Have you ever disowned a close family member

**Daisygirl** · 09-17-2011, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by Nishu

What's up, Niko?

x2!

I was wondering the same thing - been thinking about you!

**August29th** · 09-17-2011, 04:34 PM

No, I never have but every day since my mom died and I realize how calm I am now without her (my fingernails have grown for the first time ever and I've lost weight) every day I wish I had written her off 20 years ago. 30 years ago.
**as for your brother -- the police need to know immediately that he threatened your daughter

**alotofgooddeals** · 09-17-2011, 06:12 PM

I have two brothers....I am the youngest of three....my dad got sick....and I was there for him while he did his treatments etc...it was hard emotionally as my daughter was going through her own health issues but i made it through...the middle child helped out some but he and my dad had some falling outs in the years past and there was resentment on my middle brothers side...so I didnt hold anything against him and in the end he was there and apologized to our dad etc....but my older brother...ah man...while my dad was dying...he got caught for oui and couldnt drive up to be with our dad even though my dad wanted this more than anything as he expressed this to me...so again we drove down and picked him up so that could be accomplished...this brother really didnt want to come but somehow i made him understand...so he came...well the day we were to take brother home...my dad who was so sick did not want to stay home he wanted to go....so we were able to get him into the car....but my older brother(one i dislike) basically told my dad he was faking and he was just lazy....on the way home that day my dad went back into the hospital to never come home...he diedd three days later...I will never forgive or forget those words that came out of my brothers mouth...

Originally Posted by NikoSan999

I have never posted a personal type post before other than the one everyone already knows...the bankruptcy and bank(s) problem.

However I am curious...have you ever disowned a close family member?
Am I the only one who has done this? Someone years ago told me I was the coldest, most uncaring person they had ever met. I don't think I am but if faced with diversity I can be in a heartbeat.

I opened up facebook this morning to a nasty NASTY message from my brother who I haven't seen in years...or heard from. Mostly cause he was either in jail..or prison...drunk or high. I had always said I love him because he's my brother but if he wasn't my brother I wouldn't walk across the road to pee on him if he was on fire. He stole from my parents. He stole from his wife. She had breast cancer twice and double masectomy and he stole her pain meds. She was a nurse doing hospice and he came to the house she was working and unbeknown to her stole the patients meds. She lost her license. He's just plain mean....This is just a few examples...not even an atom on the glacier.

Apparently a couple days ago he had sent me a friend request under a name that was not totally his and also a belated birthday. I don't look at friend requests hardly ever and there's about 400 sitting there. They are all for game playing so I don't give a crap. I don't look at messages unless I'm looking for one from one of the kids.

So anyway first thing this morning, less than 2 days later he blasted me with the foulest language that could be used and called me names that would make a trucker blush because I didn't accept it. I didn't blush but most people would've. I was mad for about 15 minutes then went totally cold. Which was just as well because he kept sending more and more messages saying he knows where I live
( same state, about 3 hours away, no drivers license, not that that would stop him if he got hold of a car ) and he's going to hurt me physically first then...and hinted at torturing...killing me....several times. Last I pretty much said to him was bring it on...I'd lay him out on a cold stone slab...and that I was done....he's dead to me.

Then he messaged my kid, not a kid, but my kid. Called her names and started on her. IF and I do say IF, she handled it the way she said she did then she handled it as an adult. I have my doubts but quite frankly I don't care.

He's had tons of mental evaluations and he's certifiably nuts. Plain and simple...Alcoholic, drug addict. Collects disability benefits for being so.

Would he follow thru with the threats? If he could get here...maybe. Can he get here...maybe.

So, to me, he's dead. I'm done. No apology will be accepted. Nothing he can say or do will change my cold uncaring mind.

And before anyone asks...no, I didn't delete the message. In fact I forwarded it to my sister and another daughter just in case. And yes, I conned him into giving me his address before I said I'm done.

Anyone else ever written off a close family member?

**LuvMyHubby** · 09-24-2011, 01:43 PM

Any more word from Niko about this?

**frugalfranny** · 09-24-2011, 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by NikoSan999

Anyone else ever written off a close family member?

Yep, I have. And there will be a couple more written off within a year.

Family or not.........I don't "do" toxic, back stabbing, people. Life is already too short to put up with crap and uncaring.

I REALLY like these two sayings and keep them on a bulletin board on my desk.............

Maya Angelou said: When someone shows you who they are...............BELIEVE THEM!

And another: Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about what matters to us.

Another one that I have used on here with other people but also VERY OFTEN use it on myself when in a spot or can't decide something..............IS THIS WHAT I THINK I DESERVE? If not, what am I going to do about it.

I hope you are VERY CAREFUL niko!!! Sounds scary.

**NikoSan999** · 09-29-2011, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by Nishu

What's up, Niko?

No sign, no word, no nothing from him...not even another message on facebook.

Do I think it's over. No. I think when he goes on his next rampage and if he happens to "think" about me, if I run across his so called mind, he'll pick it up again.

