Kids are growing up

[Demented Duck]

Thanks xx that was a lovely thing to say..feeling lonely is horrible and i dread when my older two decide its time to leave home.I find it hard to even think about as I love the noise,mess and even the chaos they cause around the place.I know for sure i will feel exactly like you and you are not alone believe me xxLetting go of something you have cared for and enjoyed being with must be terrible.
It's a shame we are so far away from each other but we can maybe keep in touch on here?I know for sure you will start to feel better soon and i hope so much that you find good company close to home ,when i feel fed up i love to walk some how being outside always makes me feel a little better,not sure why?
keep in touch and take care xx

[Momto5RN]

it is our job to raise the children to be good adults to then move on their own . Just as we did .

Instead of focusing on your feelings focus on theirs.

Do you remember the excitement of becoming more independant ? Take joy in knowing they are doing that now.
when i dropped my oldest off to college

when my oldest went off to college i was excited for him - i didnt cry when we dropped him off like alot did- doesnt mean i dont love him just meant i remembered the excitement i felt going off to nursing school and was thrilled he was having this new experience .

i tried to focus on how they felt . i didnt want my tears to take away from what was important to them - .

I think you sound very depressed which concerns me - if you feel your life is not worth anything because your kids are not around that is not healthy or normal in any way . Missing them -
Being a little scared of change - thats normal - but even though we feel they are our lives- they shouldnt define our lives entirely to the point we feel we have nothing if they are not there .

Try to remember what you were before the kids came along - what you enjoyed with free time -and do it if not for yourself for your kids . Its not good for them to feel they are abandoning you by moving on with their own lives. They have to know how you feel if you are as sad as you are feeling as written here you cant hide it .

i know how hard it is to make good true friends as adults -
and i am sure having no car to get out and about is adding to how you are feeling .

But there is something for you out there you just have to be open to it finding you . what is near you - any schools- hospitals-libraries you can volunteer at - spread your love of children to other children - or helping others at nursing homes etc . Its not replacing your children but allowing you to continue your nuturing ways and that will make you feel less alone - less unneeded- and more important to yourself

[Momto5RN]

just a thought but does anyone near you work at any of the places mentioned to you for volunteering - they may take you one-2x a week .

can you crochet or knit - making blankets for preemies or elderly etc can make you feel as if you are accomplishing something .

Hugs to you and i hope you are feeling better .

[newstudent]

@ Demented Duck
I am so glad you understand. Sometimes I wonder if people don't understand, to busy to understand or if it's just socially not acceptable to feel this way.
I have been reading up on my misery and they call it here -empty nest syndrom- ( I am from europe myself so a lot of terms are new).
So at least I'm not crazy. It is to get better over time--heck I hope that time flies for a change. In the meantime I am working on putting little puzzle pieces of life together. Still don't have the car to start new things but have a job interview monday--how did that happen.
So the point is that I have to find a car in the next two days or find some other way to get there.
Demented Duck- how old are you kids?
I know what you mean with loving the noise and the chaos.
Going in the kitchen and seeing it all clean just the way I left it is about the sadest.
Demented Duck we should stay in touch. Just wish there was some way for private messages or email.

[newstudent]

@Momto5RN

I know it is our job to raise them to be good adults,and we did a good job if I may say so myself.
Yes I remember what it's like to take the first steps into independence.

However I don't think my showing that I am sad takes away from their experience. They know I love them, miss them and would do anything for them. I have been their mom all life and have been honest and open--now why should I lie all over sudden and pretend I am just happy for them and don't have any feeling other than their happiness?
That would not be right and they would not believe I am just just peachy anyway--they know me.
Thank you also for your concern about me being depressed some.
I have since found out that it is normal to some degree and simply called "empty nest syndrom". If the depression persists than I should worry but for now it's unfortunately normal and nothing to take pills for or see a shrink.
I am currently working on getting some sort of life back together.
Volunteering is something to consider also when I have transportation even though at the current frame of mind I will not be much help.

[Demented Duck]

Hi again, that is great news about the job interview i will keep my fingers crossed for you.
My children are 18 ,16 and the one who keeps me demented 7 !!
I have tried to send you a private message hope it works.Best of luck for the interview and take care x