Do You Feel Pre-school Is Necessary

[Palooka]

My 4 year old hates it and has been going for a month now. It's only 2 days a week, 2 1/2 hour days. He cries most of the time he is there. Only one day he didn't. He cries for me and I read where this can be a problem with SAHM. Separation anxiety?

The teachers have been working with him and communicating with me about it. I know it's not the school. Actually it's a very good pre-school here.

I've just never dealt with this before with my other kids. They happily went to school. I've done bribes, buy him toys, praise him, talk to him about it, and let him know all the time that "mommy will be back to pick you up." He still hasn't adjusted yet. I'm wondering how long I should give this because it's been a little stressful for both of us.

I feel it's important to prepare for Kindergarten and the social skills.

Anyone have some tips or thoughts? Things I should look out for? Just give it more time?

TIA

[mauimagic]

How hard for both of you. When is his birthday? There are other children is his life, so he does get to socialize - right?

Here's my take on it - and please remember that I am a preschool teacher for children with special needs..... we need to get them as early as possible.

Other children - no disabilities - for me, the more time they can stay with their families the better. You have the opportunity to expose him during the daily routine of life to so many activities, words, experiences - all based in a mother's love.

[Palooka]

May 31st and my other two kids was July 1st and 3rd, so right on that cut-off date. I "held" them both back to start Kindergarten at 6 so they was the oldest in class and wouldn't fall behind. That was the best decision I made because they did/do great in school. They was both screened and it was more the maturity level, not so much the smarts, that I waited another year for.

So my 4 year old is really only a month difference. I was thinking, maybe keep him home for another year and start pre-school again at 5 and school at 6. Oh, the pressure really to start at the age of 5!

He plays great with the kids in the neighborhood and family. No disabilities, just comments like I never had my kid in the church nursery, daycare, or Sunday school.

[mauimagic]

Go with your gut and heart Palooka!! Your others have fared well so I would say you have a winning streak going!!

[Nishu]

First off, no, I think preschool has been completely oversold to us. I don't feel it's necessary in regards to socializing or education wise. Plus if he socializes outside of school just fine, I wouldn't be overly concerned about socialization. Personally, and this is just what I would do, if my child were clearly unhappy with school every time he attends, I would not send him. I'm sure it's stressful for you, it's obviously stressful for him, and Im sure the teachers get a little frustrated as well. Jmo, fwiw. I dont think it would be bad to keep sending him, i just think its a waste of time if no one is enjoying it.

[DaveP]

My 4 year old hates it and has been going for a month now. It's only 2 days a week, 2 1/2 hour days. He cries most of the time he is there. Only one day he didn't. He cries for me and I read where this can be a problem with SAHM. Separation anxiety?

Could be. Can you be with him for those 5 hours a week at pre-school until he feels comfortable?

[Lady_V]

After reading the title, my first answer was "depends on the family".

If you are planning on home-school, are a sahm, and can teach them at home - no.

If you are planning on sending to public school or work outside the home - yes.

I know of a family who had a sahm, 3 children and 0 education. She didn't feel it was her responsibility to teach him anything and viewed pre-school as a purely social activity. Fast forward to the oldest child sitting in a kindergarten class not being able to spell his own name, identify the alphabet, forget numbers. He was okay with shapes and colors.

Pre-school is more than just a socialization event. It also helps the child adjust to being away from home for periods of time. If he is having a difficult time now, he will learn that you come back, he gets to go home, the sun still rises and sets. If you took him out completely, how will he do next fall when it's longer hours, 5 days a week?

[daylily]

I do not think pre-school is necessary.

Socialization is overblown too. Compare a child who interacts with all age groups i.e. a child at home who is with his family, church, going to the grocery store with his mother, etc to a child who spends hours interacting only with his own age group.

One comment often made about homeschooled kids by adults is that they can carry on a real conversation with them. Kids who spend their days with adults and other age groups than their own learn to interact with all age groups.

[Sophiasmama]

No depending on certain issues,it's not necessary...Sophie is in PreK...3 afternoons a week 3 hours each time...and she is a year ahead of other kids...She's the only one to write her name...or all the letters actually...she can site read a bit...Her teacher said she actually was kindergarten ready with all she knew...and she learned it all at home...just by playing,reading,etc.