My sister was going to call him and see if she could find out what was going on with him. I haven't heard back.

I'm wondering that since I gave our Deputy the actual address if maybe he didn't contact that counties Dept and someone went out there and maybe hauled him off again to the ward for yet ANOTHER 3 days and dried him out or made him come down off his high.
If that counties dept went out there he would have went off on them giving them the reason to haul him in.

I don't know that's what happened but think it was a good chance.
Need to call her and find out. But no, I don't think he's done. Hopefully it will remain his mouth,

**Greebo** · 09-29-2011, 08:32 AM

Have you blocked him?

If not, why not?

**NikoSan999** · 09-29-2011, 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Have you blocked him?

If not, why not?

No haven't and won't...because that will be my first warning he's on the rant/rave/move. He lives about 2 1/2 hours away. It's just him and his wife. Sisters are all in Ohio. So when he ends up going off, so to speak, I will have no warning except the possibility of him going off on me in a message. He can't see my page. He can't post on it but he can message me...at that point I will have warning.

What set him off that day was I didn't respond quick enough ( 48 hours ). So totally blocking him...that would be like dangling a carrot in front of a horse.

It's my only source of warning short of him showing up. No, I wouldn't reply. I do have the previous messages saved.

**Keildra** · 09-29-2011, 11:16 PM

no I have not disowned any family members yet. There are a few that I prefer to only see once a year, these particular family members are racist and prejudice against any type of alternative or non-christian lifestyle. When I was 12 one of these particular family members told me that I "wouldn't make a good wife" because I didn't want to take a cooking class. These family members are also very loud about they're opinion of how I and my sisters dress, apparently no matter what we look horrible. I find them toxic and though they really haven't done anything that would make me disown them yet I limit my visits to Christmas, I sit there for an hour talking about the weather then I take my leave.

Edit: I forgot to mention for reasons unknown to me and to my DH, my husbands sister disowned my husbands entire family before I ever met my husband, I have nieces and nephews that I've never met. She and her family have never met my daughter. Half the time I forget my husband has a sister and I think sometimes he forgets too. Right now we just shrug and life goes on.

**LuvMyHubby** · 10-01-2011, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by NikoSan999

No haven't and won't...because that will be my first warning he's on the rant/rave/move. He lives about 2 1/2 hours away. It's just him and his wife. Sisters are all in Ohio. So when he ends up going off, so to speak, I will have no warning except the possibility of him going off on me in a message. He can't see my page. He can't post on it but he can message me...at that point I will have warning.

What set him off that day was I didn't respond quick enough ( 48 hours ). So totally blocking him...that would be like dangling a carrot in front of a horse.

It's my only source of warning short of him showing up. No, I wouldn't reply. I do have the previous messages saved.

Niko, I hope this gets better. As much as I'd like to say block him so you don't have to read his comments and rants, I agree with you that by not blocking him you at least have some way of seeing what he is doing as he doesn't seem to shy about saying what comes to mind. What does his wife have to say about all this, would she at least pick up the phone and give you some kind of heads up? I'm not fond of a few of my SIL's but sure would call them if I thought my DH was a danger to them.

**Greebo** · 10-02-2011, 05:13 AM

I dunno - I think that if you're that seriously concerned about your safety, that you should collect these threats (you have documentation), get a restraining order, and inform this family member that he's no longer family as far as you're concerned, that he's persona non grata and to stay the hell away from you and your family or you'll have him arrested on site.

But to each their own...

**ravenmaniac** · 10-02-2011, 08:20 AM

Nikko, I am so sorry you are going through this. Stay safe please.

Unfortunately, every family has problems. I have a crazy Aunt. One time I emailed my father because I wasn't answering his phone calls. The situation had nothing to do with my father, I felt very down trying to pay the bills and deal with my husband's and son's issues. I felt I had nothing positive to say and didn't want to break down crying.

For some insane reason my father sent the email to my crazy aunt because he wasn't sure how to respond. SHE responded back to me like it was my father. I knew it wasn't my father because she is so dramatic and was very rude.

I felt so betrayed. I let my father know.

My aunt is also a facebook stalker. My adult children and I keep her on our pages to try and keep peace in the family, even though we don't talk to her. Annoying!!

**Laney** · 10-02-2011, 09:13 AM

I have disowned both of my brothers. and try to keep a fair distance from my father, but due to him getting older and his health declining I do have to check up on him and do things for him. my oldest brother is a racist (my husband is black, so he doesn't approve) and the other brother is an alcoholic and thinks the world revolves around him. my father thinks I shouldn't disown them, that no matter how hurtful they are to me I should still stick by them and get along. I did that for several years and got tired of putting other people and their feelings before myself. I disowned my oldest brother years ago and the other one 2 years ago. my life has been so peaceful these last couple of years. I don't regret disowning them....I regret NOT disowning them sooner!!

I hope that you stay safe and do whatever is best for you.