My mother-in-law drives me crazy!!!

**Nina** · 01-20-2003, 05:30 AM

I am going to marry in August and we are already planning and organizing for the festivities ~ which is actually much fun and very exciting ~ if there wouldn't be my future mother-in-law!!!

You know, my fiance Michael is her only child and because she is a very strong and dominant woman, she is used that everybody in her family does what she wants. Michael's father gave up fighting with her long ago and I guess Michael never contradicted to her in any way when he was still living at home.

Now her only boy is going to marry soon and SHE wants to decide everything!! She makes appointments with catering services without our knowledge or even employ artists for the celebration without talking about it with us!! Whenever I have a suggestion she doesn't really take me serious and when I say this or that is too expensive she just says "Don't think about the costs!! That is only our problem!". You know, I think it is great that they will pay for the largest part of the costs, but does that mean we have nothing to decide?? She wants to tell us whom to invite, how to do this, how to do that!!! I feel like I am the fifth wheel!! It's MY wedding and I have always had my own imaginations how it would be, but that does not count!! She really drives me crazy at the moment and I really lose interest in planning the wedding!!

There is no use in talking about it with her in a normal way!! She quickly feels insulted and even start to cry! I don't want to be angry with her to much, because I don't want to spoil our relationship for the future, so I always try to make Michael speaking with her about it, which caused that she is thinking now I would persuade Michael to say what I want!!
Any good advice? What about your mother-in-laws??

I already regret that I have invited her in the past to join me and my mom when we go buying my wedding dress!!!

**lucy979** · 01-20-2003, 06:42 AM

I don't have any advice for you. Nina. But I just wanted to say hang in there! I'm sorry she is making your wedding day planning a chore. Somebody else here should have some good advice, ok.

**Daphne** · 01-20-2003, 08:13 AM

ELOPE!! No - I'm only kidding!! I don't think you are alone in this situation. Many women go thru this and I don't think you are going to be able to reason with her right now. I think she's probably 1) really excited that her son is getting married and 2) she's still trying to show how she is in control - I think #2 it the best answer for this. This doesn't mean she's not excited I just think she's "freaking out" for lack of a better word.

I'm sorry that she's being this way and I wish I had great advice but I don't. Just try to hang in there and enjoy the planning as much as you can. Remember the wedding is only one day...it's your marriage that is important - it will last a lifetime!!

**doodlebug** · 01-20-2003, 01:10 PM

Just a suggestion, but could you put her in charge of a few things that aren't really really important to you, perhaps the catering? (maybe give her a list of a few things you want included and let her decide all the rest of the catering?) That leaves the cake, dress, flowers etc for you to pick out. If she feels like she has been given a specific important job then maybe she will put most of her effort into that. I know this is your wedding, but it is also her only child's wedding and she probably just wants everything to be perfect and feel that she is a part of it. And if she keeps trying to take over everything just tell her that you really appreciate her helping but that the catering is really important to you and Michael and that you don't want her to be distracted from arranging that and that you are really counting on her to handle this part of the wedding so you two won't have to worry about it. Also if you could include her on a few of the lesser things or even let her do a few other little things it may make the whole thing go a little smoother and you could still be in charge of the important things that you want done a certain way. This is just my opinion, I don't know your mil but this seems to work well with my in-laws.
Congratulations on your up-coming wedding!!! And I hope everything goes great!