Do you spank your child?

**PinkTulip** · 08-27-2010, 10:44 PM

I am really struggling with something....A family member of ours has a 2.5 year old. Since he was 1 she has hit him - on the bottom, arm, etc. I have seen it many times..If he hits her, she hits back. Last night he was spitting and she smacked him in the face. I have talked to her mom about this and the only reply I got was, "every kid needs a spanking".

We have not spanked our two year old, and we won't unless needed and as a severe punishment for bad behavior...

I think she is out of line ...thoughts?

**sjohnson3278** · 08-27-2010, 11:38 PM

I am not a fan of spanking however I would be lying if I said that I have never swatted one of my childrens bottoms. I have done it, with my hand, directly on the bottom (not with an object or anywhere else on the body) and only in extreme situations where other avenues didnt or wouldnt work. It is not something I do regularly as I think there are far better ways to discipline.

**Kitten20** · 08-28-2010, 01:17 AM

** No kids yet!! ** But imho, a spanking or swat on the bottom is one thing; smacking your child across the face is quite another. I would be totally uncomfortable if I saw this happen.

**Rosebush3** · 08-28-2010, 07:29 AM

It was my choice to never hit my kids. Neither of them have ever been spanked, and they're turning out absolutely wonderfully. At 14 and 9 they do as they are told, are extremely loving and full of self-confidence. They behave in ways that always make me proud. I see hitting your children as losing control or not knowing how to deal with a situation. It's bullying and demeaning and sometimes quite painful, why would I do that to my child? I was spanked twice growing up, it didn't ruin me. But believe you me, I remember them clearly - and I was 4 and 6 at those times. My brothers got it with more frequency, and they've turned out wonderfully as well - and neither of them spank their children. I see kids everyday whose parents constantly swat them for the tiniest infraction, not standing the right way, making a noise, acting like a child, grab 'n swat, grab 'n swat, grab 'n swat. I don't think it hurts them physically, but what kind of message is that giving them? And if it worked, they wouldn't be swatting more than once or twice.

**baxjul** · 08-28-2010, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by Kitten20

** No kids yet!! ** But imho, a spanking or swat on the bottom is one thing; smacking your child across the face is quite another. I would be totally uncomfortable if I saw this happen.

I agree with this. My dd has been swatted on the bottom, but I would never hit her anywhere else.

**jas** · 08-28-2010, 09:39 AM

Both of my kids were spanked. Not hit, punched, slapped ect. They didn't need to be spanked very often and after a certain age it was not needed at all. Both of my kids now 25 and17 are great kids have no anger issues and don't feel they were abused as children.

There are soooooooo many kids today that just act like they are the ones in control of the family because there is NO disipline at all. Just nice soft speaking and smiles. Then the kids haul off and whack mom or dad in the face because they have no control. It is the kids who are doing the hitting, kicking, to the parents today. A spanking (on the butt only) does not mean giving your child a beating that is abuse.

If you are able to raise your kids with never having to spank them for anything, you won the kid lottery for sure. If soft sweet words and smiles bring your kids in line everytime, way to go, and know that your children are the exception to how little ones behave when left to behave any way they want to get thier way.

I have a neice who I love dearly and is sweet and nice and has a heart of gold. He son is 3 and a handful of all handfulls. I don't live near them so only get to observe very little and hear from my brother what a handful he is. He will be mean, demanding ect and she just talks sweetly to him and says about a gazillion times no ------ don't do that, thats not nice. He never stops the behavior and she is the one in the end that gets disciplined by him for not giving him what he wants right now. If something does not change with his disipline I can only imagine what is going to be going on when he is 16 and way bigger than her and he wants to do something and he does not get his way pronto.

I could go on and on.... A spank on the behind and disipline when needed is actually doing your child a favor. There are ways that we are to act in society to be able to function with others and know we will not always get our way no matter how much we stomp our feet and scream in someones face.

Not every child who disrupts class and is a mean kid is ADD or ADHD or a number of things people would like to label as a disorder. SOME are just brats that no one has taken the time to put in thier place. I know some are going to go up in arms over this oh. well. it is true.

I never said get out a belt and whack your child till there are marks and scars or smack them in the face or head. I have never said to yell at them with horrible nasty words so don't go there and say I am advocating abuse. I am not. Disipline done in the right way and measure is very effective and once the child learns and knows who loves them and will teach them right from wrong behavior it does not even go on for years and years.

**frugalwarrior2** · 08-28-2010, 09:47 AM

I did because everyone around me pressured me into it and I regret listening. Hitting someone to make them stop hitting is not real logical and results in more aggression. Mostly, it for you because whatever they were doing aggrevated you. In other words it's punishment w/o teaching. A child that young can be redirected w/ a little effort. Later they can have rules and consequences such as time outs and losing toys (our went into the garage. Parenting takes work,patience and lots of it. She might benefit from a parenting class if you can get her to go. IMHO spanking is a form of child abuse resulting from the frustration of being overwhelmed and out of tools. Parents get overwhelmed and rely back on the old spanking.
Remember,I am not trying to criticize anyone,I fell into it too for a time.

