Rant - Ex's girlfriend!

**heavensent_7** · 01-09-2003, 03:42 PM

I know this may be a little selfish (well maybe alot) BUT

My kids are consumer kids - BUY, BUY, BUY. Bigger, Better, Faster, named. You name it that's them! To be fair that is how they were bought up

(I'm talking the eldest two that don't live with me any longer)

They are only 16 & 15 (they live with their Dad) who is also consumer heaven, was bought up skint and thinks now him and his kids should have EVERYTHING NOW whether they need it or not.

Anyway my son will be 17 tommorrow (not a good age for compairing gift prices!) This is already sounding terrible I know.

The thing is my ex has a VERY rich girlfriend (been on the scene about 5 months?) She seems to be a very friendly, pleasant woman with a good heart BUT she is driving me mad!

She told my disabled daughter that if she needed someone to talk to, go to hospital appointments with etc etc she would go - Like I died or something??? (I only live 2 streets away!)

For Christmas my daughter got £2000 ($3000???) worth of GOLD jewellery, clothes etc.

Now tomorrow is my son's birthday - he is having a party at my house (as it's bigger - he lives in a flat) and he's just rang to say his Dad will be coming WITH his girlfriend

AND he got a card from her mum and dad (people he's never met) with £10 in it (that's what my OWN mother can afford to give him!) AND she bought him a chunky GOLD bracelet which he's really exicited about. I bought him a new jumper!!!

I have to sound really happy for his sake (I don't want to spoil things for him of course) BUT this woman I CAN NOT compete with and these are MY kids. (She seems to forget that bit as well)

I know it is selfish but I am really upset - my kids are getting MUCH better presents from their Dad's NEW girlfriend than from their own Mother!

Have I missed something here???

**Daphne** · 01-09-2003, 03:58 PM

Please don't worry yourself about this! If you do it will show all over you tomorrow at the party. Be proud of what you got him - it doesn't matter what it is, how much it cost or where it came from. You bought it from your heart and it's something you think he wants or needs. That is enough. Don't feel less of yourself because you can't afford what others are buying. From what you said this new girlfriend sounds like a nice person and the way you described her she doesn't sound like someone who would think "ha ha - I'm buying the more expensive gifts!!" It just may be what they do - not really a big deal. So please just have a great time and don't worry about it. I don't think that this ex is trying to "be their mom" so I don't think you have to worry about competing with her. Enjoy yourself!!! And get to know the new girlfriend - she sounds like a good person and it sounds like she is going to be in the kids life so it's probably best to start out on the right foot.
Let us know how it goes - have a great time!!! Smile and keep your head high!!!

**heavensent_7** · 01-09-2003, 04:07 PM

Oh she does sound nice - and seems it too. I genuinely think her heart is in the right place and she does live like this because she is rich. Apparently (so my kids say) they spends hundreds of pounds per WEEK on food just in case they want something they may not have AND her own daughter gets a Monday present just because it's Monday!

So I don't think for one minute she is trying to spite me or anything.

It's just I have five kids to look after on state benefits and anything else I can raise from eBay etc. and I just can't afford to buy them all Gold jewellery etc.

When you're 17 and money stuff is important it just seems wrong to say oh this woman I've just met bought me x,y, AND z, oh and I got 'this' from my MUM.

Do you know what I mean?

**Daphne** · 01-09-2003, 04:14 PM

I totally understand where you are coming from and I'm not in your shoes but I see where you are coming from. Like I said my gut feeling is that she isn't a bad person and means well. I know your 17 year old is at that age where material things mean a lot. We've all been there. It is just a phase and one day things like that won't matter to him. In the end what will matter is that he knows his mom worked hard in life to give all of you the best you could. Whether it means they get a pack of gum for birthdays or a brand new car, they will know that what you got them came from your heart.

**babynurse** · 01-09-2003, 04:18 PM

Heavensent, I understand how you must be hurt about the situation, but if this woman is as nice and as caring as you seem to describe her, maybe you could take her aside and explain how her gifts are making you feel? You are HIS mother, you should have some say in what goes on in his life. Maybe you could just discuss a limit to the gift amount and maybe suggest if she wants to spend so much money, to give it to him for his education. I don't know, what a tough situation. Maybe she has no idea how much this bothers you and just wants you to think that she really cares about your children. Keep your chin up, you are doing the very best that you can, and remember you don't have to buy your child's love like she is doing, you already have it!

**Daphne** · 01-09-2003, 04:23 PM

theresa - that is a great idea about suggesting the money go toward education!!

**heaven** · 01-09-2003, 04:30 PM

Bev, do i totally understand, that is my exhusband too. he makes like 50 times what i make, *which is scary*, He has a landrover, a pick up and a motorcycle. ECT, ECT, ECT, and i finally had to tell my children things are tough for me dad makes money and i don't. they i think are finally getting it that mum is poor but i love them all and i give them what i can such as food, and heat and the rent is paid. I know not much help am i but your not alone in this boat, if that is any consulation.