Kids are growing up

**newstudent** · 03-15-2011, 01:31 AM

I have no idea where to put this so please if it is the wrong place , I apologize.
Are there people here that have grown/almost grown children that have moved out already or are in the process and how do you manage.
I feel absolutely terrible. I'm so sad all the time. My kids are great and we have great relationships but I miss them so much when they are gone. My daughter is engaged and only spends little time at home and basically lives with her fiance. She is close to finished with college and also works. My son goes to college and has a job and a girl friend so he does still live at home full time but he is gone a lot too and spends the night gone too sometimes,it's understandable, the "kid" is amost 20 years old.
The kids are realy great and do good in school and both have partners I truly like so I should be happy and I'm just sad cause there is so little time with them. I might sound like I'm weird or strange but I'm just sad. My husband is a wonderful man but he has to be gone a lot for his jo so that makes it even more time that I'm alone.
We live in a small small town and there is not much to do. I have been looking for a job but the possibilities are limited when one does not have a car like me.
I know I should be happy for having a great family and I am but still sad cause they are soooo busy so much.
If you think I'm stupid for the way I feel than just ignore me please.

**ml2620** · 03-15-2011, 06:54 AM

New student, I don't think you are strange at all, I think this is very normal and I expect to feel the same way at some point (at the moment I have a still nursing six month old and even weaning seems like such a loss).

Stay busy, volunteer if you can't work, craft and check out local free activities like book clubs, art classes etc. You are just at a lull. Before you know it, the grandchildren will start arriving and you will be busier than ever!

**Demented Duck** · 03-15-2011, 07:09 AM

I fully understand how you feel as I too have older children and dread them leaving home!
Sending you a hug xx

**OhPioneer1806** · 03-15-2011, 07:20 AM

((Hugs to you)) I still have two teens and one early 20s at home but I also have been through the changes you describe with older kids moving out and beginning their own adult lives. It is a hard change but also a wonderful one. You should take pride in the terrific job you have done raising them into responsible adults. Embrace the change because the next phase of life is one of the best, grandparenthood!!
I also suggest you start thinking of something you can do for yourself, perhaps a new hobby, or take some classes online or look for work you can do from home until you can save up for a car of your own.
Wishing you the best!

**OOwl** · 03-15-2011, 08:22 AM

Totally understand. My kids are at the same stage in life, one newly married, one in a serious relationship and just graduated from college. Like you, I'm so proud of them both, and I really am excited about the new partners that they brought into our growing family. My children are productive members of society and happy, and, as a mother, those qualities should be our crown and glory. Now, it's your time to watch them succeed and grow, counseling when consulted, soothing new wounds, as needed. Don't worry, it won't be long at all before they're back in the house, asking for that special way you make brownies or to ask for your advice. When kids grow up in a loving, safe, warm and happy home, they WILL return. You'll smile when they do, too. It will feel really good. You'll see.

Until then, go about spoiling yourself. Learn a new skill and embark on a new career or passion, be that paying job or hobby. When you respect and love yourself, it's contagious to others. . . including your children. Congratulations on launching what sound like two wonderful adults into the world. You did well.

**RaineyDaye** · 03-15-2011, 10:21 AM

I felt the same way during the years when my daughters were seldom home except to sleep, and then felt extremely sad when they moved out after they graduated. But after a while I started loving my freedom! Hang in there; it does get better.

**cab54** · 03-15-2011, 11:32 AM

My two sons went away to college, and it was bad enough when they were 2.5 hours away.

Now, one lives in CA, and one in FL (we're in Ohio). I see them about twice a year for a few days (and have to share them with grandparents, aunts and uncles while they're here).

I consider myself a pretty strong person, but some days I SOOO want to just get my arms around them. It's very hard. They're our babies! Even if they're grown men!

I feel ya.

**newstudent** · 03-15-2011, 12:28 PM

Thank you for understanding. Last night I truly thought I'm loosing my mind. I spend half the night crying--and missing them. Looking at pictures did not help either--just reminds me of the great time when we were all together and did things together.
It's like the last almost 23 years I was living my live for them/with them--I had a purpose. Now I'm useless.
I wish I could stop crying

**tracergal007** · 03-15-2011, 12:53 PM

You are not useless, just misplaced at the moment.

My daughter is about to turn twenty, and is only home long enough to sleep, shower and change clothes of late. She and her boyfriend have been talking about moving in together soon, and while it does make me feel sad she'll be gone, it also gives me a little thrill that I'll be able to do the things I've put off while raising her.

I've just enrolled in college for the first time and in a week will be starting on the path to becoming a social worker so I can help others. I'm also going to be attempting a garden and a few trips with DH we held off on because of finances.

Please, believe that it does get better with time. Find something your interested in and every time those feelings of sorrow kick up, dive into your new interest. Remember, you've got people here to listen as well.

**craftypam** · 03-15-2011, 01:08 PM

All of my sons have moved out and have relationships; 2 are married. I am soooooo glad they do live nearby.
Do you have other interests? If not you need to find some; I think it will help. I probably felt a little bad when they moved on, but not as much as you seem to be. I have sooo many other things going on in my life and maybe that is the reason.
Just a suggestion and I hope you will feel better really soon you have a lot of life left to live. I also have 1 grandson and new granddaughter and another grandson on the way.