**alotofgooddeals** · 08-28-2010, 10:15 AM

discipline does not necessarily need to mean a spanking...I have three children oldest is 21 middle is almost 15 and youngest is 9. My oldest did receive spankings until a certain age...my youngest two have never been spanked in their life...I was young when i had my 21 year old and of course didn't necessarily do the right thing. I struggle with this alot of times because he was the only one that ever got spanked and he is the only one out of the three that has impulsivity, anger issues...so i would say he was spanked probably for the first 7 years of his life...I was older when my second arrived and did things differently... i sometimes think that by spanking my first one that i attributed to the issues that he had growing up... My two younger ones are very well behaved children... do they give me a hard time sometimes... sure....but there are other things that can be done for punishment... no cell phone... no computer.... no trip to the mall or just plain go to your room until you are ready to come out and act civilized....the last one works best in our house...slapping a child across the face is not okay, slapping them across the arm or any part of their body is not okay... I am not saying people who choose to use spankings do not have that right...however there is a way to do this...most people spank out of anger or frustration.

**Momto5RN** · 08-28-2010, 01:04 PM

my kids occasionally got a swat on the butt if they were doing something dangerous. when they were too young for a dicussion to be fully understood

none are abusive - angry people .

this whole if you got a smack you are going to grow up feeling abused and need therapy is just a crazy a generalization as saying anyone who wasnt smacked will run amuk .

its a personal choice.

of course once kids are old enough to talk things out thats the way to go but a 2 yo may not understand or listen to a long dissertation about how running in the street can cause them harm .

i have a friend who didnt believe in spanking but i think the yelling she does in the end is more harmful - my spank was a two second deal her yelling goes on for 10 minutes plus more during the day as she constantly reminds them what they almost did .

but again thats not everyonr who didnt spank either .

hitting in the face - head etc - not a good thing in my book -

**Dancing Lotus** · 08-28-2010, 04:39 PM

Some kids need a good spanking! But not on the face. Hitting , punching or slapping is a difference and I don't care for that.

**joyofsix** · 08-28-2010, 07:12 PM

It has depended on which kid. Some of my kids were fine with a reprimand, some with time out and 1 in particular was as defiant as it is possible to be. She did get swats on the behind and is the only one who has been grounded and had all her privileges removed.

**Mom2-3** · 08-28-2010, 10:29 PM

Nope. We have never spanked our kids.

**nodmicks** · 08-28-2010, 10:32 PM

I got plenty of spankings as a kid and did NOT look at is as abuse at all.

My oldest got 1 little swat on the behind to get his attention when he was too little to rationalize. That was it He was around 2 and got one little swat when he repeatedly kept running in and opening the oven door every time he got put down after being moved and told no it was hot.

My kids got time out and had to put their nose in the corner. I didn't care if we were in the mall!!!! As they got older it was taking privlidge and games etc away. I think the key is consistent rules no matter where you are and no matter what is going on. That is sometimes harder on the parent than the kid! I remember once having a lady tell me in a laundry mat that I was abusing my child by making him stand with his nose to the wall and think about why we don't behave a certain way. GRRRRR

**mndtrp** · 08-29-2010, 10:18 PM

Originally Posted by Kitten20

** No kids yet!! ** But imho, a spanking or swat on the bottom is one thing; smacking your child across the face is quite another. I would be totally uncomfortable if I saw this happen.

Yeah. My father also made absolutely certain I understood what the spanking was for, and delivered it in a calm manner. He spoke to me after I calmed down about my actions, and what led up to the spanking. I don't recall any spankings that were dealt in anger.

**kita** · 08-29-2010, 10:47 PM

"my kids occasionally got a swat on the butt if they were doing
something dangerous. when they were too young for a dicussion to be fully understood "

I don't have kids but this is what I have decided to do if I have kids. A three year old does not understand why they should not walk into the street. I also think it would apply in the case of the oven door. Some behavior has such serious but infrequent consequences that a parent needs to instill clearly that this bad. Also a child needs to be TOLD what they did wrong. "SWAT, we do not run into the street."
I also agree that there needs to be a lot of "tools in the toolbox" or "tricks up mom's sleeve". Being sent to my room for me meant that I had uninteruppted reading time. Yeah!!
The other things I hear when I listen to adults complain about being abused is that it was not proportionate to the "crime" and/or not connected to a "crime".
And while I don't think beatings are good, it seems that almost any discipline method works as long as it is consistant. No getting away with something sometimes (in public or because dad is tired) and having the tar beaten out of you because "he noticed" and was pissed at the boss. If the child honestly understands that he got the tar beaten out of him because he ..um... smacked his teacher, he will accept it as long as he knows that if he doesn't smack his teacher he won't get beaten.
But that is what I saw in my friends. Not what I plan on doing...