Will I ever get past the teen years

**Palooka** · 10-17-2010, 01:44 AM

I don't know...Help! I'm sick of everyone saying how pretty, perfect, smart, beautiful, my teen is.. can do no wrong....Mom must be the problem...

Ya know, she is great. She doesn't do drugs nor drink. Fine!! But I'm sick of that being thrown in my face like that is the all and all that defines a teen! What about smart mouth or rebellious or total lies? Yeah!

I would call myself the cool parent...just asks questions where and who you are with? on text? When to be home...Take the trash out...and I'm sorry your belly button is infected! You drove yourself to the tattoo place and you want me to feel sorry for you?? Gah!I asked you to be home at midnight, you was, but thought I was so mean. I didn't pay for your pills but I was total supportive, sorry you pay 20 bucks a month to your cell phone bill that we carry, sorry you have Dish in your room that we pay for, sorry you had to pay 500 bucks towards your car, sorry I ask questions, sorry you've been to so many places across the World that your dad paid for, sorry for the Disney World trip, SC, Mexico, and several ski trips to Colorado.

Yeah, you got it bad! Stop the attitude!

Sorry, for the vent. I'm sick of feeling like a horrible parent...and no credit. She is a senior and eighteen.

**Darlene** · 10-17-2010, 09:01 AM

Normal to butt heads especially when you act like a parent and not a friend (the way it's supposed to be imho). Dd & I did daily and Dad could do no wrong. Somehow it all works out and in a few years when she thanks you and acknowledges that you really weren't all that bad & yes you were right about bunches (yes, she did tell me this)you'll pretty much have forgotten how bad things were at times. Kinda, lol. It really is tough & I'm sending you a hang in there hug.

Ps Dd & I get along peachy now & she asks for & often times takes my advice.

**Vanilla** · 10-17-2010, 11:12 AM

I totally know how you feel. (((Palooka)))
My DD just turned 25, starting 3 yrs ago, we've been communicating really well with love & respect. That odd stage went on for 12 yrs for us. This will eventually pass.
Just be patience, consistent & gentle.

**Pianolady** · 10-17-2010, 11:14 AM

Sounds familiar. We're now past the teen years in our family! *Whew*, Made it!

I too was (hopefully still am) a cool parent....but the one thing I would never put up with was a lack of gratitude or respect. One time, all the power cords to every gaming system, every computer, and every television mysteriously disappeared for a week because they whined about something (can't remember what it was now). It was silent, never had to say a word. The kids got the clue very fast.

I was a person that almost never yelled, we're talking 2 or 3 times total in their entire teen years. I grew up in a family where my parents yelled at each other daily, that was something I refused to start. However, the few times I downright yelled at a teen it got their attention, and it was always for a lack of gratitude and disrespect.....and it was very effective since it was a surprise. Doesn't work if you yell all the time, all they'll hear is "blah blah blah". LOL

**farmgirl_82** · 10-17-2010, 11:28 AM

Big hugs to you!
I just got out of those frustrating years myself with my Mom. She parented a lot like you do. We finally came to an understanding a couple of years ago, when I actually took the time to HAND-WRITE a letter to her thanking her for all she had taught me. Responsibilities, how to keep house, how to raise children, etc.

My mom is now my best friend:-) Hang in there a couple more years. Seems like a long time, but remember how fast the time has already flown.

((HUGS))

**Palooka** · 10-17-2010, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by Darlene

Normal to butt heads especially when you act like a parent and not a friend (the way it's supposed to be imho). Dd & I did daily and Dad could do no wrong. Somehow it all works out and in a few years when she thanks you and acknowledges that you really weren't all that bad & yes you were right about bunches (yes, she did tell me this)you'll pretty much have forgotten how bad things were at times. Kinda, lol. It really is tough & I'm sending you a hang in there hug.

Ps Dd & I get along peachy now & she asks for & often times takes my advice.