**newstudent** · 03-15-2011, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by cab54

My two sons went away to college, and it was bad enough when they were 2.5 hours away.

Now, one lives in CA, and one in FL (we're in Ohio). I see them about twice a year for a few days (and have to share them with grandparents, aunts and uncles while they're here).

I consider myself a pretty strong person, but some days I SOOO want to just get my arms around them. It's very hard. They're our babies! Even if they're grown men!

I feel ya.

I'm so glad you understand. Often I feel like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest. I'm so crying -

**newstudent** · 03-15-2011, 06:15 PM

Originally Posted by tracergal007

You are not useless, just misplaced at the moment.

My daughter is about to turn twenty, and is only home long enough to sleep, shower and change clothes of late. She and her boyfriend have been talking about moving in together soon, and while it does make me feel sad she'll be gone, it also gives me a little thrill that I'll be able to do the things I've put off while raising her.

I've just enrolled in college for the first time and in a week will be starting on the path to becoming a social worker so I can help others. I'm also going to be attempting a garden and a few trips with DH we held off on because of finances.

Please, believe that it does get better with time. Find something your interested in and every time those feelings of sorrow kick up, dive into your new interest. Remember, you've got people here to listen as well.

I'm glad you have found things to fill you time. I wish it was that easy for me. Have been to college when younger and am now to old (53)and not rich enough to start something new in college.
We still pay for the kids college so there is not exactly a lot of money floating around. Doing something with my husband is limited since he travels a lot for his job.
I wish I had people to meet--we moved here 3 1/2 yeras ago and I still don't know anybody. Lord knows I tried.
Line dancing--
Bingo
college classes
to all those things I needed a car since this town is tiny--now I don't have a car.
People can be no substitute for my children but it would be nice to hang out

**newstudent** · 03-15-2011, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by craftypam

All of my sons have moved out and have relationships; 2 are married. I am soooooo glad they do live nearby.
Do you have other interests? If not you need to find some; I think it will help. I probably felt a little bad when they moved on, but not as much as you seem to be. I have sooo many other things going on in my life and maybe that is the reason.
Just a suggestion and I hope you will feel better really soon you have a lot of life left to live. I also have 1 grandson and new granddaughter and another grandson on the way.

I'm glad for you that you have your sons nearby.
My kids will not stay in this state. The daughter wants to go further west cause they heard the tolerance level toward biracial relationships is greater.
My son wil have to move since there is nothing as far as jobs goes here.
I just wish I could stop crying-- I love them so much and it breaks my heart

**frugalwarrior2** · 03-15-2011, 06:36 PM

I am in the process of helping my "kids" move forward.
DS got his license 6 mo. ago and was accepted at Northern U . He will be 9 hours away w/ no easy route to get to him. Long drive or dinky plane. So I am in process of making sure he has his life skills down,trying to talk about money,Trying to work out a vehicle for him by Aug. So right now I busy myself. I will be surprised if he lives at home again after graduation.

DD has found a steady BF and will prob. be in a diff "space" SOON. I have pangs of jealousy sometimes (which I keep to myself) because I feel shut out at times.

I feel I have done the best job I could have. Would have been better at many things but gave it my all.
They annoy me,I will miss them.
I hate how they act,I love them no matter what.
Cry Do what you want. Change is good but the space inbetween the start and finish is usually HE-L!
Know that you did a good enough job they have the confidence to go forward. Thats a success not everyone can claim.
Know they love you and there are breaks.

Thats why we are third stagers/agers. Now is time for us. Do small indulgances and save for bigger ones.
And please type this back to me in Sept.?

**newstudent** · 03-15-2011, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by frugalwarrior2

I am in the process of helping my "kids" move forward.
DS got his license 6 mo. ago and was accepted at Northern U . He will be 9 hours away w/ no easy route to get to him. Long drive or dinky plane. So I am in process of making sure he has his life skills down,trying to talk about money,Trying to work out a vehicle for him by Aug. So right now I busy myself. I will be surprised if he lives at home again after graduation.

DD has found a steady BF and will prob. be in a diff "space" SOON. I have pangs of jealousy sometimes (which I keep to myself) because I feel shut out at times.

I feel I have done the best job I could have. Would have been better at many things but gave it my all.
They annoy me,I will miss them.
I hate how they act,I love them no matter what.
Cry Do what you want. Change is good but the space inbetween the start and finish is usually HE-L!
Know that you did a good enough job they have the confidence to go forward. Thats a success not everyone can claim.
Know they love you and there are breaks.

Thats why we are third stagers/agers. Now is time for us. Do small indulgances and save for bigger ones.
And please type this back to me in Sept.?

Yes it is hell--I did not know anything could hurt that much. Fells like life is over.
Like you I feel shut out--thrown away--but I love them so much. There is nothing,nothing at all I would not do for them. I move to a different continent if they would want me there with them.
I can't even think about anything else. Will this crying and pain ever stop?