sleep in with me in the morning.

Now, he screams bloody murder if we try to tuck him in his bed at night. I guess he had that experience with sleeping with us....and is not going to give up.

I believe in the mental health aspect of Co-sleeping, toddlers and all....but come on!! I sleep worse in my three inch space of the bed now and I don't really have a time to 'un-wind' at night like I did before because he is with me 24/7.

Just wondering how long this phase will last or advice.

**imagine** · 06-18-2010, 04:40 AM

When my little one did this I started to crawl in bed with her in her bed at her bedtime. Then would very carefully sneak out when she was asleep.

(Of course this is harder to do if you still have a toddler bed)

We did it that way for a while but eventually we were able to move on to read a story in her bed then tuck in her in her own bed alone.

hugs to your family and wishes for good nights of sleep.

**Ceashels** · 06-18-2010, 07:48 AM

My girlfriend did what Imagine did. Pretend to sleep in their bed till they nodded off then sneak out. It reinforced the habit and security of their own bed and space.

**frugal is fun** · 06-18-2010, 10:27 AM

Exactly! If they come into your bed, don't let them in, get up and walk them back to their own bed and stay with them until they fall asleep.

I still do this with my 5yr old. Part of the tucking in progess is I lay down with him for about 5-10 minutes and get up. He knows I don't stay, its just a comfortating thing.

BUT a big part of this is, don't stay all night and as the days going on, make the time in their bed less and less so they can adjust and you're not their for hours, which is an entirely NEW problem.

And don't get frustrated, it may take some time but the sooner you nip this in the bud the better!

**lotsadebt** · 06-18-2010, 10:49 AM

Did the same thing myself. DS would wake up and come in with us. Pretty soon it was eveynight and DH and I were not getting much sleep due to little elbows and knees.

I started taking him back and laying with him. Alot of night, yes I fell asleep there too with DS. But eventually I started leaving after he was back to sleep.

Keep at it, it did not happen ovenight. Still occasionally he is 7 now and every now and then he wakes up and ask for me to "cuddle with me". Can't refuse that! They are only little once.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 06-18-2010, 10:51 AM

We went through this with both boys. The oldest was harder to get to sleep in his own bed alone because he didn't understand why it was bad for him to sleep with someone else. The youngest gave us issues with staying in his bed at night.

Our solution?

Put them both in their beds and then sit vigil outside of their door until they fell asleep.

Now with the problem of them climbing into our bed, we simply took them back to their bed and did this without saying anything. We also would sleep on a pillowcase for a couple of nights, then put that pillowcase on their pillow for a night or two. It works pretty well. If they have your scent with them, it's like a comforting tool to help them to stay in bed.

If it's a matter of comfort, I'd see if there's any way to make the bed easier for them to want to stay in. I tried a memory foam cover for DS6 and he loves his bed now.

**mek42** · 06-18-2010, 11:19 AM

Is it ok to make exceptions for extraordinary events like thunderstorms or earthquakes?

**Darlene** · 06-18-2010, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by mek42

Is it ok to make exceptions for extraordinary events like thunderstorms or earthquakes?

Yes. You just need to be strong and be consistant in not letting them into your bed all the time. We never had the kids in our bed often but did go thru the phase where they didn't want to go to bed. We went thru a couple nights of fits and they learned how to relax and find comfort sleeping in their own bed. Stories before bed, tuck in with hug & kiss, nightlight on & fuzzy friends to cuddle with. Routine itself is comforting.

**IntlMom** · 06-18-2010, 12:59 PM

We never dealt with this with our boys and never really had patience for ppl who talk about their kids sleeping with them..... oie vay!!

BUT... now we are smack dab in the middle of dealing with this with our daughter. And I don;t want to start sounding like a psycholgist, but we think we are dealing with some attachment and security issues related to the international adoption aspect of it. So we are being quite patient about the whole thing. Our daughter goes to sleep fine in her own bed, but sometime in the middle of the night, she comes in to get into bed with us. (now, I could sleep though WWIII, so I never hear any of this!) - sometimes dh takes her back to her bed, sometimes more than once, sometimes he just pulls her into bed with us till morning....
do I love it? well, yes and no. I love having this sweet, innocent, precious, beautiful daughter of mine in my bed knowing that she loves to be there because she feels safe with me. But I don't love that it's usually my side of the bed she migrates to and I wake up tired each morning because of it.

So, no advice..... only my own experience to share

((hugs))

**frugalwarrior2** · 06-18-2010, 01:29 PM

Oh the memories. My DS used to lay across the top of the bed and kick my poor DH in the head as he slept. We got him a dog and he just stopped sleeping w/ us. My crackpot theory is he was lonely because he was a gestational twin but the other one disappeared. DD was never in our bed because she never slept at night!!!

**baxjul** · 06-18-2010, 01:37 PM

During night thunderstorms I usually end up with dh, dd, 2 kitties, and one huge dog in bed with me. lol

My dd used to come in our room, but she eventually grew out of it.

**Greebo** · 06-18-2010, 01:38 PM

Easy solution in two words:

Duct Tape.

Problem solved!

**ml2620** · 06-18-2010, 04:30 PM

My cousin put the baby safety gate on the nursery door. If her kids needed them, they would call for them.

Then they would go and snuggle and settle the kids down in their own room.

Like someone said, it reinforces their own room as a safe place.

**Libby** · 06-18-2010, 04:39 PM

I agree with consistency. Its hard to hear your own child crying but in the end, you're going to hurt yourself by allowing your child to continually share the bed with you and this may end up hurting your 'personal QT with spouse' if you know what I mean.

I like the idea of the gate on their bedroom door, so you know they're in there and safe.

BTW: I think Greebo only likes the duct tape method b/c it was used on him as a child

**imagine** · 06-18-2010, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by mek42

Is it ok to make exceptions for extraordinary events like thunderstorms or earthquakes?

I would say there are exceptions for many things.

I personally believe that parenting should take into account the situation, child's personal needs and personality, family's needs etc. - So many things so many different variables.

I believe that there are no absolutes in parenting.

Parenting is an art not a science.

That is my humble opinion