having a bad day...need to vent

**gmarie** · 06-30-2011, 09:31 PM

krbshappy71, your mom sounds like my MIL! It is impossible to tell that woman no when she decides that you should have something. And she takes your polite "no thank you" as a personal insult. I HATE shopping with her!!

on the subject of my own mom: we are still not speaking.
But, she has been sending me you tube videos of songs. Kind of weird/immature behavior for a 60 year old if you ask me!

**Anna43** · 06-30-2011, 11:04 PM

When there is a handicap or mental illness in a family, the whole family tends to become disfunctional. It seems you are aware of that and have decided to distance yourself which seems wise to me. You are an adult so you have that choice. The fact you are offering support to your sister by phone is more than many would do.

I think you should make sure that your mom knows how upset you were by her nasty behavior. Its okay to let it go but first she should be made aware that it was unacceptable and hurtful and that you certainly don't want to go through it again. I also think you should tell your mother exactly how much you are willing to do and not do for your sister. You really don't need to explain your "why" because deep down she knows. It could be that's what she's jealous of -- you not having to deal with your sister.

In actual fact, she could choose to stop being co-dependent with her daughter which would probably benefit both of them but I'm not sure I'd point that out unless I was wearing flame retardant! However, when she starts on you about your sister you should calmly tell her that you choose not to do whatever it is she's wanting you to do. Point out that you've made the choice after careful consideration and feel it is best for you, your dh and even your sister.

**gmarie** · 07-20-2011, 04:48 PM

So I apparently have a stomach bug, and just spent a few days with my lovely MIL... and now just trying to recover - physically and emotionally lol. She makes my own mother seem like the poster girl for mental health.

I am so thankful we live far enough away from our mothers so we don't have to deal with this crap on a daily basis!!

I think the worst part is having to defend our financial goals (being debt free) to broke spendaholics who try to use money to control their adult children. so much fun.

I ♥ family.

**oheoh's momma** · 07-20-2011, 07:06 PM

oh hugs hugs hugs. nothing to say just hugs

**mh3rdwheel** · 07-20-2011, 07:27 PM

My mom and aunt Betty were the same way, they were the adults but acted like two yr olds, they ruined many family gatherings. My aunt has passed and now my mom is in a nursing homewith Alheimzers, she lives 30 minutes away.

I don't always get along with my brothers and sisters or my mom. On Tuesday it was hard on me because it was the 20th anniversary of my son Nicholas's death at the age of 3 1/2 months of age. I MISS HIM A LOT TO THIS DAY.

**mh3rdwheel** · 07-20-2011, 09:19 PM

thank you all, I am from a very disfunctional family. I don't know if I coined this phrase, my mom was a bingolic, meaning she went to bingo 7 days a week, my sister was burned severely because at the age of 10 she had to make spaghetti, she drained the water into a plastic bowl that we had to carry into another room to the sink, she didn't make it and had severe burns down her chest.

I feel that sometimes you have to distance yourselves from your family to survive. My sister and her daughter are both bi-polar I think. My sister is a bad diabetic and she gets really mean at times. I try to think that is her illness speaking but it is hard.

I really do know what you are going through, if you need someone to talk to we at FV will listen, just keep on talking to us.

**mh3rdwheel** · 07-21-2011, 06:00 PM

Originally Posted by mh3rdwheel

My mom and aunt Betty were the same way, they were the adults but acted like two yr olds, they ruined many family gatherings. My aunt has passed and now my mom is in a nursing homewith Alheimzers, she lives 30 minutes away.

I don't always get along with my brothers and sisters or my mom. On Tuesday it was hard on me because it was the 20th anniversary of my son Nicholas's death at the age of 3 1/2 months of age. I MISS HIM A LOT TO THIS DAY.

When Nicky died I was by myself with him, I had him home for 2 days before he went back to the hospital then the hospital was responsible for his death. I held him for hours until my husband came from Ohio to Pittsburgh, PA to get me at Mercy Hospital. No one in my family including my husband would let me talk to them about him.

My new husband listens to me. My ex had the nerve to take the only picture of our son Nicky, he would not visit him in the hospital or even mention him. I saw the picture at my ex's house and took it. He did not deserve it.