I absolutely agree with the parenting and not the being the friend thing. But that is my problem, I believe. I try to be her friend too and it's hard not too sometimes, ya know? Especially this generation.

She is smart enough to know my weakness as well since I'm the kind of person that wears my heart on my sleeve. She pushes my buttons then. Arg!

I would think our relationship is pretty good...but man...when it's bad, it's bad.

I'm hanging in there.

When this time is over, I want the tee-shirt that says I survived the teen years.

**YankeeMom** · 10-17-2010, 03:48 PM

Have soooo been there (still there, in fact). My oldest daughter is a "good girl". Doesn't smoke or do drugs, got good grades (graduated this past June), etc. But is very mouthy, disrespectful, hated following rules (like curfew, paying her own bills, paying for gas to drive her to work). She moved out on her own last month. I'm waiting for her to say those magic words ....Thank you, Mom!

**cab54** · 10-25-2010, 07:24 PM

My boys are in their mid-20's. They are both soooooo much more appreciative of everything we did for them and ABOUT them. They have been out on their own for several years now and really realize what all we had to contend with whilst raising them.

They are awesome. Even the teen years were worth it. But they were TOUGH.

**Nana2two** · 10-25-2010, 08:43 PM

Nope, because those teens will grow up and move back home

**Nana2two** · 10-25-2010, 08:47 PM

She is a senior and eighteen.[/QUOTE]
I have not met a teen yet that has been the perfect teen. Some are just down right hateful. they are smart in school,good grades. But the mouth is what gets them introuble.

**Palooka** · 10-25-2010, 09:33 PM

Originally Posted by Nana2two

Nope, because those teens will grow up and move back home

No, no, no. Let me get through this part first. Ugh.

Originally Posted by Nana2two

She is a senior and eighteen.

I have not met a teen yet that has been the perfect teen. Some are just down right hateful. they are smart in school,good grades. But the mouth is what gets them introuble.[/QUOTE]

Yep, it's the mouth for sure and thinking they know everything.

**frugalwarrior2** · 10-25-2010, 10:31 PM

OH YES, My Ds will be 18 thurs. and I can't even finish a sentence w/o being blown off. He just assumes he can use the car. Some days I am so proud of him -other days he is a puck and I am looking for a hockey stick.Yikes. He is always on top of just what to say to rile me. Unfortunately for him Dad and i had the same repore. BTDT. Sorry son.

**craftypam** · 10-25-2010, 10:37 PM

Sorry you are going through this. I was very strict with mine; sure didn't show as teens. Now as adults they do the right thing. AND my 24 year old has a son and he has said to me many, many times, "I can't believe you had 3 of us!" In my case; I think because I had sons the mouths weren't so bad. It was the stupid things they did.

**Marie78** · 10-26-2010, 03:00 AM

Wow! I cringe when parents talk about their teenagers. I remember those years form when I was one...I wouldn't go back there for a million dollars. LOL! I have a toddler now and as difficult as some days seem, I remind myself he will be a teen before I know it and I will be longing to have the toddler years and terrible twos back.

Good Luck! I think like any stage in their life you keep plugging along and doing the right thing as a parent and the phase will pass, it might take some time, but they will grow up and love and respect you again

.

**frugalfoster** · 10-26-2010, 06:30 AM

Palooka I imderstand where you are coming from...I have two beautiful daughters...one who was "perfect" the other who was "normal". Oldest was absolutley no trouble until she turned 27. At that time she broke up with her long term boyfriend and "walked a little sideways" for a while. Yikes...I didn't even know who she was...we fought like crazy...she eventually "righted" herself again...The youngest...well she challenged me pretty much everyday of her high school life...and now she is the best well adjusted person!!! Let them be rebellious in their teen years..you be consistent, be loving and don't be their best friend...there will be plenty of time for that later. I think that every child will rebel at some point in their lives (some wait until they are 40)..and I'm hoping that we are through that stage with both of them now.... But wow...if kids only came with instruction books....