Family drama

[ravenmaniac]

Russ - I am so sorry you and your family are going through this situation. It sounds like it is far from over. J is not ready to change.

My son suffers from addiction to prescription pills (snorting them). It is a horrible, terrible, long, ugly, exhausting road that I don't believe ever really ends.

As a parent I will not give up on my child, so that part of me feels for your fil, but I have also set ground rules and limitations that my son has to live by. He knows I will call the police in a heartbeat and have him arrested, and/or he will be put out on the street. We are in a different situation because ds still lives at home, so far.

We recently took him to the dentist. The bill is $10,000 to fix his teeth, that's our share and no cosmetic dentistry. And no that is not a mistake it is ten-thousand dollars.

Our dentist has dealt with us for years and knows what we are going through. Ds has been doing well lately, so our dentist decided to mentor the new dentist while doing ds's dental work. (I don't mean to be skeptical but you are always suspicious of everything addicts say and do.) That means ds's dental work is being done for free!

Ds has been given this wonderful gift but he still acts like it's not totally his fault that his teeth are in poor condition. He's cried to me that he's embarrassed about his teeth and knows he needs the work done. We talk about it and he says the whole situation is embarrassing, his drug use, lack of interest in school, not having his drivers license yet, etc. I tell him stop feeling sorry for himself and get up off his butt and do something about it. With this dental work he has been given a new beginning but the ball is in his court, so what's he going to do now?

I'm not trying to jack your thread. I honestly hope things get easier for your family. It's just that when there is an addict in the family they seem to consume everyone's time and energy, if you don't want to be part of it. Some how it seems to affect you.

[Libby]

So, we are all basically waiting for the next explosion or implosion. Take your pick.

Thats your hint and advanced warning. She's already planning her next act and given you the time and date. Keep talking openly with the parents, not taking sides. Sometimes talking about it in advance helps lessen the impact from the pending outburst. Kinda like a prep.

[Russ]

Update: she goes back to work tomorrow for the first time since the surgery.

This should be interesting.

[Incognito]

Russ, you wrote..."About 3 weeks ago, "J" had extensive back surgery after suffering through the pain, for I'm guessing about a year."

People in severe and chronic pain are suffering and sometimes that overlaps into other people's lives. Maybe she thought she needed those painkillers. Anybody who has ever experience agonizing and unremitting physical pain knows that all they can think about is relief.

Having said that, I sure hope she heals and that her back is better soon. All of those side issues that are created by her mistakes and negative family interactions just makes everything into a mess that nobody knows how to deal with or fix. And only she can fix her own bad behaviour in the long run. I don't suppose she has too much rapport with hardly anyone in the family at this point, except for the long-suffering and dedicated parents, whom she is fortunate indeed to have. Unfortunately, we sometimes hurt the ones we love the most, or who love us.

There are lots of issues in her personality that will take a lifetime to reckon with and/or change. And that's all that any of us have...a lifetime; so it's her life, and best to be on your guard, given her bad habits and destructive ways. None of us have perfect families, so store lots of popcorn in your stockpile, and detach a little.