[2ndGenGranola]

I do not think pre-school is necessary.

Socialization is overblown too. Compare a child who interacts with all age groups i.e. a child at home who is with his family, church, going to the grocery store with his mother, etc to a child who spends hours interacting only with his own age group.

I agree that socialization is overblown.

As a homeschool teacher I get the dreaded "S" question all the time. After listening to a new homeschool family the other day, I'm convinced proper socialization does not happen at school. This family "went home" because the kids were not allowed to "socialize" in line, they were not allowed to "socialize" in circle time, they were not allowed to "socialize" in desk time, and now quiet lunches are starting to pop up in schools. Quiet lunches are where students are not allowed to "socialize" during lunch because lunch periods are so short (overcrowding) the children do not have time to eat if they are talking so talking is banned. Schools are not focusing in on teacher proper manners and skills, they are focused in on not having chaos with the mass numbers.

A recent article on the Alexander technique spoke of how improper most institution seating was. The posture it forces one into is very draining and often painful for some. The chairs have a dip where the bottom goes and a little curve up where the legs go. This puts one in a very exhausting posture. Kids cannot verbalize it but they know something about that drains them.

It sounds like you have a smart one on your hands. See if you can get your child to communicate his issues with you.

[Telephus44]

In general, I agree that pre-school isn't necessary. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. Part of it would depend on how soon full day school is in the future. If he's still a few years away from it, I might stop and keep him home. If next year he's going to be going for 5 full days, I might keep him in.

Is there an option to maybe just go one day a week instead of 2? Scale back a little?

One thing that we did was have DS wave good bye out the window when we dropped him off when he started a new daycare, but overall we never had much of a problem.

We do send him to preschool, and socialization is a big part of that, but our son is also autistic, so we have different socialization concerns than most other parents. I wouldn't say that all kids need to go to preschool to learn to socialize. Our son does really well with adults, but not so much with children his age, so we feel that preschool is one of the best things we can do to help him get comfortable interacting with his peers.

[frugal is fun]

I think it would be just fine if you pulled him out and waited until next year to start preschool. As long as you can do basic school work with him, maybe a few crafts, have him become familiar with the alphabet, take him to the library for story time, etc.

My son has a late birthday, Nov. 25 and we started him in preschool technically when he was 2. He is an only child and didn't spend much time with other kids so we did it for the social aspect. He never had anxiety issues with leaving us and he loved school. But we did have him repeat kindergarten. Socially he was fine, but academically he just needed more time. He started first grade this month, at age 6, turning 7 in November, and he's doing wonderfully.

so basically what I'm saying is to follow what you feel is right for your child. Every child is different.

[SwirlyThing]

Absolutely not! In fact, I think it's detrimental. There's no reason you cannot teach the kid letters and numbers and how to be a good citizen without sending him out for it. He can learn much more, and have more varied experiences from you than he can in a classroom.

I don't know a single stay-at-home mom who put her kids in preschool, by the way. They kept the kids until kindergarten.

[frugalwarrior2]

We did a co-op because my Ds was very clingy. It was either 2 or 3 days a week I forgot. I came and worked sometimes as part of the agreement. I eased him into kindergarten. In our circumstance it was necessary. No neighhood kids,no same age friends kids,no same age cousins close. I was home and sibling had gone to kindergarten.
I guess I would ask him why he doesn't like it?

[Booklover]

Don't push him-just give him more time at home.

No, pre-school is not necessary.

Please don't let the thought of him not going to preschool make you feel guilty and that he will lack in any way.

(This is directed at the comment of the mom who refuses to teach her kid anything at home....)

Not that many years ago the requirements for kindergarten were that children know their numbers, colors, shapes, write their name, and tie their shoes. There was no question of IF parents would do it-it was part of being a parent. It was just expected and done, and there were hardly any kids that didn't know these things because if they didn't, they were not allowed to start school. School was much more enjoyable for kids AND teachers. They were tested during kindergarten registration, and if they couldn't do it, then, why, they weren't ready. Easy peasy. Since the 80's so much time is wasted on things parents should automatically be doing.

And we are talking about 5 year olds, because that is when kindergarten began. No preschools at all. Children are not usually developmentally ready at 3 and 4.

And all socialization is not positive.