I feel so bad for DD (long)

[Rhiamon]

I had an IPRC meeting with the new school last week that DD started back in January.
They told me all the good things about DD 8 (grade 2)and all her strengths and that her vocabulary and her understanding of what words mean and her ability to explain things is way about average. I was thinking wow this is great I was also thinking okay so what is the bad news. The told me that DD is at a reading level 8 I thought wow this is great she has come up 3 reading levels since January. Well it turns out by the end of grade two she should be at a reading level 28! That her writing is still very poor, and that she reverses her numbers so instead of 23 she will write it or say it as 32.
They told me not to let her see her grades on her report card but just to read all the comments to her. They said they don't want to discourage her because she is trying so hard. Her teacher must have seen my heart sinking because she said you are doing everything you can. You have her in a therapeutic reading program (she reads to a therapy dog) You have a private tutor that comes out once a week. And you are putting her in the summer reading camp offered by the school. (Yup there was 179 dollars I had to come up with!)
They said though that because she was identified as an expectational student that she can't be failed that they will give her different programs etc. That she will get seating near the teachers desk, that she can give her tests orally and that she can have a scribe for some things. That as she gets a little older she will be able to have a laptop at school plus there is a device where she can speak in to it and it will write out on the screen what she is saying. They did say that when she got into grade 4 that they are probably going to put her into a half day learning disability class. And her OT which was started in SK that was only supposed to last a year will continue probably for several years. They also said that they will probably excuse her from the grade 3 testing because it will be way to much stress on her. She will also always be in a class with and EA. Her teacher told me that she still gets very distracted if someone is not with her she will not finish most of her work. I said even with her medication they said yes. The also marked down that she has diagnosed anxiety and her teacher said she could see it a lot of the time. I can't help but think how much more can this little person take, ADHD, LD, anxiety, trouble making friends because they think she is weird. I mean come on!!!
Its hard to watch her get so frustrated at what comes so easily for most of the other kids. It's hard to watch the tears and try to get her to understand that she is not stupid she just learns in a very different way. Her dad has been no help through all of this. I pay the tutor every month because he feels it is a waist of money. I did get him to give me some money towards the camp but that was after a 3 day fight over the phone trying to tell him how much she really needed it. Plus I am taking a really long intensive parenting/therapy program once a week called ITTM for parents that have been through trauma and children that have been through trauma. DD's trauma was not abuse but her father and I separating, moving around a lot, seeing me hospitalized, and the death of her brother or sister when I miscarried. Mine was 14 years of child hood abuse. I told my ex that he should come with me because there is a lot of good information about how to handle certain things that come up besides how my abuse affects my parenting skills and how it sneaks out in ways ( like being paranoid about her safety all the time to the point that I have panic attacks) He said no why would I do that I parent just fine! I wanted to slap him silly!!
I feel so guilty like maybe there was something I missed when she was little, or maybe it was something I did while I was pregnant or the blood pressure meds they had me on because I was Preeclampsia. I know logically there was probably nothing I did at all. But as a mom and I am sure all moms feel the same way you can't help but feel guilty, and think if only there was something more I could do!

[Ceashels]

With everything that is on your own plate plus your daughters .... You are doing fantastic. You should wake up every morning and say to the world "Bring it, 'cause I have experience!"

And you do!

You know your daughter the best out of everyone. You are continuing to learn how to deal with situations through your class, continued contact with her teachers and by your every day experiences.

Her situations certainly tugs at your heart (and ours too) but you are finding and using all of the resources available to help her develop and grow as any parent would. (I don't think your ex wants to face the truth of the situation because he couldn't handle all of it.)

You should be very proud of what you've accomplished. You have always been there for her so never give up trying. Each day is a brand new day for her as well as you.

Many hugs and blessings to you both.

[ktsmama]

For what it's worth, I think you are an AWESOME Mom!! I don't know another person who would do all that you do.

Hugs to you both.

[TigerGirl1226]

I think it's great that the school is wanting to help her so much! I've heard so many horror stories where schools are unwilling/unable to help a child that doesn't learn in a "normal" manner.

I know what it's like to feel responsible even when you are at no fault. DD who is 3 still has speech issues that stem from long term ear infections. Our LO that will be born in July/August has a birth defect. I feel sooooo bad that I did SOMETHING to cause this, but in reality we as mothers do the best we can and sometimes this are beyond our control.

I wish the best for you and your DD. It seems like she is in a nurturing educational and home environment.

[dwnloom]

First I am sending hugs your way! Second, my daughter had some very similar issues as your daughter does. She is graduating high school this weekend. She is looking forward to going on to college. You and your daughter will get thru this. It is a struggle, but is all worth it in the end. Remember the people on this board are here to listen.

[shoiji]

Wow, you really are doing an amazing job. Hang in there.

