Feel so inferior when it comes to my DD graduation

**Ramona** · 01-09-2011, 06:25 PM

You raised your daughter with love and affection. This is what she'll remember.

The big parties and cruises are all well and good, but they aren't expressions of love, in my opinion.

The happiest times of my life didn't cost a penny: Dad teaching me how to ride a bike, Mom teaching me how to sew, they both provided a safe and joyful home for me, priceless!

**annymoll** · 01-09-2011, 07:05 PM

I think your daughter will look back on her cruise with her grandparents as a wonderful memory, especially after they are gone. I also think she will look back at all the wonderful times you spent together with happy memories also.If you don't make it about money I don't think she will either.Enjoy these happy times!

**druthb00** · 01-09-2011, 07:06 PM

Have to agree with everyone else. I constantly find myself doing/saying/etc. things that my mother taught me and will always remember that I learned those things from her. I'm not just spouting this to make you feel better. Some really important things my mom taught me growing up have made me who I am and put me where I am today. Just a couple off the top of my head (to get my point across of course

) :

"Live within your means." She said this constantly when I wanted something that (now I know) they couldn't afford to give me.

"Friends are for now, sisters are forever." I can't even begin to tell you how badly I treated my little sister when I had my friends around, but of course.. most of the friends I've grown apart from, and my sister and I get along great now that we're (mostly) grown up.

All the material things your Dd is getting for her graduation aren't nearly as important as the things you did with her and taught her growing up. A cruise isn't going to make her a better person, but your love definitely has and will.

**Syn D** · 01-09-2011, 07:50 PM

We have only taken our kids out to eat when they graduate.. Our gift to them was the extra stuff we buy for their senior year.. Sames goes for the last one that will be graduating in May..

I say, let them fork out the $$$$$$.... She knows what you do every day is way more special and important than something done once..

**krbshappy71** · 01-10-2011, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by Palooka

Found out her step-mom and dad will be renting a hall here in this area for her graduation party. Well, that is so sweet and nice of them....but come on!!! Really? like their big square house isn't good enough for their family and friends? They probably need some extra space for the Kegs too.

Oh, and the third week of May when she is done with high school, she sails away for a cruise in the Carribean with her grandparents.

I can't top this off!!! My Dd doesn't expect me too.

We talk about it, but still.....I'm sure my cake and soda pop sounds lame...

Vent!!

PSSST, we are doing cake and soda pop. Everyone else can go into debt, of if they are out of debt spend their money, however they like. Hugs to you, seriously get out of the mind set of what others are doing or the minute you "get ahead" you will want to try and make up for it, thus putting yourself back into the same situation.

Hang in there. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

**Greebo** · 01-10-2011, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by Palooka

Found out her step-mom and dad will be renting a hall here in this area for her graduation party. Well, that is so sweet and nice of them....but come on!!! Really? like their big square house isn't good enough for their family and friends? They probably need some extra space for the Kegs too.

I don't understand.

It's your daughters graduation.

Your ex-husband is celebrating it.

How is that about you??

**Telephus44** · 01-10-2011, 12:23 PM

I don't remember your entire family history, but here's a hypothetical. If you had plenty of money - all debts paid off, retirement and EF fully funded, etc. - and your ex was in bad financial shape - would you NOT throw your DD a party just because you ex couldn't afford to? If you made it to retirement and had money to burn and wanted to take your granddaughter on a cruise, would you not do it just because one of her parents couldn't afford it?

This is all still part of the keeping up with the Jones' mentality - even if the Jones' are your family.

**Palooka** · 01-10-2011, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

I don't understand.

It's your daughters graduation.

Your ex-husband is celebrating it.

How is that about you??

Um, not my ex-husband. And I wouldn't expect you to understand anyway.

**Palooka** · 01-10-2011, 09:26 PM

Well thanks for the words and letting me vent. Trust me, I'm glad she gets all this and I'm sure she will be getting some wonderful gifts. It's just they do everything over the top all the time. Of course my DD knows I can't do all this for her and she wouldn't expect me too, so sometimes I just feel bad, not that I would do all that anyway! Thanks for those that understand my feelings as a parent.

I'm over it now.

**mamamia** · 01-11-2011, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by Palooka

Well thanks for the words and letting me vent. Trust me, I'm glad she gets all this and I'm sure she will be getting some wonderful gifts. It's just they do everything over the top all the time. Of course my DD knows I can't do all this for her and she wouldn't expect me too, so sometimes I just feel bad, not that I would do all that anyway! Thanks for those that understand my feelings as a parent.

I'm over it now.

Just sending my hugs and happy to see your post!

Palooka you're a good mom. And believe me, when the time comes, and she becomes a mom, you'll be the one she'll be calling for advice and good mom/daughter talks.

Hang in there lady. The best is yet to be!!

Theresa

**Palooka** · 01-11-2011, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by mamamia

Just sending my hugs and happy to see your post!

Palooka you're a good mom. And believe me, when the time comes, and she becomes a mom, you'll be the one she'll be calling for advice and good mom/daughter talks.

Hang in there lady. The best is yet to be!!

Theresa

Mamamia! *hugs and waves* What's up? i've missed you!

Hope all is well in your town!

**frugal is fun** · 01-11-2011, 09:35 AM

for my highschool graduation my parents had my grandmothers over and my great aunt. It wasn't much but it was nice. Honestly I was more concerned about where the "real" party was and couldn't get out of there fast enough. I never thought negative things, like this is all I get?

however when I graduated college, I was in my 30's in 2001 and my most vivid memory is my 70 year old father standing in the front line with tears in his eyes because he was so proud of me.

I was separated from my husband at the time so I threw myself my own party. I had immediate family over and I fed everyone steaks and all was well.

Everyone is different and your daughter knows that you love and are proud of her. Thats all that matters in the end.

**HandyMom** · 01-16-2011, 11:20 PM

Don't feel bad. I did nothing for my DD for her graduation. That had more to do with her behavior in school and at home at the time but she has to learn the hard way with everything. She did get money and cards from my family members anyway and that's probably all she really cared about - $$$

**mauimagic** · 01-16-2011, 11:36 PM

Palooka - am glad that you vented and were able to get over it - knew you would. Sometimes you just need to vent - been there and will need to again. So will you probably - but that's how we process stress in our lives - better than getting an ulcer for sure!! Keep up the great work!!