Have you ever disowned a close family member

**NikoSan999** · 09-11-2011, 07:02 PM

I have never posted a personal type post before other than the one everyone already knows...the bankruptcy and bank(s) problem.

However I am curious...have you ever disowned a close family member?
Am I the only one who has done this? Someone years ago told me I was the coldest, most uncaring person they had ever met. I don't think I am but if faced with diversity I can be in a heartbeat.

I opened up facebook this morning to a nasty NASTY message from my brother who I haven't seen in years...or heard from. Mostly cause he was either in jail..or prison...drunk or high. I had always said I love him because he's my brother but if he wasn't my brother I wouldn't walk across the road to pee on him if he was on fire. He stole from my parents. He stole from his wife. She had breast cancer twice and double masectomy and he stole her pain meds. She was a nurse doing hospice and he came to the house she was working and unbeknown to her stole the patients meds. She lost her license. He's just plain mean....This is just a few examples...not even an atom on the glacier.

Apparently a couple days ago he had sent me a friend request under a name that was not totally his and also a belated birthday. I don't look at friend requests hardly ever and there's about 400 sitting there. They are all for game playing so I don't give a crap. I don't look at messages unless I'm looking for one from one of the kids.

So anyway first thing this morning, less than 2 days later he blasted me with the foulest language that could be used and called me names that would make a trucker blush because I didn't accept it. I didn't blush but most people would've. I was mad for about 15 minutes then went totally cold. Which was just as well because he kept sending more and more messages saying he knows where I live
( same state, about 3 hours away, no drivers license, not that that would stop him if he got hold of a car ) and he's going to hurt me physically first then...and hinted at torturing...killing me....several times. Last I pretty much said to him was bring it on...I'd lay him out on a cold stone slab...and that I was done....he's dead to me.

Then he messaged my kid, not a kid, but my kid. Called her names and started on her. IF and I do say IF, she handled it the way she said she did then she handled it as an adult. I have my doubts but quite frankly I don't care.

He's had tons of mental evaluations and he's certifiably nuts. Plain and simple...Alcoholic, drug addict. Collects disability benefits for being so.

Would he follow thru with the threats? If he could get here...maybe. Can he get here...maybe.

So, to me, he's dead. I'm done. No apology will be accepted. Nothing he can say or do will change my cold uncaring mind.

And before anyone asks...no, I didn't delete the message. In fact I forwarded it to my sister and another daughter just in case. And yes, I conned him into giving me his address before I said I'm done.

Anyone else ever written off a close family member?

**rosey7415** · 09-11-2011, 07:11 PM

yes, i have. one of my sisters. it was the best thing i ever done. i don't want to get into specifics but she was very toxic to me. i now have peace. there is nothing like it!! the only thing was i should have done it a lot sooner.

**bonnotsm9** · 09-11-2011, 07:13 PM

Yes, I have. My mother and half-sister. No regrets. My children do not need their brand of nastiness and neither do I.

**mauimagic** · 09-11-2011, 07:17 PM

No I haven't..... and can see why people would do so. Did you call the police about the message?

**NikoSan999** · 09-11-2011, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by mauimagic

No I haven't..... and can see why people would do so. Did you call the police about the message?

No, I didn't but have it ready. I believe it would have to be the ones in the town he's in but not sure. I used to work at the Sheriffs Dept. here and I might call one of the Deputies tomorrow to find out for sure.
He'll tell me if I should make a report or wait.

I'm hoping he's just on a binge and will pass out but he's now bringing in other sisters in another state. I'd hate to be his wife right now.

Daylight I don't mind but....have to sleep sometime.

**mh3rdwheel** · 09-11-2011, 07:27 PM

I have also most of my family, because I was abused by close family members, I have not alot to do with them.

Please be safe, my husband when he was 17 his stepfather shot and killed his (dh) mom then shot at DH and then pulled the gun on himself, make sure that you are safe and he does not get a chance.

Nikko I feel for you, you are not wrong in what you did. Be on the look out. KEEP SAFE.

**mh3rdwheel** · 09-11-2011, 07:28 PM

Originally Posted by NikoSan999

No, I didn't but have it ready. I believe it would have to be the ones in the town he's in but not sure. I used to work at the Sheriffs Dept. here and I might call one of the Deputies tomorrow to find out for sure.
He'll tell me if I should make a report or wait.

