bragging cousin

**sinopa27** · 10-16-2011, 12:10 AM

I have a cousin of mine that is like my best friend and/or like my closest sister. We also work at the same place. We talk everyday. She has been divorced for 8 years and has been in and out of relationships. Well, she has recently started dating a wealthy man. She isn't impressed (so I think) with his money but lately she has been talking about chinchilla furs, 5 ct diamond rings and Mercedes Benz cars. The man is from Nigeria and constantly is taking business trips back and forth. He is a physician and has his own practice plus works as the hospitalist at another hospital. So, I know he is legit.
I am just not into that careless spending and waste. I am trying my best to keep me and my family together. Now, my cousin works 2 jobs but constantly talks about the things she mentioned above. I believe she will get that stuff sooner or later but I just find it hard to believe that she is acting like this. She grew up very poor and has had to work hard to have anything. She is actually frugal, out of debt, never had credit cards and pays for stuff in cash. So......why is she acting like this.

Sorry this is so long! thanks for letting me vent. Whew!! I already feel better but please, my FV family......help me out. How do I handle this? Trust me, no jealousy on my part. I can't imagine what she will have to do and put up with to get the items above. He is a different race and culture from us and I know it will be a challenge.
Any advice?
(isn't it true that Nigerian men can have more than one wife??)

**frugalwarrior2** · 10-16-2011, 12:26 AM

maybe patience is just the order of the day? You know how you try something new that is so far from your usual normal and go overboard then you come back in bounds? Like lottery winners?
And clueless about the wife thing but it would bear an internet search for me.

**sinopa27** · 10-16-2011, 01:06 AM

i will be patient about it. I guess it is the "newness" of the relationship. I did tell her that I will spray her chinchilla fur coat with paint spray because of those poor chinchillas. hahahaha!!

**leighcat** · 10-21-2011, 05:00 PM

I have friends from several African countries. All of them are allowed to have more than one wife. I am not sure about Nigeria. I do know that they all have trouble with their men fooling around with other women. That doesn't mean your cousin's new guy will be like the guys I know. Every guy is different. I have a hard time trusting any man, so I doubt I would date a man with a completely different culture. Although I do have to admit I find myself quite attracted to many mid-eastern and Indian men lol!

**ravenmaniac** · 10-21-2011, 06:58 PM

You may want to check on the more than one wife thing. I am not sure of his cultural beliefs.

Sounds like she is a bit enamored with the glamorous life. Maybe it will pass in time.

Sounds like you miss your old cousin with whom you used to share more common ground.

Hopefully you and your cousin can find a happy medium.

**Contrary Housewife** · 10-22-2011, 12:53 AM

It sounds like she is impressed by someone paying attention to her and buying her gifts. Most women would be.

Don't know about Nigeria, but in the US he can only have one wife.

IMO, and I could be perfectly wrong, he is probably sweetening her up so she'll sleep with him. This happened to a friend of mine. They had a long courtship, he brought her gifts from his country.... came to find out not only was he married, he had a 2nd girlfriend. He eventually vanished, leaving her pregnant.

**cab54** · 12-16-2011, 01:00 PM

She will realize, in time, that none of that buys happiness.

Be there for her when she comes to her senses....even if it's decades from now.

**mauimagic** · 12-16-2011, 03:03 PM

Patience does indeed seem to be the key here and see what course this new journey takes her.

**frugalfranny** · 12-16-2011, 03:19 PM

Originally Posted by cab54

She will realize, in time, that none of that buys happiness.

Be there for her when she comes to her senses....even if it's decades from now.

Yep.....agree with that......well, let us hope that she realizes it before she gets in too deep and something happens.

Sorry, little skeptical about it all..............but I wish her the best.

**Incognito** · 12-16-2011, 03:33 PM

The whole thing sounds to me like "THE CLASSIC CON-ARTIST SCENARIO", and there are SO many people who have fallen for it.

TELL YOUR FRIEND TO BEWARE, AND NOT TO GIVE HIM ONE RED CENT FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER!!! AND NO CHEQUES, OR CO-SIGNING EITHER!

**Uniwolf** · 12-16-2011, 05:18 PM

I have to agree with Incognito, I would not involve money in any part of the relationship if I were her.

But that is just me

**NikoSan999** · 12-16-2011, 10:09 PM

Yes, it definitely appears they can have several wives

First link is the google search page...second link is an article

Google

Baroness Shreela Flather says Nigerian men all have 4 wives because they're lazy | Mail Online

**Incognito** · 12-16-2011, 10:43 PM

Why is he charming her?
1. She's very vulnerable.
2. She has no debts, and has savings.
3. He has an ulterior motive
4. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to research his past, due to the numerous obstacles in obtaining accurate information
5. Why is he going back there to Nigeria so often?
6. No matter what he does, his own country's laws will absolve him, and she has no real enforceable rights.

I saw a documentary about this on tv a few months ago. Woman went to Africa, got quickly involved with a national who was very interested in wooing her. Whirlwind romance; they married. Her posessions, and status for various privileges & rights became his.
She then found out he had a wife, and kids. He has gone back to them. She is now back in Canada, but still 'in love' with him; and in limbo...waiting for him to change.
(The truth is...she got played for a sucker...and hasn't acknowledged it yet.)

Why do people take such foolish risks? Another country with different laws & rights, another culture completely different from their own with numerous clashes in beliefs and way of living, possibility of fraud or polygamy, almost certain impending disaster and heartbreak, shaky relationship doomed to failure before it even begins.

She should call the immigration department and speak to a counsellor; they see these scenarios all the time, and could warn her about the danger and/or financial/emotional disaster she is putting herself in. Most often somebody in another country is looking for a spouse in order to get citizenship status and all the benefits that come with it, as well as getting their hands on the credit cards, credit rating, monetary assets and posessions of their newly wedded spouse.