Struggling with our son.......
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    Moderator IntlMom's Avatar
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    Default Struggling with our son.......

    So..... we have three kids. All adopted from foreign orphanges. You guys know that, but it's just kinda my starting point for this thread......

    We are struggling soooooo much with our oldest. I cannot stand it anymore!!!!

    So my oldest is our highly gifted "ADHD" 12 year old. He was 10 mos when we adopted him from Russia. He has been on Adderall since he was 4.... YES 4!!!

    I've never been sure that ADHD was what we were dealing with, but something had to be done to bring peace and sanity to our home.....

    So let's just say life has NEVER been easy with him. Always running, pestering, bothering, defying, annoying, being aggressive... ok, I get it, it sounds like a boy, right? NOPE - there is something different about this. Like he HAS to be the bother, the pest, the issue, the "fly in the ointment"......... (my heart is start to race just typing this up...)

    We tried every diet, med. Read every book..... you name it.

    It's all come to head in our home right now! Sunday, we found out that he stole 50.00 from his brother. No remorse. We tore his room apart looking for whatever we might find. We find "magazines" under his bed (cosmo, maxim.....not quite playboy, but on their way). We pull everything out into the middle of his room and confront him on everything. He says he has to go to the bathroom. 5 minutes later we discover he's gone. He ran away. It was HOT here, and he was on foot. 4.5 hours later, we found him about 8 miles away. (we didn't look at first, cause we figured he was out in the woods and would be back......that's not the unusual for our kiddos). We started looking at hour about 1.5. Friends helped us, and he was found just as we were reporting him missing......

    anyway

    (Oh, and last week when we were in a hotel room, he left the room in the middle of the night to "walk the halls).... I sleep through WWIII, I didn;t discover it till the morning.

    We are in full crises mode in our home.

    We went back to the dr for a meds check. He is actully off all of them for a bit. The adderal has always increased his anger.

    He's a model child and school and church. It's only home he acts this way. Dr thinks it's a choice he is making. We have an application in with the child counselor right now... we will hear from them in a few days.

    thanks for listening..........
    :

    Traci

    dh 20 years
    ds 14 ~ Russia
    ds 14 ~ Russia
    dd 6 ~ China

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    I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I too have a ds who has been difficult since birth. Since he was my first I just assumed that all kids acted like he did. When he got to school I found out the truth. He was diagnosed as ODD (oppositional Defiance Disorder). Oh goody, at least we had a name for it. It has been an uphill climb ever since. He has a child pshycologist that has been a huge blessing. Not only for him but also a wonderful support to his dad and me. When you have a child that has challenges, you feel like a terrible parent. You lose your temper and actually start to dislike your kid. Then you deal with the guilt of having those feelings.

    There is no medicine that helps with this condition. It is all done with behavior modification. What we are supposed to do sounds great in theory and actually works when we do it. Unfortunately, you don't always have the time to spend on it. Also, we are only human and have other children that need our attention. We don't always have the patience to give ds what he needs.

    He is 14 now and we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel in some areas. Of course puberty has entered the picture and we now have a whole new host of problems to worry about.............Sigh!..........

    I will keep you in my prayers as I know the stress you are dealing with. I think getting a counselor will make a possitive impact for your entire family. Good luck!

    God Bless!

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    Moderator IntlMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lovestolaugh View Post
    He was diagnosed as ODD (oppositional Defiance Disorder). God Bless!
    ODD is actually EXACTLY what I think we are dealing with..... but it keeps being called ADHD - I'm wondering if once we get into counseling that we may hear the ODD word too.....

    Thanks alot!! Yep, I totally hear what you are saying.....TOTALLY
    :

    Traci

    dh 20 years
    ds 14 ~ Russia
    ds 14 ~ Russia
    dd 6 ~ China

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    jas
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    my heart goes out to the both of you! Praying that you will find the answers you need to help your son.

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    Registered User ravenmaniac's Avatar
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    I work with behavior problem kids at my middle school. He sounds a lot like some of my students. BUT my students act the same at school, community and home. They are very good manipulators.

    Your son needs to see a good adolescent psychiatrist. Do you have a good Children's Hospital near you? The first psyc you see may not be the one for your son. Look until you find a good one. Family counseling should probably be looked into too. Plus there are many more meds out there that could be beneficial to your son. I am not saying over medicate him, you just need to find the right one.

    I am so sorry for what your family and your son are going through. I can not imagine what your son must have suffered in those first 10 months of his life. There are definite basic "building blocks" that he is missing. Even though you and your husband have loved him and do everything you can.

    I wish you and your family the best. Please take good care of each other. Let us know of your progress.

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    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    What a load to carry - for all of you.

    If he has been on adderall for so long, perhaps something needs to be changed. Glad that you will be seeing a counselor as a start. Please keep us in the loop if you want to.

    Sending prayers, hugs and aloha as your family goes through this challenge.
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    Registered User andrew's mom's Avatar
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    Sending prayers and hugs your way. My son is 2 and very active. He is defiant and strong willed at times but nothing the way you describe your son. Plus, we only have one. Really thinking of you and praying you find an answer to your child's behavior.

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    Moderator nuisance26's Avatar
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    ~Aww, I can understand why you're so upset!
    Obviously I haven't raised a boy to that age yet but I did grow up with three brothers. The fact that you say the behavior is happening just at home makes me think it may just be a normal part of the age. Boys entering their teens start keeping secrets and "try out" being bad. It's kind of their way of cutting the apron strings and becoming personally responsible.
    Considering the whole medication and ADHD issue though, I think you're right to have him evaluated, JIC.
    Does he have any older friends? Is there a Christian teen that could mentor your son? Boys tend to follow the older boys so if you could find a nice guy that could spend some time with him it could be very helpful.~

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    Registered User HisDaisy's Avatar
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    I am sorry that you are going through this.
    You might want to get him evaluated for an attachment disorder. He sounds like many of the attachment disorder kids that I have met through foster care. My foster son acts like this. At home he can be very difficult but at school and church he is an angel. Nobody understands how difficult he can be. He as been diagnosed has possible having reactive attachment disorder or RAD.
    I hope that you get some answers soon and that you all can get some support.

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    Moderator IntlMom's Avatar
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    I get the RAD thing too.......

    like I said, we have been calling ADHD for years, but I have had my suspicions about RAD, ODD........ bipolar, you name it......

    thanks everyone
    :

    Traci

    dh 20 years
    ds 14 ~ Russia
    ds 14 ~ Russia
    dd 6 ~ China

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    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    and this is why some species eat their young....

    But seriously I can't imagine how frustrating this all must be. All I can say is stay the course and one day he will thank you for all that you did for him.

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    Registered User Neeley's Avatar
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    You will be in my prayers.
    DD (20)
    DS (17)
    DH (over the hill - the big 4-0)

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    Registered User ktsmama's Avatar
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    Your family is in my prayers!

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    Registered User mek42's Avatar
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    Could he be acting out with you, his adopted parents, because he doesn't accept that your authority is legitimate due to not being his "real" parents?
    "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Walt Kelly, 1970

    "I have a hard time giving money to people who have more toys than I do." - Nishu from here at FV, 2011

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    Registered User Liane's Avatar
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    My heart goes out to you. I have been working with children in one capacity or another for 26 years. You never know what can be a trigger or reaction. Hope you get the help you need and remember that you are not alone. There are many parents in the same situation and there may be support groups that you can join. Keep in mind that your son will not be a young man forever and that there are things that can be done. Best wishes and much patience sent to you and the rest of your family.

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