I'm hoping he's just on a binge and will pass out but he's now bringing in other sisters in another state. I'd hate to be his wife right now.

Daylight I don't mind but....have to sleep sometime.

I feel that you should not wait, read my message posted before this and you know why.

Please be safe.

**Mrs K** · 09-11-2011, 07:32 PM

First off I also recommend letting the police know. Death threats are serious.

I also have written off my half-sister. No need for the trouble and paon she causes. Some people just don't ever get it, sad for them but we're better off without them.

Again, please be safe!

**Josephhgoins** · 09-11-2011, 08:06 PM

Thank you for putting the issues I have with my family in order.

My sister did some very harsh and uncaring things to me and I always thought had bad they were, but she did nothing compared to your brother.

I wish you luck with him and if it were me I would report it to the police. Maybe, he will then be forced to get the help that he needs.

**brenda67** · 09-11-2011, 08:10 PM

HUGS..How scary! I agree your brother should be arrested..

To answer your question yes my own mom for many years I stayed away from her..it bring's tears to my eyes just posting this even though my mom died 7yrs ago.. I loved my mom so much! But she had mental problems,drug problems' (that ended up killing her) and a complusive stealing problem (I had a warrant out for my arrest because she stoled MY check's out of my checkbook and wrote them out to various stores..and they bounced)...I suffered so much depression because I COULDN"T help her with her problem's..she drained me so bad that all I did was worry about her the roles were reversed I was the MOTHER she was the daughter KWIM? When I had my children I didn't want my children around such a toxic person..it was MY JOB to protect them and that's when I decided to have NO CONTACT with her...believe me I would go round & round with myself thinking what a horrible daughter I was to disown my own mother..but I did what a MOTHER is suppose to do and PROTECT my children...I knew deep down inside that the next time I would see my mom it would be in a funeral home and that's exactly what happened..

There is sooooooo much more to this story that it would take day's to post it all....I should write a biography of my life..you wouldn't believe what my brother's and I have went through..and to think I thought while growing up what a good childhood I had..reality sucks!

**mauimagic** · 09-11-2011, 08:10 PM

He's married?????

**Labontet** · 09-11-2011, 08:12 PM

Well my middle sister has written my youngest sister and me off. Strange things used to come from her. She got mad at me and my other sister because we would not let her have papers that our dad researched about family history. She took off and we have not heard from her since. I believe that was about 6 years ago. What can I say?

Please Niko be careful and don't let things go on any further. Be safe, this is very serious.

**madhen** · 09-11-2011, 08:43 PM

Niko, very sorry to hear you having to deal with family issues on top of everything else. Let's hope he is just on a bender and rambling. I agree with checking in with LE, though, just in case.

I stopped all contact with my sister in 1987, and I didn't say a word to her until 2000, when my mother called and asked me to step back into the family due to my sister being diagnosed with breast cancer. I came back for my mother, but happily, my sister and I have a relationship now, built on current events and with a mutual agreement to not talk about the past.

Your brother sounds like he has a lot of problems that you can't fix, and once addiction and drugs enter the picture, all bets are off. I would read your brother's horrible messages as what they are - the ramblings of a drug-addled mind and not as anything he would say if he were clean and sober - but I would also be prepared that if he continues in his insane spree, he might come looking for a fight.

Also, document everything, but please be careful HOW you document everything, if you KWIM.

**NikoSan999** · 09-11-2011, 08:51 PM

Originally Posted by Josephhgoins

I wish you luck with him and if it were me I would report it to the police. Maybe, he will then be forced to get the help that he needs.

He's already been in many many times. They keep him 3 days and turn him loose. Never keep him.

Here's part of his message to me minus the language

"you know what jackie ? do you REALLY think i give a ---- about what you think ? LOL trust me, i DON'T give a ---- bout much, would you like to see my phsiciatristS report ? i got your address too you stupid -----"

**Dancing Lotus** · 09-11-2011, 08:51 PM

well my husband has been declaring his brother dead for years but his mother just keeps resurrecting him. As far as I'm concerned he never even existed. My bil sounds just like your brother only less dangerous. I told him once about two years ago that I thought he has a selfish coward. I may be a sweet little housewife to him but he also knows I'm not afraid of him and see right through his crap. Funny, he doesn't even try to speak to me anymore. Sadly ,sometimes we do just have disown a close member and move on. I pray you are safe and he was just all talk. HUGS