When I went to school there was someone who is considered special needs. He actually was in my sisters class four years ahead of me but was mainstreamed in classes. He did finally end up graduating high school with my class.

Well, years later I ended up working in the same company he worked in. This company is nationally and internationally well known.

So do not give up hope. Just tell yourself you are giving her a great foundation for the rest of her life.

[mamachop]

Hang in there, you are a wonderful Mom and you are doing everything that you can for your DD.

[my4littlebuffaloes]

Is she your only child? She must be or you would realize that you didn't do anything to cause her problems. I have a child who is special needs -aspbergers and ADHD. I have another child who has severe anxiety, ADHD and likely OCD as well. BUT I also have 2 kids (that we have always parented the same as you can parent kids) and have no issues whatsoever.

You are doing the best you can, your dd is doing the best she can and that is all you can do. She will improve, my son did. He was a very late reader, but the school got on it, and made it their entire goal for 6 months of the school year - everything revolved around him reading. We worked on it all the time. He did improve and your dd will too.

Trust me - I know it is hard - hard to understand, hard to not doubt yourself, hard to deal with in general. But you can't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. You only did what you through was best all throughout the pregnancy and her life right? You did what the doctors told you to. You did your best. She will figure it out and be a stronger person for it. Hugs!

[max915]

Sounds to me like you are doing everything you can and then some...There are soo many parents who won't do anything because they think there is nothing wrong with their child...Man I am so proud of you....When my third son was little he had and I guess you can say still has (25 now) sensory intergration and I took him to theray 3 days a week for 4 yrs. but it was worth every mile that I had to drive..

[Menifeemom]

I don't know if this is in your area or it is something you could ever afford, but my oldest daughter had many of the same struggles and was diagnosed as dyslexic. This past year her grandparents paid for her to get help from Learning Rx. They test each child and match them with a trained specialist for one on one help. They don't tutor they actually work to retrain the brain to enable students, stroke patients, and victims of traumatic brain injuries to rewire their brains to function better. Needless to say it is very expensive, but I can't begin to express what an incredible difference it has made in my daughter's life.

[Ramona]

You are doing very well caring for your daughter. I can't think of anything you're not doing to give her a wonderful life.

[frugalwarrior2]

You could be talking about my DD. She graduated high school. Became a jewelry instructor. Dates. All the regular things. Has a group of friends who she accepts like they are and visa versa.
She takes depression meds and concerta. She still sees a neurologist for migraines. Life has not been smooth. But even the disfuctional function. One of my favorite lines from some movie.
Sounds like you are doing lots. I do agree on the dyslexia testing. The low reading ability is a flag. The number switching too. If you don't already see a neurologist find one. Luckily many more things are available.
As for your EX remind him its not about him. And that you know because he is a good parent he will want to become as involved as possible. Incl. financially. If he wants to blame "your bad genes" let him. Just get him on board even if you have to suck syrup til' comes out yoour ears. And have to practice a genuine smile hours in the mirror.

[mauimagic]

I am so glad that you got your daughter in the new school in January - what a difference in attitude and appoach to dealing with children!!

In my 20 years of teaching children with disabilities is that things do tend to mellow out as the child gets older and things do get smoother and easier. While I know that this does not help you now, please know that everything that you do and have been doing for her is building a stronger base for her to grow from.

None of this is your fault and sometimes in life there is noone or nothing to blame - hard on us humans who like to find the source of a problem - unsettling when we don't/can't - but more and more then is no answer to the cause.

Take care my dear - of yourself to be the healthiest person you can be - that's what you need to do not only for your daughter, but also for yourself.

[mom2three]

Rhiamon,

Have you trialed diet changes with your daughter. My 10 year old is very bright, but had big issues in Grade 2-turned out she is sulfite intolerant. For my 6 year old, it's gluten-she's struggling a bit likely due to contamination issues, but is finally starting to read. She will be in a tutoring program this summer as well.

My husband (Ph.D. chemist) was a notoriously slow reader and writer, mixed up letters, spelling and such, but on a GF diet can actually write. He almost flunked out of his first year of grad school due to writing and, as an undergrad, routinely got Cs on papers and As on other forms of evaluation. I was pleasantly surprised lately when he got a paper published and couldn't believe how well written it was. Proofreading his theses was pure torture.

My mom can't write normally. She is functionally illiterate. The only time I have ever seen a properly written sentence from her she was trialing a GF diet.

It may seem far fetched, but it's worth a shot. My daughter couldn't add 1+1 when reacting-I could watch her lose focus even by having one candy (corn syrup has sulfites).

Also, have you looked at omega 3s for focus? They do help.

Migraines -magnesium and removing offending foods have both been shown to help. I can look up the papers for you if you'd like frugalwarrior2.

[mom2three]

I also think the school is great!